Ok, as I had mentioned in one of my previous threads that, my parents want me to marry my cousin whom I have been rejecting right from the beginning, and my parents are so stubborn in their decision that, they even told me that,there’s no way they would say no to them now,and that this marriage will take place no matter what,and they have even told me that,if i don’t like him then also i should marry him but later i can take divorce,grrrrrrrrrrr
On one of my friend’s advise,I had sent an SMS to that cousin, saying I had no interest to marry him and he should decline the marriage himself but he never responded to that.I even tried calling him but he didn’t even answer.
Ok, now the thing is that,I met a guy.We were friends but he expressed his interest to marry me.He is a nice guy,just the kind I wanted in life.He isn’t aware of my cousin’s proposal,and right from the time he expressed his interest to marry,he has been asking me to let my parents know about him so that he can send his parents to our home with proposal as his parents want to take things further.But iam just soo confused & scared.How can i do that?I want my parents to meet him once. But if i do that,my parents would make things even worse for me & may even make the marriage with cousin take place earlier,and again i would have to deal with lots of other tensions :(.
I don't think she's inviting trouble, this is a way out. I would confide in a member if the family, who is on your side. And then hit the point home, yes this will outrage them, but it means others know of their ideas and it will also tell them your not afraid to stand up to them.
You are in your complete Islamic right to say no to this rishta - they cannot force you. You need stand strong in this tough time. I being in a similar position (minus the knight in shining armour) told my cousin and she showered my parents with sarcy comments and negative scenerios. This worked - I know it's extreme but sometimes you have to fight extreme with extreme
"I want my parents to meet him once. But if i do that,my parents would make things even worse for me & may even make the marriage with cousin take place earlier,and again" - this is called inviting more trouble
this is just what she said, let alone who and what this new guy is ...
Blow their minds away and tell them you prefer women! ;)
On a serious note...
... they even told me that,there's no way they would say no to them now,and that this marriage will take place no matter what,and they have even told me that,if i don't like him then also i should marry him but later i can take divorce,grrrrrrrrrrr :(
That's just disgusting behaviour! Lol at being allowed to getting a divorce later! Jokers!
Okay what country do you live in and what country does your cousin live in? I'm asking this for a reason e.g. are they forcing you to go to Pakistan to marry him etc?
To force anyone into marriage is not allowed under any religious or polictical law so don't remain quiet about this and speak up! Knowing desi people they'll eventually get over it by the time your 3rd kid comes.
STAND YOUR GROUND! Keep drilling the point in your parents head that you DO NOT want to marry this cousin. Tell them you will cause havoc at the time of the nikkah - I know it sounds extreme, but what can you do?
Also, come up with some very very good reasons as to why this rishta with this cousin is the most awful thing in the world - use a relative if you have to, like PO suggested.
Oh, and you can use the emotional blackmail (although some may not agree with me here). You can say 'Do you really think anyone would want me after divorce?', etc etc. This might work - it's worth a shot I reckon.
have you actually tried confiding in your mother as in alone? do you have any older siblings you could talk to ?
first you need to get rid of this notion from their heads to force you into marrying your cousin. Next instead of telling them straightaway that you like this guy and would want to marry him would get them more resolute or the proposal for your cousin.
Why don't you ask your common friend's mom or some elder to suggest this guy's name as a 'potential' and let him come over once to meet your parents. Then you can gradually tell them about you liking him.
Personally I think you should first sort out the problem of not marrying your cousin and then when that cools down and once your successful on that then reveal this new guy..
Else your parents will have more of a reason to force you into marriage and saying no to this new guy 'khandaan mein badnami ho gi ke yeh larki kissi aur ke wajeh se cousin se shaadi nahin karahi'
Get what I mean?
As long as saying no to parents is concern, please be strong and put your foot down and say I cannot marry, I don't want to marry. I have a right to marry the person I want, and this rishta was set when I was a child and barely knew what marriage and spending the rest of the life with someone who you a) don't know, b) dont' like and c) don't want to get married too!
And also emphasise, what's with this get divorce later business.. Try and emphasise them theyselves have resigned them to the fact that this marriage may not work and they know you don't like him.. tell them by divorcing later not only are they going to make matters worst in their families and also it'll be harder to start your life again..
Tell them in the scheme of life who is more important,
I get the feeling that the cousin is just pretending that everything is fine ...that he didn't get your email, etc. And that's disrespectful toward you...and at the same time it seems he has no respect for himself if he still wants to marry a girl who can't stand him. Makes me wonder if moving out of Pak is his prime goal. Well...take it to the next step.....contact his family....his siblings/parents and tell them that you don't want to marry your cousin and that you're being forced against your will. If your parents aren't cooperative....then you have to resort to more stronger methods.
Oh and the whole idea of your parents saying that it's okay for you to divorce him later.......BULL CRAP! They're so calm and okay about saying that....but no....if it gets to that point, they'll just threaten you/pressure you to stick it out in a miserable marriage with him.
these are alot of assumptions and inferences for one post
I get the feeling that the cousin is just pretending that everything is fine ...that he didn't get your email, etc. And that's disrespectful toward you...and at the same time it seems he has no respect for himself if he still wants to marry a girl who can't stand him. Makes me wonder if moving out of Pak is his prime goal. Well...take it to the next step.....contact his family....his siblings/parents and tell them that you don't want to marry your cousin and that you're being forced against your will. If your parents aren't cooperative....then you have to resort to more stronger methods.
Oh and the whole idea of your parents saying that it's okay for you to divorce him later.......BULL CRAP! They're so calm and okay about saying that....but no....if it gets to that point, they'll just threaten you/pressure you to stick it out in a miserable marriage with him.
Err…that’s the point i was making. And it’s not like they “can’t” make this marriage stop. They “WON’T” make it stop…they refuse to do so…and they’re going against your wishes…they’re forcing you. And it’s one thing if your cousin didn’t receive the email and didn’t understand it…but if he HAS read AND understood it…and if he’s not helping you out here despite knowing your feelings on the matter…it doesn’t say anything positive about him either. If he wants to marry you because he’s truly in love with you…how is it fair of him to participate indirectly in pressuring you? I think that’s selfish. And it would be no better if he has some other motive in mind.
You’ve tried communicating with him with no results. Your own parents are not listening to you. If you don’t have any relatives that can reason with his parents and your parents…then I think the next step would be to call up his parents and tell them directly but respectfully that you don’t want to marry him. And be firm…dont let him them cajole you out of your decision. If they have any respect for themselves…they will stop pursuing a rishta where the girl doesn’t even like their son. You just have to fight this, Pinkyy. When milder actions don’t work…you just move on to something stronger. Just deal with this issue before moving on to another rishta.
How old are you and where do you live. If you are an adult and live in a Western society it is not possible for them to force a marriage upon you. If you live in Pakistan even then you have many ways of stopping this forced marriage. You do not have to give in because marriage is not a joke , get married today and get a divorce tomorrow. Only Hollywood actresses do that , shareefzadian do not do that.
they have even told me that,if i don't like him then also i should marry him but later i can take divorce,grrrrrrrrrrr :(
This is amazing. Either your parents are too illogical (sorry to say that) or they think that you are just creating fuss and once married, you will be ok.
Another thing is, you are mixing 2 irrelevant issues. Your nay to your cousin and the other guy proposing you should not be mixed. In fact you should tell that guy that this is not the right time to send his parents.
If they can’t make this marriage stop, how would they even let me go for divorce after marriage!