Suggestions Please

[Sweetmoi]

Re: Suggestions Please

@gshaheen

with lotion it was mostly my 3.5 year old daughter, my soon to be 5 yrs old boy never touched it. but it was really hard to control my daughter, we tried to tell her nicely that if u want lotion ask me and i will give u, or use lotion only after bath, she will remeber it only for one day if she does atall. i even shouted at her but nothing worked with her.
i dont ignore when they do something wrong, but my husband says that i interfare too much in what they r doing and thats why they dont listen to me unless i called them a bit loudly.
at this point i have zero patience and tolerance level. problems in life made me like this , i never thought i would be like this one day. Since my mother died almost 4 years ago , my personality has changed so much and in a bad way. i get anxiety attacks, very rare though.
there was a period when i hit my kids too, not anymore though. dont think that i am an evel mother i am not. this hitting happend when i was living in pakistan with 3 kids and my husband was abroad. dealing with 3 little ones whole day , doing all house work and living in a very small house , no place for kids to play , got no friends or relatives in the city etc, this all made me sick and thats the time when i got anxiety attacks. thanks GOD now we r together again and things got so much better. i donot hit my kids anymore , still some shouting going on but i will control that too inshallah. whenever i think kids r getting on my nerves i call their father to deal with them. i still need to learn how to control my anger and be patience.
ohhh my God i wrote a long story, i hope u got my point. so thats the reason my kids r behaving like this, so tell me how i deal with this, what changes i need to make in my behaviour which will have positive impact on my kids.

I understand you totally. I myself have been through a phase where I just didnt have any patience or tolerance anymore and even the sligtest thing could tick me off and I would be completely lost and even more stressed out. What I would suggest is, make rules and make them obey them. Make simple rules at first, like drawing can only be done in one area, playing in a certain roo, no screaming, no shouting, no hitting. Like njgal said, that way you will have a chance to decorate some places of their house pr. your taste. I think the most important thing is that your kids dont see you as a weak person. Be firm and stand by what you mean. If they have done something wrong, there needs to be a punishment and a consequence. Dont let these small things pass by, because later on these things become bigger issue. Chote bache, chote issues and bade bache bade issues. You need to handle them now. When they do something wrong, which is making you burst out in anger, take a minut or two to recite Bismillah and calm yourself down, perhaps in another room. And dont worry, no mother is an evil mother if she slapped her now and then, IMO thats not damaging for the child. It is the constant beating and constant shouting which leeds to no results at all.

Some people suggested you should start with your daughter and your son and leave the 2 year old for now. I think you may as well start with them all.

So what you need to do when your kids are being destructive.

1: Recite Bismillah and other verses if you wish. Calm down.

2: Remove the child from the destructing element. If he/she isnt listening, I dont think there is any harm in using force.

3: Firmly explain your child why, what he/she is doing is wrong. Very imp. step and a lot of parents do forget this one.

4: Consequences, consequences, consequences.

5: Be constant. No, “uff aaj mujhse nahin hota” .. Everyday and anyday, the same rules and consequences are applied.

I am putting loads of stress on consequences, because it is the way human nature is. We dont learn or obey until we know the consequences.