i have 3 young kids between age 2-5 , and they r super hyper and curious.i cannot put anything at their level, it will be destroyed. last weekend i went to a friend house , she has one 5 year old boy. her house is so beautifuly decorated, with centre pieces , plants ect bcz her son does not touch anything. I cant even think of doing that, my kids will ruin everything. we even have dvd player, dish reciever put on a shelf above tv stand(so stand sheves r empty). all the drawers r almost empty , cant use them . had to fix pc cd player twice as they stuffed it with papers, pencils even small wooden pieces. they do all the art work on the walls, from last 4 days i am scrubbing walls to remove those pencil marks.
i love to put some plant around the house but afraid of mess they will make. i want to know how to keep them off getting into everything. i experimented by putting body lotion on dressing table and it ended up more in their stomach , hair and everywhere else.
is there anything that can be done or i have to wait untill they grow up. anyone else in the same situation or its just my kids r like this.
Re: Suggestions Please
Children live up to the expectations you have for them. From what I see in your post, you are constantly expecting them to act up, to get into trouble, to be destructive, etc, and so they don't see any limitations and therefore don't exercise any self-control. You have to be very strong and firm. This kind of behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and there are NO excuses for it. Then they need to be taught how to behave and have clear, fair consequences when they misbehave. You cannot be passive and expect the issues to go away as they get older; the issues may change, but they won't go away.
You'll be changing the rules on them, so anticipate some resistance and some time to adjust. And you have to talk to them gently but firmly, to explain your expectations of them. A 2yo might have trouble initially, but a 5yo should know how to behave!
Before I say more, I want to know how they behave in others' homes and when you are out.
Re: Suggestions Please
well u r right i do expect them to do wrong most of the time defenietly there is something that i am doing wrong, they listen to their father and obey him and respond to him promptly but for me i have to call them 3, 4 times before they listen.
how they behave at other's house well same getting into everything, running around, after they get over their shyness. regarding their behaviour when i am out, my husband says that they dont fight when i am not home and are easy to deal. he does not care at all what r they doing , as along as they r playing.
I really need to do something about it(mainly my behaviour), so all of us can have good quality life.
really appreciate yur help.
Re: Suggestions Please
I would like to know what kind of mother you have been to them? I dont mean to offend or put you down. I just want to know if the kids themselves know consequences or do you just ignore and more on when they have "destroyed" something. Like the body-lotion episode, what happened afterwards? Have you been a very protective mother? a spoiling one? or did you think kee abhi chote hain?
Re: Suggestions Please
Spank your kids. Everything will be a-okay.
Re: Suggestions Please
gsshaheen - I am in your boat. My kids at a young age weren’t destructive but did think that the whole house was their personal canvas for painting and drawing. I have cleaned drawings that they made on windows using pink chapstick 
and yes they have used my perfume as air freshners and given each other facials. I also had to fish legos from the toilet. :yuck:
You have 3 little ones. You can’t reason with the 2 year old but START putting some rules for the 5 year old. Watching him clean up will enforce the behavior in the little ones.
Also start with ONE room - perhaps your bedroom off limits to them for playing. Put some nice things and plants in there. “No touching mama’s things, no toys in mama’s room” and then you can move to other areas of the house.
Most of my friend’s houses are like a royal museums. I am a bit laid back. I want them to have fun without being destructive.
My formal dining table is my children’s “arts and craft room”. My kitchen is their baking zone, they use the pillows from the living room to make forts for their teddy bears. Up until last year - we had toys in most rooms in the house but this year they have a playroom downstairs, toys have move in the basement and just their room.
After visiting my friends house, I want a house that looks and shines like a museum but i am sure it will get there one day - when they have moved out 
Re: Suggestions Please
I would like to know what kind of mother you have been to them? I dont mean to offend or put you down. I just want to know if the kids themselves know consequences or do you just ignore and more on when they have "destroyed" something. Like the body-lotion episode, what happened afterwards? Have you been a very protective mother? a spoiling one? or did you think kee abhi chote hain?
with lotion it was mostly my 3.5 year old daughter, my soon to be 5 yrs old boy never touched it. but it was really hard to control my daughter, we tried to tell her nicely that if u want lotion ask me and i will give u, or use lotion only after bath, she will remeber it only for one day if she does atall. i even shouted at her but nothing worked with her.
i dont ignore when they do something wrong, but my husband says that i interfare too much in what they r doing and thats why they dont listen to me unless i called them a bit loudly.
at this point i have zero patience and tolerance level. problems in life made me like this , i never thought i would be like this one day. Since my mother died almost 4 years ago , my personality has changed so much and in a bad way. i get anxiety attacks, very rare though.
there was a period when i hit my kids too, not anymore though. dont think that i am an evel mother i am not. this hitting happend when i was living in pakistan with 3 kids and my husband was abroad. dealing with 3 little ones whole day , doing all house work and living in a very small house , no place for kids to play , got no friends or relatives in the city etc, this all made me sick and thats the time when i got anxiety attacks. thanks GOD now we r together again and things got so much better. i donot hit my kids anymore , still some shouting going on but i will control that too inshallah. whenever i think kids r getting on my nerves i call their father to deal with them. i still need to learn how to control my anger and be patience.
ohhh my God i wrote a long story, i hope u got my point. so thats the reason my kids r behaving like this, so tell me how i deal with this, what changes i need to make in my behaviour which will have positive impact on my kids.
Re: Suggestions Please
Children learn behaviors from home. If you shout they'll shout. If you hit, then hit each other, if you show them attitude, they'll show theirs. So for the betterment of the children, relax and tackle things one by one.
It's smart to let their dad deal with them once a while.
Re: Suggestions Please
well they dont have much toys , no toy can live up to their tests. my eldest , the most curious, wants to open everything, he wants to know whats inside and end up breaking his toys. he does clean up though when i ask him to but my daughter no way.
i am sure yur kids r having good time, i am trying to do same with my kids and let them play but a bit hard as i cant stand mess.i had to cleanup right away . when ever they r playing with lego or cards i keep on thinking " hmm more work for me to do". but right now i will make them to clean up first round of toys before getting more toys out.
i love all of u nice GS ladies and yur tips.
Re: Suggestions Please
with lotion it was mostly my 3.5 year old daughter, my soon to be 5 yrs old boy never touched it. but it was really hard to control my daughter, we tried to tell her nicely that if u want lotion ask me and i will give u, or use lotion only after bath, she will remeber it only for one day if she does atall. i even shouted at her but nothing worked with her. i dont ignore when they do something wrong, but my husband says that i interfare too much in what they r doing and thats why they dont listen to me unless i called them a bit loudly. at this point i have zero patience and tolerance level. problems in life made me like this , i never thought i would be like this one day. Since my mother died almost 4 years ago , my personality has changed so much and in a bad way. i get anxiety attacks, very rare though. there was a period when i hit my kids too, not anymore though. dont think that i am an evel mother i am not. this hitting happend when i was living in pakistan with 3 kids and my husband was abroad. dealing with 3 little ones whole day , doing all house work and living in a very small house , no place for kids to play , got no friends or relatives in the city etc, this all made me sick and thats the time when i got anxiety attacks. thanks GOD now we r together again and things got so much better. i donot hit my kids anymore , still some shouting going on but i will control that too inshallah. whenever i think kids r getting on my nerves i call their father to deal with them. i still need to learn how to control my anger and be patience. ohhh my God i wrote a long story, i hope u got my point. so thats the reason my kids r behaving like this, so tell me how i deal with this, what changes i need to make in my behaviour which will have positive impact on my kids.
I understand you totally. I myself have been through a phase where I just didnt have any patience or tolerance anymore and even the sligtest thing could tick me off and I would be completely lost and even more stressed out. What I would suggest is, make rules and make them obey them. Make simple rules at first, like drawing can only be done in one area, playing in a certain roo, no screaming, no shouting, no hitting. Like njgal said, that way you will have a chance to decorate some places of their house pr. your taste. I think the most important thing is that your kids dont see you as a weak person. Be firm and stand by what you mean. If they have done something wrong, there needs to be a punishment and a consequence. Dont let these small things pass by, because later on these things become bigger issue. Chote bache, chote issues and bade bache bade issues. You need to handle them now. When they do something wrong, which is making you burst out in anger, take a minut or two to recite Bismillah and calm yourself down, perhaps in another room. And dont worry, no mother is an evil mother if she slapped her now and then, IMO thats not damaging for the child. It is the constant beating and constant shouting which leeds to no results at all.
Some people suggested you should start with your daughter and your son and leave the 2 year old for now. I think you may as well start with them all.
So what you need to do when your kids are being destructive.
1: Recite Bismillah and other verses if you wish. Calm down.
2: Remove the child from the destructing element. If he/she isnt listening, I dont think there is any harm in using force.
3: Firmly explain your child why, what he/she is doing is wrong. Very imp. step and a lot of parents do forget this one.
4: Consequences, consequences, consequences.
5: Be constant. No, "uff aaj mujhse nahin hota" .. Everyday and anyday, the same rules and consequences are applied.
I am putting loads of stress on consequences, because it is the way human nature is. We dont learn or obey until we know the consequences.
Re: Suggestions Please
thanks sweetmoi , i am on it from now.