What do you do when you feel like your parents are suffocating you.
Thier behavior hasnt changed its just that you seem to have less patience for them.
The problem being you want to be there for them… but you feel like they are driving you crazy! The load of responsibility is just too much.
How do you handle the situation and not hurt your very very sensative parents?
Depends on your age, how old are you?
23 and married
Oh boy!
If you were a teenager, I'd have said that responsibilites heaped upon by the parents will only build character in the long run. But it's not the same when you are in your 20s, let alone married. Especially when married!
Your priorities lie with your family (husband, kids - if you have any), and then anyone else. I recommend establishing some boundaries, it may take some doing but it's worth it.
I hope you are not the only child?
Make sure they don't live TOO close. For real.
A lot of times reasoning with them doesn't work either.
I agree take control tell them you now have your own family and their needs come first..
and depending on what it is they are doing you may have to tell them to grow up and start behaving like adults!
suffocating parents
hmm smother them with a pillow when asleep?
^:hoonh:
What about the islamic way of helping your parents and not even an uff. Where is the balance between your needs and the Islamic way.
My husband and I live with my parents. At first its seemed perfect since I didnt have much time to be a housewife.
Now we’re thinking about moving out but there is no way that we can do that without hurting them or it becomming a family fiasco.
Oh what a Pickle!!
Make allowances for your parents, their advancing age, their expectations and hopes about you. Also, try to think some of the problem issues from their points of view.
I live with my parents and am married. They haven’t lived with my elder brothers and sisters and if we were in Pakistan it would have been a different situation but here in US they are not used to the fast pace. And as they migrated in their 60s, I can understand how hard it is for them to adjust. Living with them is no smooth sailing but I can’t think of moving out.
We (me and my wife) figured out that most parents have small little expectations that keep the tension ion in the house to a minimum. Often they just need recognition and someone to talk to. So, when I come home from work, I spend half an hour out of the evening with my mother and that keeps her calm. My wife makes a point to ask her what to cook and sometimes make something special for my Dad. We also noticed that taking them out to meet other parents with whom they can share their worries usually keeps them occupied. Grand Children change a lot and have in our family.
So, I would suggest finding little things that your parents expect and see if you can accommodate them in your schedule. For example, my Dad stays content the whole day if I say the Fajar prayers with him in congregation.
And it's stressed in Islam because it's not easy... but yet essential for the social system.
well being patient and all is def good, but only half way there..parents need to realize, and/or it needs to be explained to them how they can meet u half way.
responsibility is one thing, but if they want to get too involved, or call you every 2 hours to see how u are, or have an opinion on anything and everything that you do, then they need to chill out back off and let their grown up kids be treated liek grown ups. Alhumdulillah, my parents are great in this respect, but i have seen closely what some parents may do if they refuse to treat their kids like adults and want o have a say or opinion in everything.
You have to use your judgment. Islam emphasizes reflection and thought in every aspect of life – that is if you are a follower.
Only you and your husband can determine the level of concessions you can make in your situation. Ahmadjee has given terrific suggestions but your situation might be more severe – different parents have different temperaments.
To sum it all up, determine the level of severity of the daily issues and consider the level tolerance and temperament of all parties concerned. whatever you decide, in the end, people will learn to accept.
I had to ask my mum to leave cos it was affecting my relationship with my husband. shes not speaking to us now, but im happier at home than I was before. And its not like she hasnt got any sons to live with, Un ka sar khaayein ja ke for a change.
Multi nick.
In my case it doesnt affect my relationship with my Salman because they seem to love him.
Its just that they expect me to do certain things.. its okay if my lil brother messes up.. its almost expected But Maria has to be the perfect wife, daughter and sister..
like for instance I havent done the laundry for a week now and she was telling me how I should be on top of things. Well I work.. and want to vegetate when I come home.
I dunno.. I love my parents dearly but our lifestyles are soooooo different.. i accept that but they dont.. they want me to be like them.
Muniya I wanted to know why you live with them to begin with? Was it financial reasons?
Not really...
As I said..Both Salman and I are in school and work fulltime jobs. There are days that Salman comes home like 2 am.
And Salman really has no family here... It just seemed like a good idea at the time..
We have our own apartment downstairs... parents have the top two floors but we end up spending most of our time at my parents.
hmm well I'm not married yet.. but I have seen signs of 'maturity' lol with my mom over the past year or so .. and so I talk to her alot more openly now..
She's a big time worrier and will make you start worrying too if you let her. lol
Now that she's calmed down lol and after I warned her she may not like me if I were to be more open with her but that either way she has no choice to accept it .. things are just great!
I mean there are a few things we will never agree with on.. but she's cool with who I am..
and we get along really great! :) esp since
other adults have nothing but the highest praise for me :)
so far so good ;)
Our parents are so set in their ways especially coming from a generation where you simply did not discuss things with your elders you simply did as you were told.. it is something they really have no idea how to deal with.
Still they just need to be needed just like everyone else .. and I think alot of times our growing up is both a sense of pride and fear for them.
They are proud to see us independent and scared they are no longer needed.
Find a way to involve them in your life and keep em busy ;) .. lol that's the secret!