The other day I happend to hear a 4 years old boy calling his father STUPID MONKEY not once but around 3-4 times.
The father showed no reaction what so ever not even after he realized that other people had been aware of the situation.
Now what exactly is going on in this abba jans brain??? What is he trying to teach his kid with letting him get away with this sort of disrespect??? That too with his own father??? And last but not least, ye bacha barra ho kay kia karay ga?? What if when he is much older and still shows this kinda behavior, will the father still ignore it?
Ps: I strongly believe it’s not the kid but the father who is at fault here.
Very sad.. I've seen kids who just act out, disturb everyone around them (screaming for no reason, runnning around etc) and the parents just keep quiet dont even try to discipline them.. not just in pak but in NY as well
Thats a tough thing...I mean you dont know what the circumstances are behind the kids acting out. We dont tolerate bad behavior from our littles but we also have understanding in certain circumstances. Like our big road trip over the summer....we had been driving for 11 hours so boyz were all cooped up in their car seats all day. When they got out, it was for dinner but they ran around the bar/restaurant that was part of the campground where we stayed. Of course they had too much energy and were overly excited so we let it go - a BIT. Little ones respond so much better to positive reinforcement than negative but of course there are limits. And you always run into those who think kids are obnoxious unless they act like prim soldiers...you just have to strive to find that happy medium. Which doesnt really exist lol! But you hafta try, yeah?
As mamaof3 said, kids have so much energy to burn that they have to run around. It is just natural. You just have to look at babies to understand that. Kicking around their legs non-stop before they can walk. awwwwwwwwww!!
my question is…where did he learn this from? I would have spanked my kid right there in front of everyone…he would think twice before calling me that again!
I call my niece “silly monkey” (she says the same to me) but thats out of love
He should remain quiet infront of people and later go to his room when he is alone and teach him manners politely. What can be conveyed politely with love and sincerity can't be effectively taught through a stick or aggressive behaviour to a generation of internet and cable, specially when you want him to respect you.
Sajal, its so nice of you to be understanding! But alas, the patrons of the establishment didnt care or wonder why they were acting up etc. It was a very difficult situation as I'm sure you can imagine...kids need to expend their energy and thats a fact. We strive to let them do this in an age-appropriate fashion but it isnt always possible. But when you happen on a place or a person who understands this and attempts to make things easier for the littles or for the parents, its something that never ever will be forgotten!
and ps if MY littles called an adult (or each other for that matter) a "stupid monkey", they'd get the naughty corner for sure.
Sajal, its so nice of you to be understanding! But alas, the patrons of the establishment didnt care or wonder why they were acting up etc. It was a very difficult situation as I'm sure you can imagine...kids need to expend their energy and thats a fact. We strive to let them do this in an age-appropriate fashion but it isnt always possible. But when you happen on a place or a person who understands this and attempts to make things easier for the littles or for the parents, its something that never ever will be forgotten!
and ps if MY littles called an adult (or each other for that matter) a "stupid monkey", they'd get the naughty corner for sure.
I really don't want to argue, since I dont have kids and I don't wnat karma to come and bite me in the ass one day... i understand that kids need to expend energy and that's healthy, however, shudn't this be done in a place that's FOR kids? Like playground or a restuarnat exclusively for kids?
I hardly think the subway is the best place for kids to run around or hang from the pole or climb the seats, esp when the car is half-full or at a restaurant when ppl are tryin to eat in peace
Well, I think I should explain one thing here. Till the age of 9 don't force a child to do anything or not to do anything, because mostly probably he would do the opposite. Just be more patient and caring with him. But it also depends upon the nature of the child.
I was the most violent child the people of my village had ever seen. Everytime I meet my old relatives they don't believe me to be the same child whom they meet years before and I hear alot of stories from many relatives including my parents, uncles and aunts.
They say," When you used to get angry at the age of 5 there used to be destruction everywhere. You used to use abusive words for everyone around you specially for your parents. YOu attacked one of your cousins with a knife and even tried to shoot one of your aunt with a gun (which you found from somewhere). The more aggressive anyone used to get with you the more you broke different things in the house and hurt people. Alot of people used to think that you should be admitted to a psychatric ward or place for abnormal children, till we started teaching you namaz and Islamic teachings politely"
Ms Sara you are quite right and I agree with you - for day-to-day living. But you have to remember that there are times when day-to-day living is impossible due to travel, visiting and various and sundry other circumstances. When these happen, the moms of the world suffer intolerably!! Because the kids DO act up but worse than their actions is the re-actions of the people that they meet up with. There are times when you meet with those who understand what it is and other times when all you get is nasty stares of hatred.
Ms Sara you are quite right and I agree with you - for day-to-day living. But you have to remember that there are times when day-to-day living is impossible due to travel, visiting and various and sundry other circumstances. When these happen, the moms of the world suffer intolerably!! Because the kids DO act up but worse than their actions is the re-actions of the people that they meet up with. There are times when you meet with those who understand what it is and other times when all you get is nasty stares of hatred.
Hmm yeah i can get that it might be difficult to always keep tehm in control...
But in ur opinion, what is worse, when u get stares, or when they openly complain to you? Because I really try to not even look at them, much less look the other way, though at times the look on my face is enough.. in any case I try to just move away, if thats possible.. :(
hmmm. not sure ms sara...I mean, usually my boyz are very well behaved. But during our big road trip, we had a really bad experience where boyz annoyed bar patrons and restaurant staff. We corralled them and kept them under control but it was made plain that they were not welcome - in a campground with restaurant that advertised a "family-friendly" atmosphere...NOT!!! That aside, the staff COULD have set up a place for us away from the bar and its patrons. Instead, all they did was provide really bad service and roll their eyes at everything the boys said or did. We left there early but it was a sad thing to endure.
The people I have talked about in my initial post always have this abnormal attiutude of not disiplining their children. Yes it's absolutely abnormal in my opinion to keep letting your child get away with this sort of behavior. Since this was a bit too much I thought they would atleast let the child realize what he had said.
But niether father nor the mother tried to stop the child.
And no it wasn't the shame that had kept the father/mother from saying anything. It's more like a routine thing for them but absolutely shocking to me everytime I get the pleasure
of seeing something like this.
He should remain quiet infront of people and later go to his room when he is alone and teach him manners politely. What can be conveyed politely with love and sincerity can't be effectively taught through a stick or aggressive behaviour to a generation of internet and cable, specially when you want him to respect you.
If next time he behaves well, buy him a gift.
I dont think so! why should a parent buy a gift for a child who behaves well? The child should behave well without having to give any incentive.
also....teaching a child not to disrespect their parents "politely" isnt going to work especially with kids nowadays. You have to be stern when it comes to showing respect so that they no never to do it again. I dont know...but for mer personally I wont be able to tolerate my child disrespecting me...other things maybe.
kids are not slaves You cnt always be strict with them. And if good behavior is not rewarded, or treated any differently than bad behavior then why should the kid behave well?
Also, you are sometimes going to get lucky and get kids who are just polite no matter what and then you will get kids that are just rude and bratty no matter how much you discipline them or try to reason with them.
Kids these days are much smarter and clverer than kids long time ago. They know things and understand things at almost exactly the same level as adults. If you treat a kid with respect and not insult their intlligence, they will respond.
perhaps you misread what I wrote…I never said ALWAYS…i said be strict when it comes to disrespecting the parents (because a child will do it again and again if you let it slide)…and that’s just for me personally. There are somethings parents can be stern about and somethings parents should let go of. If a parent is strict about everything…then their very chid will grow up resenting them. Rewards should be given for bringing home good grades, for doing chores…not for respecting your parents…that’s just something they should know they have to do no matter what.
Every child is different and every child should be dealt with accordingly…for some rewards wont work for others it might. For others speaking to them “politely” and in a lovingly way may work and for others it wont.
You cnt always be strict with them. And if good behavior is not rewarded, or treated any differently than bad behavior then why should the kid behave well?