well.. a situation has come up and i might have to take a break for a semsiter and go back home for rukhsati earlier than planned. so i might not be able to finish it this year.. i guess the question i want to ask is, is it hard to finish studies after marriage? i can’t seem to make up my mind. jana bhi zaroori hai.. aur khatam bhi karna chah rahi hooN.
any suggestions? advice?
Re: studying after marriage..
From what I heard from married students, it's a little bit more difficult to study after you are married, especially for a girl. Not only because parhaayi mein dil nahi lagta but also because there are one million other things she's expected to do at home. There's just not enough time. That's what I have heard.
Re: studying after marriage..
suroor...i think its different for every individual......some ppl can manage it no matter what .....n some just can't cope in a new n changed atmosphere/situation!
i for one did attend schoo for sometime but it was not soon after marriage ....i think anas was 7-8 months old then.....but it wasn't very hectic as it was just a language course .....but i know i can do it ...n i plan to continue once zainab starts school, inshaAllah
while my sis just can't imagine it ....n she's trying to take part 1 (afterM.B.B.S) so she doesn't need to study afterwards:)
Re: studying after marriage..
Yes, studying after marriage is very much possible..only, if the person wants to. My phupho did her second MA after marriage..so did my khala..two relatives of mine did Ph.d's after marriage and kids. I am studying as well and will continue on even after the birth of my son and i will keep on studying until i die. The hardest time to study is the time between nikah and rukhsati..and you have survived that Alhumdullilah. It becomes more easier when you live with your husband and go back to study. You get more support and help and encouragement then. Its not hard at all to study even if the person is expecting (talking from experience)...but some people take break then and go back once their kids are born.
Re: studying after marriage..
Qrius, Afia and shakira.. thank u.
i guess i am leaning on a taking a semister off it seems. i just dont like leaving things hanging ..especially when i am so close to finishing it..
Re: studying after marriage..
There are many things to consider here...I mean, its easier if you live in a small apartment OR have help around the house. I worked full time and went to school at night for 3 years...it was really hard but since I lived in a very small apt, there wasnt much to clean, no kiddies to take care of, not fussy about food so just grab a sandwich etc. It all depends on the particular situation and how much help or support you have.
Re: studying after marriage..
Hello Suroor, sweety first of all congrats!! May Allah bless you with all the happiness in the upcoming marriage. First of all anything is possible at anytime if you put your heart and mind to it.
I am speaking from experience. I recently finsihed my degree with a dual major and after marriage. Actually I did not start until I went through two miscarriages and going back to school seemed like the best option.
A lot depends on what kind of support you get from your hubby inlaws, etc.
I lived alone with my hubby so it was much more manageable. My husband supported me very much. There were times that i was not able to cook so we ate out but i made up for that time on weekends and breaks.
It is mostly about how you prioritize things. YOu will have to put lot of energy and hard work into it but InshaAllah you will be able to finish it. Do take time off now and have a relaxed rukhsati. Spend some quality time with your hubby and mentally prepare yourself.
Don't worry, all will be fine! For now just focus on your wedding and enjoy it!!!!
Re: studying after marriage..
It's harder to study after marriage but not impossibly so. Enjoy your wedding and all the best of luck.
Re: studying after marriage..
If both husband and wife are students then it generally works out ok, but if one party is still studying it does kinda dampen the marriage 'feeling'. I mean the last thing you want is your spouse stressing over assignments and exams, which incidently means spending a lot less time together. Generally people see being a student is a phase in life and next step up is a career and then marriage. Trying to mix and match these stages together requires a lot of support and understanding from the other half.
I'd say get the studying out of the way first and then move in together. As long as you have your nikkah done you can still spend quality time together.
Re: studying after marriage..
suroor_ca, you getting married already. whats the rush yaar? getting married without a bachelors degree... sounds like a bad idea. why you ask... well turn the table around how would you feel about marrying someone without one? especially if its just a semester left. finish it up.
Re: studying after marriage..
Well if its a matter of one semester, then why not postpone the wedding?
It also depends on what you’d like to do after studying - are you trying to start a career? Are you planning on getting other degrees? Or you plan on being a housewife?
You see, if the grades don’t matter much, and you just need to pass, that’s one thing. But if grades matter…
Well, I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way, IMHO. But that’s me.
Also depends on what your man says - talk to him, and see what his input is. Also keep in mind your in-laws. Sometimes boys say one thing, but then their families pressure them into something else. 
Re: studying after marriage..
my husband and my inlaws are great. they're not pressuring me or forcing me to do anything that i dont want. they are very nice and understanding Alhumdulillah. its my decision basically.. lekin its the matter of doing the right thing under the circumstances.
khair.. thank u for advices. keep em coming :-) its giving me a lot to think about before making my deicision.
lolly: he doesnt love me for the amount of degrees i may or must have. :p
Re: studying after marriage..
Observation tells me that it is definitely possible; however, how difficult the task is, is a relative concept and is dependent on various factors. I, for one, have seen hundreds of such successful cases so it is definitely not imposssible yet it must be a sacrifice requiring task. Wallah-O-Alam.
Re: studying after marriage..
Its possible but very difficult. I know this aunty of mine she graduated with honors in masters mashallah but her masters took her 4 years instead of 2 years.
This close friend of mine who is a girl with dreams and passion, she didnt give up her studying. Unfortuantely she got in to a very uneducated family and today she is divorced. When she came out of her class there were 5 missed calls from her sass. Her husband started to cheat on her when she wasnt around *. Her jithaniyan were jealous and made sure her life was miserable. Marriage lasted 3 years only *sigh such a pretty and religious girl *sigh...
I am nikahfied! I refused for rukhsati and i still do until i go somewhere with my career. I want to have fun after shadi. Take care of hubby, his family have kids and enjoy life. But before that its nia's life and nia has alot of tasks and nia will fulfill all of her dreams. My family wants me to do rukhsati and so does his family. If it was up to him hafiz sahib would have made sure this year was my second child. I refused and i still do everyone can go to hell I know i am right. He was told i will not do it until i am ready. My Abu ji supports me all the time on this issue.
I feel my soul came to this world to do something amazing and give something back to the society until i reach that level nia will not get rukhsati done. :~) i did nikah to get them off my back. Now nia is getting ready for masters and kick some asses big time inshallah in grad school.
My aunt wants to argue with me on i simply say dua karein. I know one day they will realize that i am right. They dont see the picture from my side. I know i am right and they are right from where they are standing. But i cant give up my dreams and wishes to please bunch of family memebers and aunties.
Giving up dreams is part of paki girl we are taught to give up and compromise. I object!*
Re: studying after marriage..
i think as long as u have ur spouse's support...it is doable..
Re: studying after marriage..
Suroor i wud advice u to finish ur studies if its only one or two semesters left.
Just finish it off quickly and then get married. Enjoy ur married life completely relieved.
Wish u all the best.
Re: studying after marriage..
Suroor.. i would say finish the semester.. then u can enjoy life without havin worries abt study.. :)
Re: studying after marriage..
i dunno how im gonna study after i get married, my MIL will suck the life out of me, then throw me away whilst eating her ghee paraatha and samosa, fat thing. shes like a walking, talking plague
Re: studying after marriage..
suroor whatever you decide InshAllah it will work. A lot of people continue with their studies after the marriage , and it usually works out so I would say dont worry too much about it. Make some solid decisions after thinking through what you want. And an extra semester is not much at all. Best of luck.