The thing is that before even my brothers got married, my parents decided to live seperately after their kids get married. My eldest is in islamabad and my younger brother lives in lahore.
My mothers point was she never had to deal with the inlaws and she doesnt want to be a burden on hers sons. They have a right to have some privacy after they get married. As my younger borther is in the same city he bought a house closer to my parents…just across the street. My sister inlaws and my parents have a very healthy and positive relationship. They are old and my mom is very sick and my brothers want them to move in with either of them so that they can take care of them. When my eldest brother asked them to move in with him they made the same burden excuse and such crap, so he said why not move in with for few months have a total medical check up and teh surgery that is required and then if every thing goes well you can move back. My mom refused saying since my brother is really busy at work (he has to commute 4 times in a week) it would be hard for him and such excuses. he even came to take them back with him and they didnt leave. My younger brother offerend either to move in with them or have them moved to his place and they refused even to that.
My brothers really hurt and have asked me to talk to my parents. No matter what i say they are not convinced. i think my mom has an underlying fear that if she starts living with them her relationship with her DIL’s will go sour.
I fear your parents dont have that comfort level with your brothers that would make them accept their offer.
What woud i do if i were in your brothers place? Do whatever it takes them to come home. There has to be a way, have a talk with them and let them know how important it is for you guys.
Its not the comfort level my mom just has these crazy notions.............even when i was in pakistan, my mom only came to my place may be once in a year? betti k ghar nahe jaa k rehna ........acha nahe lagta kind of stuff and with age i think she has become more stubborn. My elder bro tried to balckmail her bysaying that he has been in boarding since garde 1 then he went abroad for studies, then his job keeps him moving from one place to another and that he never did get to spend much time with her and now he wants her to stay with him to make up for all those years. I think he will just have to drag her with him.
In such a condition when your parents really need to be taken care of you and your brothers should try their best to convince them. Infact why don't you ask your brothers to bring their wives and both should do the convincing part together - that would partly help allievate your mom's fears. If your mom does care about her DIL's enough too avoid situations making things difficult for them. am sure she would be the same even when living together.
And am sure your bhabiz won't have any problem either then...taali ek hath se nai bajti ..so if your mom's so caring the DIL's would be the same IA :)
You say one of the brothers live just across the street. Can't he shift with your parents temporarily? Hopefully your parents wont ask him and his family to move out when they so lovingly want to live together. Just tell your parents that your brothers family wants to live with them temporarily and will move out whenever she will order them to.
1) Is your mom so sick that she is unable to take care of herself on a daily basis? Does she actually need help for daily self-care/chores?
2) You wrote several times how your brother tried to convince your mom to move in with them.....has your bhabis actually ever tried to convince her?? Are your bhabis really ok with her moving in with them? If so, then why hasn't the bhabis themselves spoken to your mother?
3) One of your brothers lives right across the street from your mom. Why can't he and his wife just go across the street to check up on your parents several times a day? Are your bhabis house wives or do they work?
Unless the parents are so sick that they actually require constant attention/care and are not able to take care of themselves.....I don't see the need to force them to move in with the brothers. Especially since one of the brothers lives right across the street.
if they dont wanna stay with your brothers then its fine why you or your brothers wanna force them to be at theirs (your brothers place)? just call them and help them on day to day basis and arrange for a live in nanny or something if they can't afford by themselves. .... some people love to be on their own and thats theirs choice.. if i were at your place, i would never ever push them to relocate (even on temp. basis) but would make sure that they know i love them and i am always there to help them. and will visit them on regular basis ( same goes to your brothers) ...
She does not need help but she has certain medical conditions that if not taken care of right way would leave her confined to bed. This is the issue she is ignoring her health and avoids trips to hospitals. My bhabbis are also with my brothers in thise decision. The brother living across the street is not a good solution as he is a pilot and he is away most of the times and his wife is also working.
She was supposed to have a surgery in january but that had to be rescheduled because of certain other medical conditions....... she never went back for the appointment untill my brother forced her. The doctor has strongly advised her to avoid certain activities and certain food but she never follows it. we dont want to uproot her we just want to make sure that she gets proper medical traetment. My father is 70 and it would be really unfair to him if we leave all the responsibility of taking care of her on him.
for now my younger brother has decided to take his annual leave but we want to take second opinion from doctors in islamabad.
I think you should let your parents decide for themselves. They're old and wise to know what is best for them, you can help by visiting often or ever having a live-in maid for them. I wouldn't try to convince them to live anywhere they don't want to live, maybe they would like to have their own privacy as well.
I know my Dad would never live or depend on any of his children, that's just how he is and that is his comfort zone, in his own home.
She does not need help but she has certain medical conditions that if not taken care of right way would leave her confined to bed. This is the issue she is ignoring her health and avoids trips to hospitals. My bhabbis are also with my brothers in thise decision. The brother living across the street is not a good solution as he is a pilot and he is away most of the times and his wife is also working.
She was supposed to have a surgery in january but that had to be rescheduled because of certain other medical conditions....... she never went back for the appointment untill my brother forced her. The doctor has strongly advised her to avoid certain activities and certain food but she never follows it. we dont want to uproot her we just want to make sure that she gets proper medical traetment. My father is 70 and it would be really unfair to him if we leave all the responsibility of taking care of her on him.
for now my younger brother has decided to take his annual leave but we want to take second opinion from doctors in islamabad.
Why don't both brothers pitch in and hire a full time maid/care taker who will live with your parents? That way that maid/care taker can take are of the parents, do all the house work, and keep you and your brother informed as to what's going on.
In this solution, your parents are still in their home (ie. in their own enviornment and don't feel like they're imposing on their sons)....and you and your brothers know that your parents are being taken care of.