having four kids and raising them on your own is a big challenge MA and I salute you for being the wonderful mom you are. But having time for yourself is something equally crucial too. Just find yourself time to read a good book, listen to good music and also go out and meet your friends !
As for your kids, you can always plan random fun games with them together while getting them to help you with your chores too. IA everything would work out for you! There are times when our social lives just go completely down the drain and we seem totally cooped up in our own place. And then going out and meeting people seems an impossible idea to us too.
And one more thing. GS can offer a great solace. Behind these words and posts there are a lot of wonderful people out here. And I have experienced this myself
One thing I'd stress on is somehow take timeout for yourself regularly. Even if thats is couple of hours every 2/3 days. 2 hour in which you do whatever you want to even if that is pressing your kids cloths, going for a walk or working at local Grocery shop. It REALLY helps. I went through sort of stressful phase when I was running my own business and after every few days I used to feel burned out although I was giving time to business, wife and kids and other social activities but there was no time for myself. My physician strongly advised at least 1 hour every 2nd day in which I do whatever I want to sometimes its gardening, sometimes just watching TV, sometimes I am out in park with kids, sometimes really doing nothing just relaxing and listening to music. It did wonder. You will start feeling like you are living your life instead of surviving your life.
and last but not the least, I am sure you have already seen worst. in a year or so your youngest kid will start going to full day school and then you will have ample time for yourself and to better plan your and your kids life.
Only a man can walk away from his child like that!!
That is a gross generalization. I know more than a couple of women who walked away from their kids like that.
Nothing in the world is gender specific. You had problems with one man , that does not mean every man on this planet is scum of the earth.
I love , respect and cherish my wife and kids . I love to help women in distress. I can relate to anybody who is facing hard time in their lives. I did too face hard time at the hand of men and women , but it did not shake my faith on goodness of one single gender.
There are good and bad apples in each gender . It is never a battle of sexes. If I make some remarks they are just for fun it does not mean that I do not respect womenfolks . How can I hate my mother , my sister , my nani , my dadi ?
Come on girl. Do this for yourself. Study and relax yourself because without being able to drive around it also part of why you're feeling like this.
Imagine how good it would feel to just hang out at a park or some local festivals with the kids.
I know that Gaia and I really believe that a lack of a licence is making feel down. Both my SILs passed first time and I just feel like a complete dunce next to them. It's humiliating having to ask my younger brother to drop me home all the time. I cannot wait to get my license so I can take the kids wherever they want. I want to be able to take them to school in the bad weather etc and I want it more for their sake than anything.
How about for a second don't look at your life as half empty but half full. You have been able to produce 4 children who are not batameeze and who are there when you need them. This is something married women, living life with all it's advantages sometimes cannot achieve. You have been successful at this as a single struggling parent.
Only YOU can take yourself out of misery and make the world look at you with great inspiration. You have a chance of proving to the world that IF a woman doesn't have a man on her side, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. It makes no difference because ALLAH has given enough strength in a woman to deal with THESE hardships.
Can you EVER see your husband doing what you're doing? NO.
I know it's pretty hard but be proud of yourself at least once everyday.
have you applied for social services? I am sure you can get subsidized daycare, you must qualify for it with your situation. Even if your toddler can go for half a day everyday, that will give you what you need to get a part-time job. Your confidence will come when you slowly get back onto your feet.
How about for a second don't look at your life as half empty but half full. You have been able to produce 4 children who are not batameeze and who are there when you need them. This is something married women, living life with all it's advantages sometimes cannot achieve. You have been successful at this as a single struggling parent.
Only YOU can take yourself out of misery and make the world look at you with great inspiration. You have a chance of proving to the world that IF a woman doesn't have a man on her side, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. It makes no difference because ALLAH has given enough strength in a woman to deal with THESE hardships.
Can you EVER see your husband doing what you're doing? NO.
I know it's pretty hard but be proud of yourself at least once everyday.
I think that was a kick up the backside I needed, thanks Gaia x
have you applied for social services? I am sure you can get subsidized daycare, you must qualify for it with your situation. Even if your toddler can go for half a day everyday, that will give you what you need to get a part-time job. Your confidence will come when you slowly get back onto your feet.
I think with the funds in my area reduced pretty much, it's unlikely I can apply for this but will check out the directgov.co.uk link which may help. Thanks for the sugestion x
Keep going with the driving, don't give up! It took me ages to pass because I'd get so nervous in test conditions and do stupid things but eventually I had a female examiner who was so sweet and put me at ease that I did an awesome drive. Forget about your SILs... I was learning to drive at the same time as my much younger siblings and cousins who were passing on their first or second go.. just keep focussed on the bigger picture.
I may not get agreement on this point but 13 and 12 years old are not kids in my opinion and are perfectly capable of looking after the house and younger kids. They may not be ready to take on that much responsibility at the moment but if you start working on it, you should be able to get them to that position, so that if you want to spend some time doing stuff for yourself, you can do so without worrying about them.
I know it's not ideal... kids should have their childhood but a little bit of give and take is needed so you can be the best mum you can be as well.
After reading your post, I just wanted to come over and hug u! I think you're doing a fantastic job. Have u got any surestart children's centres by you? They do lots of activities for mums and babies, perhaps u could go along to a local mother and baby groups? Have u been on netmums.com? They have a section where u fan meet up with other mums. I have met some really lovely friends.
Don't give up on the driving, keep at it, we're all here for you
After reading your post, I just wanted to come over and hug u! I think you're doing a fantastic job. Have u got any surestart children's centres by you? They do lots of activities for mums and babies, perhaps u could go along to a local mother and baby groups? Have u been on netmums.com? They have a section where u fan meet up with other mums. I have met some really lovely friends.
Don't give up on the driving, keep at it, we're all here for you
Hi BB and thanks for that. I have been to a few surestart sessions but the problem is, my housework gets delayed, there is shopping to be done and I like to get that all out of the way and not do it in the evenings when the kids are in bed as that is 'my' time. I am also a member of netmums, it's my escape lol! Just recently joined them and am looking to make friends with local mums.
having four kids and raising them on your own is a big challenge MA and I salute you for being the wonderful mom you are. But having time for yourself is something equally crucial too. Just find yourself time to read a good book, listen to good music and also go out and meet your friends !