growing up how strict have you parents been regarding to you ‘hanging out’ with friends? my parents were quite strict with me during my teens. i had many white friends who would often meet during the weekends to go shopping or the cinema but i always knew that my parents wouldnt allow me to go so i used to make excuses up, i.e. i have a wedding to go to, etc. at the time i hated it but now i realise why my parents did it. the main factor for them, i think, to be strict on me was mainly beacause we live in the UK, society is well… messed up. Now that i am older and wiser (ahem) my parents have slowly slowly let me go and let me do my own thing with regards to meeting up with friends but they are still cautious.
When i was in my teens i used to have friend who had ALLOT AND I MEAN ALLOT of mates who were guys. Now my parents knew this girl because my dad would often give her lifts in his car from school. My dad used to see her quite allot walking around with boys and he would say to me “i saw ur friend walking with 5 guys” and this made me worried that my dad will think i’m like that and hence the reason for me having no social life in my teens.
sorri for rambling on but i just wondered how strict were/are your parents regarding your social life.
my dad was pretty ok ... but then again i use to hang out with pretty much all guys ... never had any grl or anyone callin me home ... he use to check out my jacket and wallet for stuff ... and once he found a lighter that i use to light candles on a cake and i didn't even realize teh whole cigarette thing till a day later (yes i had a huge blonde moment) ... and hes always kept a tab on where i'm spending my pocket money so that way he knows if i'm in some bad habbit ... but yea overall it wasn't that bad
My parents were not super strict on me , but always draw a line when needed . I thank them now that they did . Otherwise I might have turned out to be a spoiled kid (though I still am) .
nag nag nag nag … is this whats left of u ppl .. nag nag nag about parents, relatives .. how ungrateful u lot are .. if parents do something or ask you not to or do something .. its for ur ownn blaaady good ..
i went to an all girls school. each time it was my friend’s birthday, and i wanted to go, my mom would remind me of how i just went last year … and then she would only let me be there for like 3 hours. not more.
it did make me really frustrated. i grew up in pakistan. i was rebellious for quite some time.
VERY strict. No non-Muslim friends, no malls, no male friends, no unnecessary shopping or hanging around, no social life at all until I got to college.
PCG is right, this is the worst thing and the reason most non-desis (in the UK anyway) have such a bad opinion of desi Muslims.. We used to see these white girls around my town who were kinda like Amish.. headscarves, long skirts etc. but the boys were also dressed in traditional clothes too and we were told they had exactly the same rules, when it comes to us we tend to only apply the rules to girls so ppl rightly call us hypocrites..
My Mum was a lot stricter with me than my brother and a couple of times even let him go out whilst I had to stay in, even tho he’s a little younger than me.. luckily dad fought my corner and told me I should just do my own thing regardless of what she said, even covered for me when I went away on holidays lol.. One time I confronted her about the double standards regarding me and my brother and she turned around and said “he can’t get pregnant” (hmmm, would that mean it’s ok for him to go and get somebody else’s daughter pregnant then?)..
Apart from the fear of them getting involved with guys, part of me thinks some mums nowadays are a bit jealous/resentful at the thought of their daughters being allowed to do things they were never allowed to do.. one auntie mentioned to me the other day she wasn’t allowed to choose her own wedding outfit so why should her DIL be able to
Im glad that my parents didnt give me all the freedom in the world! I grew up with the exact amount of freedom I needed, to the extent i was allowed to go away on my own but can happily say that the freedom was never abused!
My parents were the same with me as they were with my brothers. No separate rules. With my parents though, it was more about trust and respect. We all knew our boundaries. Our parents trusted us and we would never break that trust. My parents are more like my best friends, especially my dad (hence the nick on here)... there isn't anything that I cannot share with my dad. Even my friends talk to my dad about their problems, rather than their own parents!! :) :)
^ I'm like that with my dad as well, I can talk to him about anything, guys I fancy, any problems I've had etc., tbh I probably would have run away or something if both my parents had had that typical traditional desi mentality.. The strange thing was my mum always pushed me academically but when it came to our personal lives it was like she was living in the dark ages..
I wouldn't say my parents were strict but there were definitely limits. I wasn't allowed to stay out later than 12am and even then they had to pick me up from wherever I was. Of course they had no problems with me going out during the day but they were a tad stricter when it came to evening events. Having guy mates wasn't exactly encouraged but then I rarely had contact with guys as a teen because I went to an all girls school. One thing I wasn't allowed as a teen were sleepovers :(
I knew my boundaries and they trusted me with them. I was happy with the freedom I was given, some girls I knew had little to no social life. Also, the same rules apply to my brothers so we're definitely not treated differently.
My dad was super strict … I wasn’t even allowed to talk to friends on the phone when I was in school let alone go to birthday parties or their houses , college was better… I could go to birthday parties or sometimes go eat at a restaurant (special occasions only) but with our driver only, I was not allowed to be picked up or dropped by anyone else. University life was more azaad but I was too conservative by then, haha… I guess my dad succeeded in his mission
VERY strict. No non-Muslim friends, no malls, no male friends, no unnecessary shopping or hanging around, no social life at all until I got to college.
My parents were EXACTLY like this (other than the no non-Muslim friends). And truth be told, I'm no worse for it.
Its difficult for parents tostrike that perfect balance...that of giving enough freedom that the child doesnt feel restrained but not enough to encourage them to completely go astray. I dont have girls but would be every bit as devastated if my boy caused an out-of-wedlock pregnancy...they're still very young but are being taught respect above all. And that some things are to happen with your WIFE, when you get MARRIED. A strong foundation of moral concepts and an open channel of communication is essential I think.
In striking that perfect balance of freedoms, parents also have to consider the child. Freedom and privacy are earned. Not freely given. If theres ANY reason to suspect that too much freedom is causing bad behaviors, then freedoms should be revoked. End of story.
I've surely seen parents who take this issue to extremes - ie., trying to impose strict sharia while raising kids in a western country/environment...and thats really a recipe for disaster. Even psych 101 classes willtell you that the child who is completely diferent from the others is a target for all sorts of baddies. So...if you are into Sharia then raise your kids where this is at least somewhat of a norm. Dont let your child be the odd-man-out. Give them as much freedom as they can handle in a responsible manner. And never cease to teach and encourage them.
… and then she would only let me be there for like 3 hours. not more.
