I’ve only got a couple of months left until my wedding and I’m just feeling so stressed out that I just want to sit alone somewhere and bawl my eyes out. I know it’s only one day and that everyone will soon forget about my wedding, but I just can’t help but to feel panicky.
I don’t really like the lengha I’ve ordered and dislike the motifs on it - to the point that I don’t want to attend my own wedding. I don’t know what I was thinking when I ordered it. I saw someone wearing something almost identical to it and it just looked tacky - it’s just made me so depressed.
On top of that I have difficult family members to deal with - such as those specific family members who will just not budge off the stage to allow family photographs, or those who will follow me down the aisle when I only want my parents to walk me down.
Then I’ve got a situation where I only wanted 2 flower girls, but it turns out that quite a few guests who have small daughters will be wearing cream/white flower girl type dresses, and the girls I had chosen to play these vital roles are my neices, and I can’t have them wearing the same as the other normal guests there either.
I’m just so confused and depressed right now. And it seems my immediate family is fed up with the wedding planning - leaving me feeling pretty isolated because most decisions are having to be made by myself only and I’m getting little feedback from them.
Cancel the order for the dress and wear something else, or wear it and try to improve it with your jewellery, shoes and makeup.
Tell all the family guests you don’t want to enter with you to go straight to the hall, and don’t say what time you’ll be there. Also have one of your siblings or friends by the stage to move family members along when the photos are being taken. The photographer should also be able to help with this.
Have a break from wedding planning. Go do something fun with your friends or siblings like a theme park or cinema trip, to help you be less stressed!
And most of all enjoy yourself. It really doesn’t matter if one thing goes wrong as like you said its only one day. You have your whole married life to look forwards to!
I haven't been a bride before but I recently attended a friend's wedding where the bride was really depressed afterwards because she never got a chance to take photos with her work friends and even extended family on the stage because the groom's family would NOT move off the stage to the point that they were pushed out of the hall because they had only hired the hall for the afternoon.
She was really upset and it made me realise that although family members should have told those specific guests to move once they had taken their photo, it isnt in some people's nature to be that assertive or pushy (like my friend's family), **so it is really important that you have an assertive photographer who knows exactly who the main wedding party are and is able to boss people about and tell the guests to move when they have taken thier picture.
**Trust me, the one thing you look back on after a wedding, it isnt the food, the hall decorations or even the bride's outfit (because at the end of the day fashions change, so something which looks good now probably won't in 5 years, never mind 20) it is the photos / videos and the amount of photos which contain your immediate family.
I know I said before that I havent been a bride yet but this nugget of wisdom is from the aftermath of my sister's wedding when my parents were really annoyed that we (the bride's family) were barely in the wedding video compared to the groom's immediate AND extended family.
So make sure you tell your photographer beforehand who you want most of the pictures taken off, and also let him/her know that you have some family members who will probably stay on the stage all day and that they will need to be told to move off the stage bduring the wedding.
Hope this advice is helpful, Dont worry !
Good Luck with everything !! :)
Thanks for the laugh KKF, but any more desserts and I'll be waddling from side to side down the aisle on the day and my fiance will run away, lol.....:p
Uzzy - I can't cancel the order now, so I guess I'll just have to make it work or if it comes back and I'm not fond of it at all and it really is REALLY REALLY bad, then I'll just cut my losses and lose the deposit and get something else instead. But thanks for the advice and the idea of getting head bands for the girls, I think that's a really good idea - just have to find them now. :)
Books - thanks for the insight. I know what you mean about getting a photographer who will move everyone off the stage when needed but the thing is my guests are REALLY stubborn and don't move even if someone is telling them to MOVE. I guess I'll just have to tell people to move myself because it seems like it will have to come down to that.
Thanks for the laugh KKF, but any more desserts and I'll be waddling from side to side down the aisle on the day and my fiance will run away, lol.....
Uzzy - I can't cancel the order now, so I guess I'll just have to make it work or if it comes back and I'm not fond of it at all and it really is REALLY REALLY bad, then I'll just cut my losses and lose the deposit and get something else instead. But thanks for the advice and the idea of getting head bands for the girls, I think that's a really good idea - just have to find them now. :)
Books - thanks for the insight. I know what you mean about getting a photographer who will move everyone off the stage when needed but the thing is my guests are REALLY stubborn and don't move even if someone is telling them to MOVE. I guess I'll just have to tell people to move myself because it seems like it will have to come down to that.
Hey,
Wow your guests sound really stubborn lol. Well I guess maybe your photographer will have to say something like
"thank you for the photos, they are looking great but i'm afraid you are going to have to move now for others to take thier photos and if you do not, i'm afraid im going to have to stop taking photographs until you do move. and also you are being incredibly insensitive to the bride and groom by not taking into account thier feelings and understanding that they will want to have photos of ALL of the guests who attended their wedding. Thanks again"
I bet if the photographer stops taking photos they will have to move!
or if you want I can come along and act as a bouncer to your wedding stage and move people along lol :p
If you are paying this much money to have the wedding, feed guests and god knows what, you need to have a bridezilla moment at this point and MAKE people listen to you!
Don't worry, most brides go through a phase similar to yours. I just got married a month ago, so I can totally relate. It's natural to have "I-want-to-give-up" moments - you'll get through it :)
Outfit: You might be second guessing yourself/your choice. I did that... I loved my outfit when I ordered it in Pakistan and then I took a picture of it once I got back home... the more I looked at the picture, the more uncertain I was about how much I liked it. Finally, my mom took my outfit out and I fell in love all over again. Don't compare what you saw on the other bride - hair, makeup, jewellery all makes a huge difference. Once you get your outfit, you'll probably love it. And if you don't, make sure you accessorize and do hair/makeup well - it'll make up for whatever you don't like.
Family: I agree with what was said above - tell your photographer to be assertive. Family members are less likely to listen to you... they will listen to your photograpehr.. esp if he/she is assertive and insists them to get out of pictures etc that they don't need to be in. If you have reliable friends, ask them to keep an eye out for things like that too... don't ask your siblings, beacuse they'll have enough hosting responsibilities to remember everything. It'll work out!
Flower Girls: The headband is a great idea. Also keep in mind that your flower girls will be holding baskets of flowers so that will set them apart... AND even if there are kids weearing similar colours, they won't be in your pictures. Your photographer knows who to look out for... (s)he won't be taking pictures of kids of your guests... trust me. They have enough of a task to take pictures of the "important" people. Another cute idea to set them apart is if they hold pomander balls - I love them!
I think on the barat/wedding day the parents of the bride are so tense about everything , from the arrangements to guests and the emotional toll the - "sweet sorrow" , that when it comes to the pictures they actually feel bad to be what they think is being" Pushy" i.e staying on stage for more than 2 minutes & 30 secs . Brides should let their parents know how important this day is & all the trouble they went through will be remembered by these photos/videos. Looking MIA thru photos isn't an option.;)
I sometimes will use the help of a "wrangler"- a sister/ cousin/best friend: someone who knows the family & the brides wishes.In our weddings the list of people who must be in a pic could be from 13-33 & more, **so a family member or really close friend who knows who these people are exactly is great. It leaves the bride stress free & ensures ull have **everyone you want in the photos.
Disney Princess you need to take a deep breath! It's only One day, and this day will come and go so quickly you won't even realize it, so there's no point in stressing over it. Leave everything up to Allah and everything will turn out perfect IA. So smile and have fate in Allah that's the most important thing. In the month of Ramadan make Dua that you have a long happy married life! And not worry about your lengha.
Books - I'd be more than happy for you to come along and be the bouncer, lol. On a serious note -My photographer has already told me she will ask nicely and if it works then it will, if not then she will take a tougher approach and get the guests to move. However, my guests are very stubborn, so we shall see what happens. But the tactics you mentioned seem quite good - I'll probably run this past her because everyone just wants to be on the stage for pictures, and if they are stopped, then they'll find it pointless standing there and hopefully move off. :)
MH - I think I need to tell everyone how I want things done and hopefully they'll listen to me. I haven't had quite a bridezilla moment yet where I've shouted at someone - just a load of whinging and whining.
Shaza - Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it's really made me feel so much better. I think you're probably right and I am second guessing everything. My main problem is that I want everyone to be happy and that's probably never going to happen if I want to be happy (sounds selfish, I know).
Majesty - I think I'm going to have to sweet talk one of my aunts to play the bad cop role because my family is just too polite to tell people to move, and my friends are even politer and won't even tell a fly to move, lol.
Anfia - I will make lots of dua iA. Please keep me in your duas also.
