strange relationship

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: strange relationship

he shud respevt u 4 who u r. U cant ask sum1 to change and bcum very talktive, thts just the way it is, and anyway its gud to have b diff 4rm ure partner, opposites attract :)

22

Re: strange relationship

opposites attract, thats wat i have been all ma life and thats wat happened to me too.

23

Re: strange relationship

:cb:

24

Re: strange relationship

^^… haha,… good one…

I recall a Hadith where the Prophet (s.w.s) said if you love some one, let him know…

problem is that you don’t really love him,… yet :hmmm:

25

Re: strange relationship

I think he is in love with u and u r not. Its pretty early to say how u'r relationship will mature, but be patient and try to discover the real person inside him.

Btw in a way its good that he talks about every thing. It means he has nothing to hide. He'll be a good husband. InshaAllah :)

26

Re: strange relationship

amazing EMM :>

27

Re: strange relationship

thats how relationship works.. u have to be opposites :rolleyes:

thats the fun part of it

28

Re: strange relationship

Thanks everyone for your advice, really appreciated :-)
I really dont get frustrated when he ask me anything infact I am very open about everything, I can understand his point of view that he wants me to be more involved in this relationship although I am happy but obviously the way I am makes him curious sometimes, when i met him before engagement I was the same he kept on talking about random stuff and I was just listening to him at tht time he thought probably I am shy or anything, but later on when he asked me over the phone I told him I am like that and he claimed he will change me, but I know myself it wouldnt be so easy for him to change me honestly (bad habbits dont go so early) I feel for his vulnerable situation and sometime think I shouldnt ruin his life and end this relationship.....I mean for how long he would bear all tht ?

29

Re: strange relationship

^^
I don't think u should rush into marriage jus yet - get to kno him first a bit more - u mentioned u've been engaged 4months - so have u set a date yet? mujhe lagta he ke tumhein apne gharwalo seh baat karni chahiyeh - bcos its been 4months and after all like u said he claimed he will change u, but u know it wouldnt be so easy for him to change u - so wat are u doing? don't feel trapped - it is far better for u to speak up now and end relationship if u have to then to carry on, get married n then end up divorcing him bcos of d fact dat u r too totally different personalities... besides if he cares for u, he will respect the fact that u were open and honest and spoke up before u got married... trust me, u need to talk to either your family, his family, him or a 3rd party.... good luck n let us all know how you got on.

30

Re: strange relationship

Thank you very much sweety, I dnt feel trapped honestly but I feel for him, I have spoken to him about tht and he just laughed, he said I shouldnt think about it because he is fine with it as long I am happy with this relationship :-)
date hasnt been set yet but its not any time soon, most probably after I am done with degree

;) Choose A Profession 4 Above Person ;)
31

Re: strange relationship

all i would say is that tell him exactly what u wrote here, if he truly loves u he will understand and except u the way u are

Who do you really want to meet off GS?
32

Re: strange relationship

I have just read this thread and you are right Maher this is a 'strange relationship' - i know i couldnt commit to someone if my fiance didnt fit the folllowing criteria:
1) Good sense of humour and must be on same wavelength as me.
2) Physical Chemistry - we have to be attracted to one another.
3) Independent - own house, good job - and would'nt live with in-laws
4) Similar taste - in at least some of the things i like: music, food, hobbies, ambitions, etc.

I may be asking for a lot but i know that i will really shop around before i commit to someone as marriage is to be taken seriously - i.e. its no point me getting married to someone who cant even speak proper urdu as communication is very important for me - also i have very traditional values and beleifs so i would need to have the same type of match - i know i wouldnt like it if my fiance either talked about his past relationships or asked me such questions as these kind of things always spoil a relationship.

As you said, your relationship is 'strange' - lets hope that you both resolve your differences and can meet half-way, as i know that if i was in your situation i would opt out of the engagement as im very particular about commitment and that - well that's my personal opinion.

33

Re: strange relationship

Maher it seems ur more worried about him, other than tht u dnt hav a problem with commiting to him, Also u hav mentioned tht he sed he likes u the way u are so there shudnt really be a problem. i think if itz still worrying u, mayb u shud talk it over with him again and get a confirmed answer from him, which wont leave u guilty in any sense tht u will ruin his life by marrying him. Alot of ppl on here hav sed tht opposites attract, i think inshAllah it will work out nicely for u, u seem like a luvly girl, caring, understanding and with time i reckon u will open up, ur saying u feel he wont b able to change u, but i think tht will gradually happen anyway u wont even realise tht this transition actually took place and u will feel comfortable with ur new self too. However if tht does not happen n u dnt change it doesnt really matter anyway, coz at the end of the day if u clarify n explain everything to him from the onset he cant really hold it against u later on, so make sure he's happy, coz i think tht's wats bothering u, the fact that he might not b happy after marriage which may ruin thingz. All the best i'm sure thingz wud work out for u both inshAllah ur a mature girl and u will work around it!

34

Re: strange relationship

Maher don't sweat, everything will be okay. If you really in your heart have a feeling that you want to be with this person, everything will be okay. Try getting him to go out to the park with you or something, and then see if you can talk about it with him there. Tell him you're usually quiet like this with most of your family, so becoming more talkative and outgoing is a big change for you. Make sure you let him know your feelings for him at the same time, that your quietness around him doesn't have any bearing on how you feel about him, but try to work with him on it, and see if he can have some patience with you, and work together with you.

Marriage isn't easy, so there are lots of big changes and compromises. I know, I just got married, and there are times when I have to make compromises because now I have to think about someone else, as well other family members involved. I also have times when I don't talk alot, usually because I get tongue tied very easily, and sometimes I'm not good at expressing myself, but everyone has their stumbling blocks. Don't worry, things will turn out okay.

35

Re: strange relationship

Alhamd-al Allah, you two compliment each other if you really like each other except the difference in talking more or talking less.
believe this: people who are in this sad and disappointing illusion that the going to be spouse is or will be exactly like them or even lke them are really missing out on personal growth.
i am not saying one has to be a total opposite, but the very attitude of EXPECTING people to be like you, so that they can get what they want out of you, is a wrong expectation.
if your nature is to be perceptive and quiet and he talks alot, perhaps do more of what both of you like - a skill or a talent such as playing a musical instrument, gardening or book reading, and then it will be easy for you to converse around that.

best,
Dushwari
wish you all the best in your relationship. amen.

36

Re: strange relationship

Thank you ever so much missy-mischive, meena and duhswari, I feel a bit relaxed now, Missy you are right I was more worried about him because I am kind of a person who can try the level best to adjust in any situation and take things in a positive way and he is very hyper and want to get things straight very quickly but I think he is giving me enough time :-)
I hope things will be fine before we start our new journey InshAllah

37

Re: strange relationship

next time he asks you whther u are happy bout this relationship? tell him that i don't talk a lot if this is what makes you u think that. But yeah i am happy (aur smile :) ) i'm sure he'll understand u just need to tell him that

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38

Re: strange relationship

Maher u will b fine and u will b really happy inshAllah, ur the type of girl who wud go out of ur way to make thingz work, giving the relationship 150%. If he’s happy then u dnt spend time stressing abt it go with the flow and u will both learn to live with each other and im sure u’ll hav a pleasant life inshAllah! If ur still worried u shud consider doing the Istikhara to make sure ur step into this relationship will b gud for u both and hav all faith in Allah im sure wateva happenz it will happen for best inshAllah! :phati:

39

Re: strange relationship

Thanks sweety for your duas, I m sure he is very happy and most important thing is his family is very supportive so I hope I wont have to face any problem from their side :slight_smile:

40

Re: strange relationship

Awwwww inshAllah im sure u wont face any problemz, just b urself and b happy! let us know wen the wedding is etc keep us updated! :stuck_out_tongue: :hugz: