Re: stingy in laws
oh hunny be glad she doesn't talk to u...!
Re: stingy in laws
Something very similar happened to me, except unlike in your situation the clothes my saas got for me were bad quality and cheap as well (this was with her son's money). She herself always wears really nice clothes though. I was a bit annoyed and HURT in the beginning, but I realized there is nothing that can be done, so I'm not going to fret it. They are the way they are.
And before anyone starts complaining about how shallow a thread this is, please realize it is NOT the clothes that we care about, it is the THOUGHT and effort behind the gesture, especially if one side clearly went out of their way to ensure the gifts they gave were VERY expensive and nice and the other side did the exact opposite.
My sincere advise, just be happy that your husband is not cheap. And move on. Your inlaws ARE what they ARE and they will always be.
Re: stingy in laws
maybe if u say u like the clothes they wear thats pushing them in the right direction....
Are they stingy, or just different?
Its no secret that the girl's family tends to go overboard in giving gifts, thinking it will heighten their daughter's standing in her in-laws family. They tend to over-gift very often, and then when the same is not reciprocated by the guy's family, they are termed as stingy. That is an incorrect way of handling this.
Our (pakistani) society has a habit of continuously raising the bar on gifts and their values, without thinking what impact it has (or will have) on the opposite party. You give a gift worth 1000, and then expect a gift of equal or higher value from the other side. The cycle goes on, till the bar is raised so high, that one side can't afford to keep up with the Joneses.
Gift giving/receiving should not be done with a mind to give/get a return. If thats your thought process, then you have defeated the purpose of it to begin with. If you are expecting a gift equal in value to what you gave, then it just becomes a meaningless exchange of money or stuff.
Re: stingy in laws
Something about all this leyn-deyn always makes me queasy in the stomach...I just cant stand it.
Re: stingy in laws
my parents gave my husband and his family expensive clothes and alot of other things to my husband. they even gave my MIL a gold item , my parents insisted on buying a small gold set for my MIL which I never let them do. I was not even agreeing on buying any gold item for my MIL. why shd she get anything of gold ? just because she has given birth to a boy !! oh wow !! but it was sooo hard to explain to my parents , they said we are doing it only for u takay tum ko baad main kuch sunna na paray. Well now I tell them that u spend so much of your hard earned money now did that make any difference ? I still hear alot of things.
And for the poster your inlaws are atleast getting your family something , my inlaws didn't get my family anything and I mean nothing at all not even a hanky ! It was not a surprise to me since it's very common over here and in my family and his family. It was customary so I dont blame them. We have this concept of guy's family only take things from girl's family and they are not suppose to give anything or gift in return.
Yes I did got bari and mine was also bought from my husband's money and thats why he went with his mom and tried to get most of my dresses. I can tell u dresses he got for me was pretty but what my MIL got he didn't also like.
Don't worry about such material things like my mom says kay poori zindagi pari hai jo nahi mila khud bana lena and infact I got everything i wanted from my side of family. The clothes u get will max last for 5-6 years , marriage is for life time don't spoil your and your husband's mood and khushi over this issue. I know its hard to ignore but just dont let this take over your shaadi ki khusiyan. :)
she hasnt made a big effort to get to know me, or to make me comfy or to make me feel like a daughter, shes not rude to me, but shes jsut quiet and makes small talk. they are a quiet family by nature anyway, but im new so they should make more of an effort.
You are lucky that u have a quiet MIL , let her be quiet .....it's good for u !! :)
Don't expect so much from your inlaws . If they aren't bothering you by anything then its shd be good enough for u. You are also new to them I think there is hesitation on both sides. Seriously , girls face much worse problem after marriage than what you have written above is not even a problem. If they dont make effort and u so much badly want to get to know them the u can make 1st effort. Otherwise , I dont think u have naything to be worried about , enjoy your marraige life ......:)
Are they stingy, or just different?
Its no secret that the girl's family tends to go overboard in giving gifts, thinking it will heighten their daughter's standing in her in-laws family. They tend to over-gift very often, and then when the same is not reciprocated by the guy's family, they are termed as stingy. That is an incorrect way of handling this.
Our (pakistani) society has a habit of continuously raising the bar on gifts and their values, without thinking what impact it has (or will have) on the opposite party. You give a gift worth 1000, and then expect a gift of equal or higher value from the other side. The cycle goes on, till the bar is raised so high, that one side can't afford to keep up with the Joneses.
Gift giving/receiving should not be done with a mind to give/get a return. If thats your thought process, then you have defeated the purpose of it to begin with. If you are expecting a gift equal in value to what you gave, then it just becomes a meaningless exchange of money or stuff.
I kind of agree.
Don't have all these expectations and you will be happy. Whenever you are giving them something, give it with intentions of receiving nothing.
Re: stingy in laws
you dont like the stuff your in laws gavge you?
welcome to the club!
hun be thankful that your hubby is not like that :)
its all that matters, trust me...
rasms, naigs, new clothes, bari, jewellery, these things dont matter in a marriage in the big picture.
your hubby is all you need. Seriously!
be glad to have him and look forward to the rest of your life :)