Stillborn baby and doing sabar

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I recently gave birth to a stillborn baby at 8 and a half months. My baby was poorly in my womb and had been advised my doctors that baby would not survive and if she did would be disabled in many ways anyhow we kept faith in Allah SWT made lots of Duas to cure my baby and prove the doctors wrong but my baby passed away and was stillborn. Since then I feel so heartbroken and can’t help my self from crying when ever I have a min because I miss her so much my family tell me that me baby will take me and my hubby to paradise if I do sabar which in my opinion I have done I haven’t questioned Allah SWT decision for taking my baby away I just can’t help but cry (not wailing or anything) just tears when ever I remember her. Please could I have views on the actual concept of sabar and me crying does that mean I am not doing sabar? Am I allowed to cry when I miss my baby?

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

:inna:

First things first…crying does not mean that you are not doing sabre. It is impossible for you to be human and not be impacted by such a tragedy. Every person has a different capacity/tolerance. Some of us are able to overcome grief and disappointment sooner than others. Please don’t be harsh on yourself and give yourself ample time to heal.

You didn’t mention how long it’s been but I doubt that the tears will subside for years. So instead of dwelling on whether it’s right or wrong, try to find some duas/dhikrs that you recite when the tears come. This will increase your patience insha Allah and give you strength.

May Allah swt give you peace and courage to deal with your loss, ameen!

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I am not sure where you are, but it would give you a little lift if you can find a support group. M.E.N.D is one in North America, but started by a mother of Christian faith. If you can't find one, and you have strength of your own, then start one. The pain takes a long time to go away, but when you share it with people of similar suffering, the burden goes down a little.

My prayers are with you.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

:inna:

I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. May Allah grant you something that is better and give you and your hubby strength through this difficult time, Ameen!

And, no, crying does not mean you don’t have sabr. Sadness is a raw emotion, just like happiness and anger, they aren’t forbidden. Islam simply teaches us how to navigate through our emotions. Even Prophet Muhammad SAW cried when his baby sons died.

You mentioned that you’re keeping in the back of your mind that your precious baby girl will be a means for you to enter Jannah. Please also don’t forget that any believer suffering harm, be it a prick of a thorn, has sins falling off. So, I’m a little jealous that Allah has placed you in a situation that your baby girl will be pulling you into Jannah and your sins are falling off you like leaves of a tree.

Keep strong! :rose:

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

This love that weeps for your unborn dead child is from Allah. Embrace it, experience it. Ponder over it, and learn from it. It will not last, Allah will bless you with healthier children who you will end up naming and watch them grow older from school to college and beyond. Allah always replaces grief without a doubt. There is no anecdote I have come to across EVER in any historic record where Allah did not replace a believer's grief with comfort and joy.

you'll be OK. Recite Verse 58 from Surah Yaseen in great numbers through out the day. Also, REcite, Al-Fatiha, then 36:58 (odd times), then FAtiha again and blow in water and drink it. It will strengthen you emotionally, and mentally. You will taste the benefit of sabr. Inshallah.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

:inna::hugz:

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Thank you for all your kind words my beautiful baby died 4 weeks ago and I feel so depressed even though I have a very supportive family who look after me so much I feel empty and sad and I know I will inshallah meet my baby in Jannah I still find it hard to cope. I still thank Allah SWT for all he has blessed me with Allahundulillah i just feel I am going crazy with thoughts and regret everything is a constant reminder of my baby and I just wish she was here:( is that a bad thought to have in my mind? Even though I know she is much happier in Jannah is it wrong for me to cry and think what it would have been like if she was alive?

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

nothing you feeling is wrong.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihee Raajioon.

AsSalaamo Alaikum!

It is sad to hear, and cannot imagine the grief you must feel. But take joy in the fact that on the day when we will sacrifice the entire world to save ourselves, your child will hold your hand and plead for you in front of Allah, and InshaAllah lead you to Jannah for your sabr at Allah’s will.

You can read more on this at the link. May Allah bless you with endurance and continued blessing of sabr.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

The same happened to my wife and I. With time, all wounds will heal. Nothing wrong with crying.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Let yourself cry when you feel it. Insan holds emotions and crying in one of them. Please take care of your health and look forward. Allah kay har kam main behtari hoti hia. Prophet Yaqoob (AS) used to cry for his son Prophet Yusuf (AS). nabi kitna sabr karta hoga, jab woh bhi rotay hian to ham to aik mamoli insan hain aur rona ka matlab yeh nahi kay sabr nahi kar rhay. Allah app kay dil ko sakoon dey aur appki mamta ko thand pohanchaye. Ameen

:inna:

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Peace @ChicaGurl,

Inna lillah va inna ilahi raji'ioon. Sorry to hear that. May Almighty Allah make that baby a reason for you both to enter in Jannah. Ameen.

Crying, weeping or shedding tears is due to mercy and not sabar. Sabar is something different and the real sabar is at the first stroke of calamity **as per hadith**], and indeed it has great rewards if Almighty Allah willing to grant. Below is a hadith quoted to explain further about "sabar at first stroke of calamity".

Book 'Funerals (Al-Janaaiz)' of Sahih Bukhari, Hadith No. 388.

Narrated Anas bin Malik: One of the sons of Abu Talha became sick and died and Abu Talha at that time was not at home. When his wife saw that he was dead, she prepared him (washed and shrouded him) and placed him somewhere in the house. When Abu Talha came, he asked, "How is the boy?" She said, "The child is quiet and I hope he is in peace." Abu Talha thought that she had spoken the truth. Abu Talha passed the night and in the morning took a bath and when he intended to go out, she told him that his son had died, Abu Talha offered the (morning) prayer with the Prophet and informed the Prophet of what happened to them. Allah's Apostle said, "May Allah bless you concerning your night. (That is, may Allah bless you with good offspring)." Sufyan said, "One of the Ansar said, 'They (i.e. Abu Talha and his wife) had nine sons and all of them became reciters of the Quran (by heart).' "

There is no harm to cry over baby whenever you miss her but you shouldn't do or say something except what pleases Almighty Allah. As Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur'an: "For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship]. And to your Lord direct [your] longing." [Chapter 94 Verses 5-8].

We know it is a very difficult and hard time on you but we all must have faith and keep asking from Almighty Allah to bestow upon us what is best for us in this life and hereafter.

Almighty Allah knows best.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

May Allah give you sabr. May you be blessed with more babies. Cry... it helps. Time will heal all your pain inshaAllah. Write about your pain, blog it etc.

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Stillborn baby and doing sabar

This just made me feel so sad i cannot imagine how you are feeling the loss of a child is just awful, may Allah swt give you strength but please dont feel upset if you need to cry, it doesnt make u a weak person. Inshallah your baby is happy in Jannah and you willmeet her again. I pray Allah swt blesses you with a child but please dont worry and feel bad if you want to cry then cry xxxx

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Assalamualaikum
Inna lil lahi wa inna alaihi raje'ion

May Allah grant you sabr and bless you with many righteous kids Ameen

Keep on reciting dua of umm e salma and
Inna lil lahi wa inna alaihi raje'ion because Allah says in Quran
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return."*(156)*Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.(157) surah al baqarah

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

I am sorry for your loss.

There is nothing wrong in crying and crying does not mean that you are not doing sabar. You have lost a part of you whom you kept inside your body for so long, how will you not cry on this ? it’s very natural.

Recite this dua as often as you can:

May Allah talah give you sabar and bless you in countless ways Ameen !

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

Jazakallah for all your kind words and support. Firstly when I found out my beautiful baby had passed I didn't read the Dua I was just filled with complete heartache and only after I read it when I realised. I am hopeful that inshallah one day I will meet my baby but can't help think that I have lost that chance by not doing and saying what I should have to please Allah SWT also I vaguely remember having regret in my mind when my baby was diagnosed with hydrops not intentionally questioning Allah SWT decision but Thinking is it something iv done wrong or my husband? I think my emotions got the better of me I know now that Allah SWT does know. Best for everyone and I cry everyday because I feel empty inside but also ask for Allah SWT to keep showering me with his blessing with the hope that I will meet my baby inshallah.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

May allah bless you with children.

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Re: Stillborn baby and doing sabar

may Allah grant you sabar ameen

just remember when Allah loves His slave, He tests him...

so this may be test from Allah subhan wa ta'lla...i have a firm yakeen that the purpose of every trial and calamities of this world is just to bring you close to Allah Pak..may Allah bring you closer to RAB by this trial ameen