An acquaintance of mine has had three engagements and broken all of them off after talking to the guys for awhile. Two of them she spoke with for a couple of months, and one of them only for a very short time. Her reasons for breaking off the “engagement/mangni” was that she felt there was not enough compatibility. I dont know the guys side of the story, but I do know that neither side was pleased with her decision. (Meaning her parents nor the guys parents.)
Is there a social stigma attached to individuals that do this, when its an “arranged/introduced” setting? Breaking off one, two then a third engagement may be seen as either instability or lack of wanting to compromise.
Is the solution to this to not get engaged and just talk to the guy over the phone, etc. I know A LOT of parents that are very traditional and will not let a girl talk to a rishta without her being mangnified.
What is the solution to this if any? Does a guy or girl who repeatedly does this get a bad reputation? Is it better to go with a marriage out of feeling pressured that you have broken off one too many engagements?
What is an engagement anyways? I won’t mind (if munni doesn’t) if Mullahs wanna discuss religion here…
Is it an official contract or celebration that you can talk to my daughter. How is an engagement any different from a girl going out and talking to strangers. Whats this BS-cover-up tradition promoted by parents anyways
Yup 3 broken engagements does tell me something…Not anything about the girl or the guy but it tells me how insecure poor parents are..
In this case, I agree with the Islamic perspective, which I believe is to get to know the person before engagement/nikkah. In fact, I recall someone saying that engagements are discouraged...probably for this reason. People begin to talk when you break off an engagement, and mangni pressurizes you into accepting a relationship you dont even want.
That's something very serious. "It's just an engagement" is what's said by people if a person is a little hesitant in getting into it. However, the after effects are tremendous. Parents shouldn't rush into things. What I've seen around me is...that parents who are relatively new to this rishta stuff for their first son/daughter, usually end up making hasty decisions.
I, too, believe that 2 people who are to marry, should get to know each other a little before they get engaged/nikah'ed. That's the best time to see how compatible they are.
It's very easy for others to exaggerate things, give bad names to the girl, hence giving her a bad reputation. However, they should keep in mind, that the person who makes such an extreme decision isn't doing it happily. They should put themselves in the position to see what hell the person goes through when something like that happens. These things really throw a person off about the whole concept of marriage. It's just really sad.
1) making a hasty decision is idiotic. People should have an understanding of what the engagement is about. If you are not willing to commit dont agree on an engagement.
2) if youa re engaged and then you realize that this is not goignt o work out, better end it rather than be stuck in something you dont want to be a part of. But realize whether you have a legitimate reason.
3) #2 also applies to marriage.
No situation requires you to stick it out, if it is not what you expected well you can never be 100% sure of what you will get. people have to be flexible and adapt, because we as people evolve and "change" anyways. would you call off your wedding to the love of your life because the person's views, interests etc have changed?
If the parents are forcing their girl/boy into getting into an agreement which the girl/boy is not sure about then the parents are jackasses.
If someone gets engaged of his/her own free will and keeps breaking things off, either this person does not know what he/she wants, or is a bad judge of character, or has really bad luck, or is unable to adapt.
In our culture, about the only difference an engagement makes is that announcement of an engagement will mean that any more guys (or their parents) should not propose for the girl.
Someone wants to bring in Islamic reference and I will be interested too, bcz my understanding is that Islam allows a girl and guy to meet and talk and evaluate each other before marriage. The only caviat is that they should be serious about marrying each other, otherwise it will be a return to the concept of girlfriend-boyfriend.
Engagement merely reinforces that condition, that the girl and the guy are serious about marriage and so they should be allowed to meet and talk. If they break off an engagement, nothing wrong with that. It just means that the system is working. They got engaged, talked to each other and decided they are not going to work out. Better do it before marriage rather than either live a life of misery or go through expensive and emotionally draining divorce.
If a girl has broken off her engagements a number of times, about the only issue someone may have is the perception that she is picky, and headstrong and will not take BS from her beau. Some guys, who are inherently insecure about themselves, but are otherwise ok, might be apprehensive to even approach such a girl, for fear of rejection. Good riddance, I say. :)
