In desi society, it is generally believed that step-mothers are cruel and “zalim samaj” and would ruin the life of the kids. For that reason a lot of people don’t marry again to avoid marrying again for the sake of their kids no matter how badly they want to marry for one reason or another. Is that concept true and if yes then why a woman would turn so much against so lovely creatures like kids?
Why step mother’s behaviour toward me by the moderator of this forum by closing my thread “I don’t know who to ask”](http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/Forum46/HTML/000007.html). I think there are some other threads which have the same “Under 18” content as my thread so why such a special treatment just only for me.
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Originally posted by khan_sahib:
*In desi society, it is generally believed that step-mothers are cruel and "zalim samaj" and would ruin the life of the kids. For that reason a lot of people don't marry again to avoid marrying again for the sake of their kids no matter how badly they want to marry for one reason or another. Is that concept true and if yes then why a woman would turn so much against so lovely creatures like kids?
*
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But the concept of step mother, and associated apprehensions, is true anywhere. You are saying that given a situation why would a mother favor her own kids vs. step kids? Though, normally this is not a situation but human nature, especially mother's, is very keen on protecting what is recognized as one's own blood.
Since, our culture, should I say: the asiatic culture, has a higher regard to safeguard one's own family there is lesser emphasis on marrying again if one already has children. If I were to be in that position (kudana-khuawsta), I would certainly entertain the thought but I can't see myself taking the step. My primary thought is and would be to safeguard the kids from potential situaitons like you described. May not happend but what if....? What's the guarantee it won't?
As a grown up it would be easier for me to live alone then run the risk of potentially damaging the kids well-being. In my mind, they would be punished for not having a mother.
Khan Sahib,
Your question had its answer. Further discussion did not fit into this forum. Besides, we do not require that all discussions HAVE to have an under 18 content.
Please keep this discussion in line with this topic. Thank you
While I will concede at the outset that I may be wrong, but I feel that the role of step-mother is highly stereo-typed. This is not limited to desi society, but every where. They need a villain and the step-mother fits the bill very well.
From childhood stories like Cinderella to our movies and dramas, the step-mother is rarely shown in a good light. And, unfortunate as it may seem, the stereo-type has caught on with the imagination of the people. There are good people and their are bad people. Their are intelligent people and theie are stupid ppl. Step-parents are no exception.
Unless a person is inherently screwed up, I am sure they will give it their best shot. I have seen step-mothers who have developed great relationship with their step-children, and there are real mothers who have highly antagonistic relationships with their own kids. It depends on people, the real people.
An intelligent considerate step-mother will avoid a situation where she has to decide between her real child and her step-child. If at all, they will try to favor the step-child, because they are missing a real parent and need more consideration. A thing to remember is that, unless a child is very young, they will never allow anyone to replace their real mother/father so trying is futile. The best you should hope for is a good friendly relationship where there is a balance. Needless to add, that in such cases the role of the father or the real parent is very much enhanced.
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Originally posted by shahreen:
*...probably because I'm scared of the answer. *
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I feel your concern...
You have been lucky, I'd say. I have a cousin who divorced and remarried. The first wife gave up the daugther so she could live with her dad. That poor girl, now almost 18 yrs, hasn't known happy times nor normal family/members. I have a hard time believing that when push comes to shove a "mother" will not differentiate between her own kids and those not hers. But if life is going by normally, usually, these situations do not arise. I am still leaning towards what I said and also based on what I have had the chance to experience.
Thank you for sharing your inner-most feelings. Accounts like yours' provide much-needed credibility and reality to discussion threads.
I am curious to know why there is a need inside you to enquire about whom your Dad loved most? Why do you feel that you need to know the answer to this?
Could it possibly be because you want to be, loved more, even if it is indirectly, than your half-siblings?
