Got a question here!
Wha’rya always think of the stepmothers?
Re: Step Moms
it always reminds me of cinderella's step mom
but i have also seen some nice caring step moms but the first thing tht comes to mind is cinderella
Re: Step Moms
mean, cruel, scary, no heart
one of my mamo remarried and she was terrible to my cousins but she was realllllllllly motherly towards her own blood...she tried her best to ruin my cousins lives and she was kinda successful at that.
Re: Step Moms
My grandad remarried and my step daadi wasn't a nice person.
She was nasty to my mum I will never forgive her for that.
Re: Step Moms
Well, I don't know if I should write this down here but the truth is that my mother passed away 7 years ago and I have a step mother now and this whole step mother and step daughter relationship stuff is not at all easy to cope up with. I miss my mother so much.
Re: Step Moms
In my opinion:
There is a very natural moment when a baby is born that makes mother and child bond. There is nothing like this bond.. and most of it is brought on by the chemicals in the mother's body at the time of birth.. and lactating the baby straight away..
When a woman meets a child much later than this stage and takes on a mother figure to the child, there is that natural bond that doesn't occur. Instead it is a concious will to be motherly towards that child and it doesn't always work out. The older the child is, the less accepting they will be of this stranger assuming a mother's role with them.
Re: Step Moms
Well, I don't know if I should write this down here but the truth is that my mother passed away 7 years ago and I have a step mother now and this whole step mother and step daughter relationship stuff is not at all easy to cope up with. I miss my mother so much.
May Allah SWT bless your mother with jannat-ul-firdous, and make things easier for you, Amin :)
Re: Step Moms
I do think step moms have a bad reputation but it’s not easy for anyone to bond with a child who isn’t ready accept some other women as their mother. Also some step moms aren’t ready to take care of someone else’s responsibilities and find step children and burden. But there are some caring step moms for a fact.
Re: Step Moms
May Allah SWT bless your mother with jannat-ul-firdous, and make things easier for you, Amin :)
Thanks a lot :)
Re: Step Moms
In my opinion:
The older the child is, the less accepting they will be of this stranger assuming a mother's role with them.
Absolutely. And I know that's the reason behind my shaking relationship with my step mother. But I want to add that not only the child is less accepting but the step parent is also not really accepting at this stage because the age in which two people can bond and become friends is gone. I believe that if I were a little younger when my father remarried, I would have been closer to my step mother. I have seen my mother and I clearly remember her so I continously compare my step mother with my own mother which is not right because they are two different people and can never be alike but it is also natural. Nobody can take a mother's place.
Re: Step Moms
they really rnt ur momz..
Re: Step Moms
its hard to even define. I dont have any first hand experience or even observation in this regard, but the few above posts make me feel they are bad :( i guess its out and out with one's temperament and nature. If they are good, they will remain good being a real or a step mom.
Re: Step Moms
i think the expectation that your father's second wife will ever be a mom to you is misplaced. i dont think anyone can take the place of your mom or love you like your mom loves you, and i dont think it should be expected either. it just seems to lead to trauma for the kids and the new parent. if anything, it should be a relationship like that between a kid and a respected aunt or older cousin. "mom" is misleading.
Re: Step Moms
I guess it is natural for one to love his/her own children more than other. It would be wrong for me to say that all stepmoms are nice because I have seen few cases where they were not but it would also be wrong to assume that all stepmoms are like that (i.e. bad, not nice towards others etc). Every person, regardless of who he/she is, should practice what they preach and follow Quran & Sunnah in his/her life.
The problem arises not because we have differences but rather because we fail to practice Islam and hence, forget to tolerate others. I have read of many incidents where Prophet 
did not like a certain habit in a person but instead of yelling at that person, he would remain calm for awhile though it was apparent from his face that he was not happy. I myself sometimes do this and hence, this message is also for myself. Having said this, the stepparents as well as stepchildren should learn to tolerate each other. No doubt that stepparent do not have the same status in children’s heart as the real parent would but that does not mean that he/she is not your mother or father.
Another problem I see in our society is that we think it is wrong for a father or mother to marry again. We think that it is ok for children to do what they want in their teenhood and not right for parents to do the same when they are in need of it. Like for example, we would have no problem with a boy or a girl marrying again if they had divorce from previous spouse but we have a problem if an elder person was to do the same, even though his/her spouse died a natural death. And the marriage is not always for intercourse, sometimes a person just needs a companion to spend his/her time with. If Allah the Almighty, the Lord of heaven and earth, the Creator, does not have a problem with that, why should we? If it was haram for a parent to marry again after a certain age, Allah would have made it clear. Islam is not as complicated as we make it.
Re: Step Moms
Stepmoms can be good bad. My cousin remarried and it seems his wife is good with his son. But my cousin is also nice to her son from previous marraige. Of course there's little things, but i guess its natural to love your own blood more. But the person can at least try to respect the other children and try to be equal when possible.
Then I know of this other family near where I live. This lady/stepmom basically ruined this family's life. She broke up a happy home where there are about 3-4 kids, who are all teens. She was sister of the guys babhi(brother's wife). She flirted and somehow got him to fall for her, while he was married and he divorced hsi wife. Now the children, im sure out of tension are rebelling big time. The son is in and out of trouble in school and outside. The 1 daughter was running around late night, and eventually ran away with a guy...and some other stuff. We have to remember & fear Allah always, should try not to have evil intentions. The lady would always cunningly lie to her husband about how kids did bathmeezi etc....
and whats funny is i think the uncle mentions now how much he regrets his re-marriage to her.
Re: Step Moms
Another problem I see in our society is that we think it is wrong for a father or mother to marry again. We think that it is ok for children to do what they want in their teenhood and not right for parents to do the same when they are in need of it. Like for example, we would have no problem with a boy or a girl marrying again if they had divorce from previous spouse but we have a problem if an elder person was to do the same, even though his/her spouse died a natural death. And the marriage is not always for intercourse, sometimes a person just needs a companion to spend his/her time with. If Allah the Almighty, the Lord of heaven and earth, the Creator, does not have a problem with that, why should we? If it was haram for a parent to marry again after a certain age, Allah would have made it clear. Islam is not as complicated as we make it.
Remarriage itself may not be haram but there are many complicated factors at it other than just being "allowed"...
a man and woman are together for 30-40 years, they have children, grandchildren, they ahd a happy life... but one of them dies..u think it's that easy for them to even entertain the thot of re-marriage? And not to generalize, but i do think it'd be much harder for a woman to re-marry, not socially but emotionally, knowing that what she shared with her husband... I know men must grieve in their own way, but i've heard of cases where men remarried less than a year after their wife died..how fair is that to their children and her memory??
So yes, just b/c it's allowed, and that men have no iddat period like women do, doesn't mean that he should go and re-marry within months just b/c they're "lonely" or, less likely, that she'll get married in a year....it's like polygamy, in the sense that it's allowed, it's there, but it doesnt mean one has to actually implement it in their life if they choose not to..if they do, they have to think 100 times before taking any step b/c everybody is affected...
Re: Step Moms
^ Yes and I agree to some extent. But that nevertheless does not make it haram. The point in my post was different. I did not say that everyone HAS to do it. I just said that it is not fair if we can marry again and again but yet, when an elder feels the need to do it, we think it's bad. Every person will decide if there is the need to marry again or not (and not children or society) so yes, it depends on the person if he/she wants to marry again or not, be it after 6 months, or 1 year or 2 years.
The feeling to love one's own is natural and I have not seen a person in my life who doesn't have that feeling. Allah is aware of that. Had He not been aware of our condition, he would've stated it clearly that it's haram. We should not burden ourselves adn think it is not allowed. It is allowed, but it will depend on the person if he/she wants to marry again or not.