Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
Yes I’m married. Funny you ask b/c I’m actually going through a similar (though not identical) situation. Hubby and I both work full-time but he earns significantly more than I do. Also, we plan for me to become a SAHM once kids enter the pic.
I’ve worked since I was 15 and always had access to my income to spend as I choose. Ever since I’ve been living with him, he has always paid all household bills. I usually have one of his CCs and put all grocery shopping in that (his idea). Like my mom, I always put the receipt in the kitchen counter and I know hubby looks through it…but he has never questioned me on my spending (note: at times I do buy my personal stuff at the grocery store and charge it on his CC). We’re currently in the process setting up our finances so ALL my income will go towards retirement. Which will make me completely dependant on him for ALL my spending. We’re talking about either getting me my own CC on his account so I can spend from that (ie. my beauty expenses, hanging out with my friends etc) OR him giving me a set amount every month for me to spend as I please. I have about 2 more years left on my car payment but hubby has offered to pay it off totally by this summer before we start our “new system”.
For what its worth…I think the attitude thoughts of both people make a big difference. Before, I used to buy what I wanted without talking to ANYONE about it. These days, I almost never go to the mall without hubby. Thus, ANY clothing, shoes, purse etc. I purchase ends up being a joint decision. There are times I want to buy something but hubby says I shouldn’t b/c it’s too much or not worth the money. But then again, hubby also knows when I really fall in love with something, and those times, he’ll support me and not give me a hard time about buying it (often he’ll offer to pay for it). Same goes for him…he also doesn’t buy items for himself without discussing it with me first.
But at the end, BOTH of us are very well aware of how much money is coming in…and what OUR financial goals are for the future. And we always keep that in mind no matter what we’re buying. We both look at money as “ours” since having it or the lack of it will effect both of us. I think whether or not SAHW or SAHM feel guilty depends on the husband’s attitude. While the wives should spend wisely and within means…the husband’s should also realize that those wives have some “fun wants” that should be fulfilled now and then too. It’s all about compromise and balance on both sides.
I’ve said it many time before…there is not “I” and “him” in marriage. It should always be “us”. My husband can afford to go buy many things he wants b/c he earns that money. But he still discusses it with me before he purchases his “wants”. That makes me feel respected as his partner. This attitude of HIS makes a big difference in how I feel about our finances. I also discuss my “wants” with him and don’t feel guilty when he’s on with me buying something I don’t “need”…b/c he doesn’t make me feel guilty. 
Ok now I’m rambling…lol. But I hope this made sense.