To the Stay at Home Wives and Mothers without a regular income of their own, how do you purchase the following items? Would you ask your working husband for the money? Use your own birthday/Eidi money? Use your child’s birthday/Eidi Money?
Or do you get a weekly allowance?
Expenses:
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
Just like ishq na pochey zaat waat,
CC/Debit cards na pochey “thora spend ker loon” sartaaj
PS: begum is full time housewife right now (other than her craze for volunteering 
) and no she does not have to ask before spending money unless its a big ticket item then off course we both consult.
PS2: To make shopping look like “family shopping” she buy me a tie when she go out to buy herself 2..3..4..5…6… suites 
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Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
mods please, delete and burn this post 
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
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Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
What if you have access to everything and you work as a FAMILY not as a its yours or mine.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
I know what you mean and it's a legitimate question. It's difficult when you're a stay at home wife to know where your boundaries are in spending- especially if you're a newlywed. I'm used to having my own money that I earned and now I don't- and I feel guilty taking money from my husband for things that are just for me.
Also for the gift issue- his birthday recently passed and I didn't get him anything because I thought it would be silly to buy him something with his own money- he could just buy whatever he wanted himself in that case instead of me trying to guess what he would like
As for how do I get money to spend on the home, groceries, etc.. it has to come from him- I don't have a choice (and before people start saying why don't I get a job- I can't work in the country where we live)
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
I know what you mean and it's a legitimate question. It's difficult when you're a stay at home wife to know where your boundaries are in spending- especially if you're a newlywed. I'm used to having my own money that I earned and now I don't- and I feel guilty taking money from my husband for things that are just for me.
Also for the gift issue- his birthday recently passed and I didn't get him anything because I thought it would be silly to buy him something with his own money- he could just buy whatever he wanted himself in that case instead of me trying to guess what he would like
As for how do I get money to spend on the home, groceries, etc.. it has to come from him- I don't have a choice (and before people start saying why don't I get a job- I can't work in the country where we live)
Well we were in a situation for some time i.e when my wife was not authorized to work in US but our money dynamics were same then as its now (when she can work and has worked for some years). Its the duty of SO to support wife in such case and make her know that whatever he is earning is 'OUR' money and not 'HIS money'.
My wife also has such thoughts (its HIS money etc) in the beginning. Even before marriage, she never asked for pocket money form her parents (other than education fees etc). She taught kids since she was in grade 8 herself to earn herself pocket money. To be true, initially I did not think about it but couple of discussion made me realize that she should have sense of financial freedom too. Opening a joint account and one on her name, getting her credit/debit cards etc really helped. Another thing that helped is that she took on the role of home accountant. Paying bills and doing any day to day banking was her responsibility.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
^ that's nice. What about if your wife was a shopaholic and loved to buy a lot of things for herself (shoes, bags, clothes, etc)? Would you mind?
And for shopaholics that became Stay at Home Wives, did you limit your spending? Or is it the same as before?
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
^ that's nice. What about if your wife was a shopaholic and loved to buy a lot of things for herself (shoes, bags, clothes, etc)? Would you mind?
And for shopaholics that became Stay at Home Wives, did you limit your spending? Or is it the same as before?
She had her days.
She was shopaholic in early 3-4 years of our marriage. She was obsessed with artificial jewelry and purses (not so much with cloths thanks god :D ) . I did not mind it as alhamdullah as I was making enough to fulfill her needs and desires. On the other hand, once we decided that its time to get settled, start a family and buy a house, it was again her who saved, saved and saved just to leave me in shock-and-awe state :)
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
To the Stay at Home Wives and Mothers without a regular income of their own, how do you purchase the following items? Would you ask your working husband for the money? Use your own birthday/Eidi money? Use your child's birthday/Eidi Money?
Or do you get a weekly allowance?
Expenses:
My mom has been a housewife for about 15 years. She has access to money in their joint accounts, and also has credit cards in her name (again joint account w/ my dad), and does not need "permission" to spend it. Whenever she goes grocery shopping or purchases other stuff for the house, she always gives the receipt to my dad so he knows where the money is going. She also keeps her personal spending reasonable and discusses any major purchases with my dad. As for gifts....I've always seen them discuss how much to spend on gifts regardless of who the gift is for (her family or his).
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
^yeah that is nice decent6. but what if your wife has debts (school, etc) that she was paying off with her own money before the marriage and now she doesn’t have the money to make the payments? how would husbands feel about that? (i can say that mine makes me feel guilty for it 
)
afshi, i am a shopaholic also and it is hard to limit yourself when you’re used to getting what you want for yourself, but yeah i think you have to limit it unless your husband is extremely wealthy and ok with spending
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
Paheli - my point wasn't getting "permission", but simply asking (maybe I should have used the term telling) the husband that she needs money.
I've been working for so long, and love the fact that I make my own money and can spend it any way I want without feeling too guilty. I'm wondering if I ever do become a SAHW, how it would be. I probably would feel guilty to spending hubby's money on things that I don't neccessarily need - like a new bag (when I have dozens already).
I've seen Mums who would use their children's gift money on items for their children. Would you moms save this money for their own future use, or spend it as well on their needs and wants?
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
**Paheli - my point wasn't getting "permission", but simply asking (maybe I should have used the term telling) the husband that she needs money.
**I've seen Mums who would use their children's gift money on items for their children. Would you moms save this money for their own future use, or spend it as well on their needs and wants?
My apologies....perhaps it wasn't the best choice of words. But just to clarify.....my mom does not ask my dad before she spends money on groceries or other random household expenses. But by giving him the receipts, she always makes him aware of where the money is going. :)
My parents NEVER used our gift money to purchase anything for us (ie. any of our "needs"). My dad had separate bank accounts for us evern since we were babies and put all gift money in our name separately. And we were always told that since that's money given to US....we could spend it any way we like (ie. if we wanted to buy something on our own and parents didn't want to pay for it, we were free to spend our gift money on it). But my parents never used our gift money for any of our "needs" (ie. food, clothing etc.).
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
are u married paheli? what would you do if u were in a similar situation?
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
are u married paheli? what would you do if u were in a similar situation?
Yes I'm married. Funny you ask b/c I'm actually going through a similar (though not identical) situation. Hubby and I both work full-time but he earns significantly more than I do. Also, we plan for me to become a SAHM once kids enter the pic.
I've worked since I was 15 and always had access to my income to spend as I choose. Ever since I've been living with him, he has always paid all household bills. I usually have one of his CCs and put all grocery shopping in that (his idea). Like my mom, I always put the receipt in the kitchen counter and I know hubby looks through it.....but he has never questioned me on my spending (note: at times I do buy my personal stuff at the grocery store and charge it on his CC). We're currently in the process setting up our finances so ALL my income will go towards retirement. Which will make me completely dependant on him for ALL my spending. We're talking about either getting me my own CC on his account so I can spend from that (ie. my beauty expenses, hanging out with my friends etc) OR him giving me a set amount every month for me to spend as I please. I have about 2 more years left on my car payment but hubby has offered to pay it off totally by this summer before we start our "new system".
For what its worth....I think the attitude thoughts of both people make a big difference. Before, I used to buy what I wanted without talking to ANYONE about it. These days, I almost never go to the mall without hubby. Thus, ANY clothing, shoes, purse etc. I purchase ends up being a joint decision. There are times I want to buy something but hubby says I shouldn't b/c it's too much or not worth the money. But then again, hubby also knows when I really fall in love with something, and those times, he'll support me and not give me a hard time about buying it (often he'll offer to pay for it). Same goes for him.....he also doesn't buy items for himself without discussing it with me first.
But at the end, BOTH of us are very well aware of how much money is coming in....and what OUR financial goals are for the future. And we always keep that in mind no matter what we're buying. We both look at money as "ours" since having it or the lack of it will effect both of us. I think whether or not SAHW or SAHM feel guilty depends on the husband's attitude. While the wives should spend wisely and within means.....the husband's should also realize that those wives have some "fun wants" that should be fulfilled now and then too. It's all about compromise and balance on both sides.
I've said it many time before.....there is not "I" and "him" in marriage. It should always be "us". My husband can afford to go buy many things he wants b/c he earns that money. But he still discusses it with me before he purchases his "wants". That makes me feel respected as his partner. This attitude of HIS makes a big difference in how I feel about our finances. I also discuss my "wants" with him and don't feel guilty when he's on with me buying something I don't "need".......b/c he doesn't make me feel guilty. :)
Ok now I'm rambling....lol. But I hope this made sense.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
I work for my husband’s company (no joke) 
so with the salary I get on monthly basis I spend on myself, kids, house and groceries.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
you're lucky Paheli- can you come talk to my husband?? :p
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
Thank you. 
Yes, I’m quite lucky when it comes to my husband. While he’s certainly not perfect…many of his values/beliefs make my life relatively easy compared to other stories I hear. My MIL has always been a SAHW so hubby gets his view regarding money by watching his parents. My MIL also has full access to money and never asks FIL before spending (and believe me…my MIL is a true shopoholic!). Even hubby says he’s glad I don’t shop like her! :halo:
Ha…yes, I’d love to knock some commom sense into your husband! 
I read your 1st post about not buying him a bday gift and felt bad for HIM…then I read the other post about him making you feel guilty for the debts and wanted to 
him!
If you don’t mind me asking…did he know about your debt BEFORE marriage? If so, then I don’t understand what logic he uses to make you feel guilty?! 
Since you mentioned you can’t work in the country you’re in…and I’m assuming you moved to that country after marriage b/c of him.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
well I accepted her (and she accepted me) with all the surpluses and deficits (including monitory ones) so there is no point going round and round on some issue. One can not expect wife to be SAHW and still full-fill her financial commitments. My wife did not have any school loan etc but she had couple of commitments that I had no problem in honoring.
Re: Stay at Home Wives/Mothers and Spending Money
yes you are indeed my husband’s parents have the same dynamic as your in-laws (and my mil is also a shopaholic), so i don’t know where his behavior is coming from
he did know about all of my debts waaayyy before the wedding- and way before we got engaged for that matter.. he used to tell me not to worry about it, but now i feel he is harboring some mass resentment toward me for making my payments
yes i did move far far away from my family and job for him also- which i get zero acknowledgement for
i need help 
