I remember there used to be two twins in my class in secondary school and they were big time troublemakers. They used to do things like stick pictures of naked men all over the blackboard and no one would speak up and tell who did it because everyone was afraid of them.
One day, my friends and I were discussing their behaviour and one girl said “I feel sorry for them. Their parents are divorced and their mother doesn’t even care. I can understand why they are the way they are.”
I agreed with it back then but now I don’t when I see grown-ups taking their ghussa out on someone completely oblivious to the “situation”. If you’re having a bad day/life, why should someone else have to put up with the bitterness? Do you think someone’s harsh attitude is justified if they’re going through a tough time in life?
Adults are better able to discern right from wrong...and so I wouldn't use the "tough time" as a justification....but I think that it can provide an understanding of the root-cause behind the offensive behavior. And maybe if that root cause is brought up and confronted...it can sometimes alleviate the problem. It can also (sometimes) bring about a bit of compassion/tolerance....doesn't mean that one should indefinitely put up with the behavior nor that it shouldn't be addressed. I also think that an understanding of the root cause...gives us sort of a lesson to reflect over.
Those twin girls....they may have known deep down that their behavior was wrong....but maybe they did it (and I'm not saying it's justified) as a means of getting attention. Sometimes kids who are lacking positive attention at home will even settle for negative attention. Again, not saying that it's a justification for their ill-behaivor....but an understanding of the root cause can help someone approach the matter in a different (possibly even more effective way)...and it makes you reflect over the importance of things like parental involvement and home environment and how these things can impact one's self-concept, perception, and actions.
Also, people can pick up if you feel "sorry" for them. And sometimes that "feeling sorry" is done in a way that isn't offensive...and other times it can even carry an undernote of "contempt" that can show up in body languange/comments....and do more harm. Most people like being understood and not pitied. And understanding doesn't necessarily mean justification of actions or that one should be "off the hook". Of course...needless to say it depends on the situation...not everything is so black and white.
for children things work at a different level..attention deprived kids seek attention by doing all sorts of weird things just to get noticed - bullying is an example here.
for adults the level is different in a way that the venting occurs not by physical harm/abuse necessarily but verbally being spiteful or maybe getting it all out on little objects.
it’s *never *justified but this is just a self-defense sort of a system of such people who don’t want the world to know their weaknesses or their troubles and they cover up by either assuming a domineering, spiteful role or by just being an anti-social ‘saryal’ personality !
and like RV said it all depends on the situation…everything isn’t black or white there’s a whole spectrum of grey in bw.
and we all have heard of tales of the husband who boxed out his entire ghussa of his boss’s *‘beizzati’ *by screaming at his wife
OR a wife getting it all out on her kids after she has been scolded by her MIL or hubby :halo:
Big boss yells at lower boss, lower boss takes it out on employee, employee takes it out on wife, wife takes it out on her students (she’s a teacher), one of the kids takes it out on HER parents who happens to be the big boss.
Big boss yells at lower boss, lower boss takes it out on employee, employee takes it out on wife, wife takes it out on her students (she's a teacher), one of the kids takes it out on HER parents who happens to be the big boss.
and no one would speak up and tell who did it because everyone was afraid of them.