Staring problem

arabiannights · December 19, 2012, 5:37pm

Re: Staring problem

Hehe mentally undressed by women is a bad thing for men?

tamur · December 19, 2012, 5:44pm

Re: Staring problem

YEAH of course all these hungry eyed girls just watching me lol... just kiddin

arabiannights · December 19, 2012, 9:05pm

Re: Staring problem

hehe i feel sorry for you

tamur · December 19, 2012, 9:19pm

Re: Staring problem

so you should next time you look at a guy know how we feel. so tahcheen arabi?

arabiannights · December 19, 2012, 9:20pm

Re: Staring problem

daban!

tamur · December 19, 2012, 9:33pm

Re: Staring problem

thats good :) wanta chat?

CAorMBA · December 19, 2012, 9:34pm

madz124:9241219:

Hi folks,

So as you are aware, a lot of people in Pakistan have a staring problem. It’s not just the mushtanda-type boys/men on street corners, but also regular uncles and aunties and even girls your age sometimes. I am not sure why that is. When I go to a bazaar in Pakistan, I feel like the majority of people are staring at me and I get very self-conscious.
My last visit was six years ago and I remember going to the plaza with my aunt. We were all wearing casual everyday shalwar kameez…nothing too flashy or attention-grabbing (I don’t wear very fitted or revealing clothes). Yet guys would whistle or sing dirty songs. And ‘aunties’ in the shop would give me a dirty glance as a result. The shopkeeper asked me if I was from abroad. I was very surprised because I wasn’t doing any haggling or even talking much. I later asked my khala how he figured that out and she said it’s because other people are used to the ‘mahool’ and go about their business as usual. You were holding onto your dupatta for dear life. Maybe that’s how they figured you’re not from here. I don’t know.

So anyhow, I am going to Pakistan soon (very excited! :)) and would like to know what’s the dress code these days, or what can I do to blend in. I am planning to do some shopping in Lahore.

Girls stare bcz they want to see new designs and dresses(60%) and bcz of jealousy that y other gal is looking great(40%)

For boys, gals r alien species I.e. E.T

CAorMBA · December 19, 2012, 9:38pm

madz124:9337410:

Hey guys,

So I am in Pakistan and thought I’d share the joy lol

Incident #1) Fortress, Lahore: I went with my khala, khalu, their kids, and my sis. All the ladies were wearing shawls. My sis and I were trying to grab our little cousins’ attention. So my sis says to my cousin “I like you.” I grabbed his arm (he is 5) and said, “I lovee you.” There was this group of guys sitting outside. One of them goes, “But I love you moreeeeee” and then they all laughed.

Incident #2) Bazaar, Sialkot: I was with my dad who was walking behind me. This riksha wala had parked his riksha and was sitting inside like a frog. When I walked past him, he goes “Mashallah”. Again, my head was covered and I was wearing a fairly over-sized sweater…no makeup.

Incident #3) Bazaar, Sialkot: My sis and I were trying to keep up with my khala and mom who were walking ahead. And if you’re familiar with sialkot crowd, it’s riksha/motorbikes/pedestrians all crammed into tiny streets and lots and lots of pollution. Anyways, so three guys were coming from the front, arms locked…one of them purposely hit me on my arm (bohut zor se) and then he goes “ouch” … they kept walking and laughing like badmash guys.

I’ll post more, as I plan on doing more shopping

Certain places in Sialkot are famous for such incidents especially Rehman Mehndi House.

My advice, go at 3 p.m, sialkoti boys are mostly busy at this time SOMEWHERE else.

From SIALKOTI Boy.

Desire007 · December 20, 2012, 9:33pm

Long kamese and tang pajama, don't wear trainers with that gear lol

madz124 · January 2, 2013, 9:41pm

Re: Staring problem

Hi Jeea,

Sorry for the late reply. For dress shopping, I went to Fortress in Lahore. There was a lot of variety for casual and formal wear, including designer dresses. Price range: $3K-15K+
I don't remember all the shop names where I bought dresses from, but I do recommend Chinyere and Humayun Saeed.

Also went to H-Block Defence for window shopping, but felt it was way too overpriced for my budget.

Are you only going to Lahore for shopping? I am from Sialkot and my favourite go-to place for custom-made dresses is Zebayish in the main bazaar (price range: 10-18K). You can also check out V-Mall or Designer World near Silver Spoon. For dresses around 5k, Kashish and Rangoli boutiques are popular. If you are into designing your own dresses, Pakeeza has really nice, quality fabrics to choose from.

As for how to avoid the staring, here is what I did:
- wear minimal makeup
- go with someone older who knows their way around the market
- cover your head...you'll blend in more
- lower your eyes or if you feel someone is staring or making comments about you, just ignore them
- be comfortable and act normal (know what you want, where you are going, don't panic, don't draw attention by talking loudly in public or laughing too much etc.)

Last time I went to Pakistan, I had highlights in my hair and even though I covered my hair, the bangs showed and I think maybe that's why people stared more (?)
For some reason, I felt a lot more comfortable this time around and felt like I belonged. I went out a lot more (compared to the last time which was 7 years ago) and still had less instances of harassment (only the 3 that I previously reported ... ok maybe one more where this guy started singing songs and following me on his bike!).

Good luck on your visit! It'll be fabulous. :) And let me know if you need more tips.

Sara516 · January 2, 2013, 10:56pm

Re: Staring problem

I look at other girls to admire how well put-together they look and stuff and I guess look at trends and fashions and stuff...sometimes what you see in pictures looks awful but worn on a person would lok nice.

jeea · January 4, 2013, 8:29pm

Re: Staring problem

Hi madz124

Thanks for those suggestions they're great. The only problem I think I will have is with my hair but I'm hoping that will be sorted by the time I go.

I'm going to Lahore to stay with my gran and aunt and uncle so I'm hoping to get some shopping done while I'm there. They live in Green town so I'm hoping its not to far from there.

Some people in Pakistan are really weird. The last time I was there I got followed by a guy with a monkey for about 5 mins before my aunt told him to leave me alone.

Hope you enjoy the rest of you time in Pakistan.

BellaShabba · January 7, 2013, 2:49pm

I dont think the abaya idea necessarily works! I wore one wen i went so did my sister and other sister stuck to dupatta it doesnt stop these mustande! Unless i duno ur in full niqaab?!

Just dress how you like modestly and just dnt pay attention. As long as ur not alone and blatantly asking for attention its just something youl have to put up with.

Im quiet rude sometimes and got told off for answering back to these pervs but this one guy peed me off to the max with his stupd comments he was like aaj to nai kism ki biryani khaane ka dil chahta hai while looking at me and my cousin in a leery way (her mum was buying some masaale) i just said bhai saab aap apni biwi se keh de woh aap ke liye zabardast biryani khilaa degi ya apni amma se keh do :) they usually dnt know wat to say or just laugh it off they arent worth the attention!

KKF · January 7, 2013, 2:51pm

Re: Staring problem

may be men suffer from "SFES" [stoned/fixated eyes syndrome] which is triggered by the sight of young N pretty girls. jusk saying it could be a disease, you know! :)

SaeedinPakistan · January 8, 2013, 8:43am

Re: Staring problem

Found this. Makes Pakistan look like the best place in the world. I’m not saying it is, but it’s still better than what you’re about to read.

Just one kiss, he says, waving five Egyptian pounds at me.

One kiss on the mouth, and he’ll give me the equivalent of a dollar. I am walking through a bazaar bordering the Islamic section of Cairo, Egypt, when I realize that sexual harassment has no limits here.

One says he wants to marry me. Another grabs me by the arm and asks my name. A few simply yell, “China,” and hope I’ll turn around — I’m Asian, but not Chinese.

Harassment in Italy is notorious. But the catcalls I experienced in Venice and Rome pale in comparison to the shockingly sexual statements and shameless groping my roommate and I endured in Egypt.

This isn’t to say we didn’t expect it. After all, U.S. travel officials warn its female citizens that they are “vulnerable to sexual harassment and verbal abuse” when traveling unescorted in Egypt. In a survey released by the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights last year, 98 percent of foreign women and 83 percent of Egyptian women reported that they’d been sexually harassed there.

So we prepared. I spent nearly $200 on attire for the weeklong summer vacation, stocking up on long-sleeved shirts and ankle-length hippie skirts. We learned the Egyptian word for “No” — it’s “Laa.” I packed a pair of sunglasses to avoid eye contact, a scarf to cover my curves and a hat.

Forwardness astonishing
Physically, we were prepared. Mentally, not so much. If you’re a female planning to travel alone or with other women to explore truly one of the most amazing civilizations in ancient history, I hope you pay heed.

We booked a room at the Paris Hotel Cairo hostel for our first night in Egypt and were very impressed when the hostel owner himself picked us up from the airport, stopped to buy us breakfast and then arranged our tour through the pyramids of Giza.

So when we returned from an awe-inspiring tour on camelback — heeding our tour book’s warning not to let the guides ride with us on the camels — we assumed that his invitation to join him for a beer on the hostel balcony was an extension of this top-notch hospitality. Over bottles of Stella Artois, we talked about his life in Egypt and our lives in America. We were advised by friends who’ve traveled the country to say we were married — my roommate had even bought a fake engagement ring for the occasion — but we figured we could trust the owner of our hostel when he asked.

He casually began detailing his sex life, describing a few of his more unusual fetishes. My roommate and I exchanged uncomfortable looks when he asked if we liked “to be kissed on the bum.” I came out of the experience physically unscathed, but my roommate was apparently subjected to some aggressive advances while I was in the bathroom.

Still, one local refused to walk away after we repeatedly turned down his offers to massage us. At one point, he abruptly took off my hat and tried to rub my head.

Disturbing experience
After our brief trip to Sharm El-Sheikh, we headed to Luxor and toured the ruins of some of the most breathtaking ancient Egyptian temples and tombs, including that of King Tutankhamen, in the country. We then heeded the advice of every tour book and paid for a short felucca ride down the Nile.

This short ride turned into a much longer one than expected, with two local sailors who not only pawed at us but spent 10 minutes trying to kiss us and lure us back to their flat, where we “could all drink alcohol and have sex time.” The two didn’t actually begin to set sail back until we told them our guide was waiting for us on land and would notice if we weren’t back within five minutes.

My roommate said one of the men actually shoved her lips against his as she climbed off the boat.

These were some of the more disturbing experiences we had, but they are not the only ones. We were followed by men on the streets, and my roommate, who is blond and blue-eyed, was an obvious target for unwanted attention.

So as I walked through that bazaar on my last day in Egypt I was not nearly as surprised as I should’ve been when solicited for a kiss. Neither did it surprise me much when a hand reached out and groped my butt.

I turned around, but of course, nobody took responsibility.

Some people might say we were lucky. Video clips of women being molested by mobs of men on the streets of Egypt have made their way onto YouTube in recent years, and some local women say they are sexually harassed several times a day.

I hate to say this, but I wish I had been traveling with a man.

To females traveling to Egypt, I say: Be wary. Cover up. And mentally prepare yourself to accept a culture that is more tolerant of sexual harassment than your own.

Harassment in foreign lands can be a culture shock - Houston Chronicle