St. Patricks Day etc

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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No I don't dress them in red,green and red or green colors unless their teachers specifically ask them to dress.When children are little they have more parties and they have more demands but when they are in elementary or middle school no one cares.And since they are big kids they understand things and they don't care about things.My son is in pre-school her teacher asked me yesterday that its not religious but can he wear green.So I dressed him green but for my daughter who is in 3rd grade she doesn't care,although half of her class was dressed green but she said mommy we don't need to do these things anymore because we don't celebrate this in our class.

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

Ok so we don't let them make cards for their friends on valentines in kindergarten. How do we NOT let them do the same in high school? Should I believe my son or daughter will absolutely NOT think of having a valentine when they are older as long as I said NO it's not appropriate????
What's the best thing to tell em then... "hum musalman hain, hum aisay kaam nahi kartay, touba touba"......????? And imagine them to act exactly the way I want????

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You know the answer...
Lead by example.

Those things are part of their lifestyle. Why do we want them to be part of ours? They grow up with these traditions. Why do we want our children to grow up with such traditions? They see their parents doing it so it's no surprise they do it. So if you support them now, they'll think it's perfectly alright in the future. Why not think from the other side of the pond? =)

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It's not about not letting them make cards in school, it's about not going out of your way to show any importance to these holidays (i.e dressing them up in colours and sending them to school so that they look like everyone else). If they are making cards in school you can't tell them no and make them just sit there and watch everyone, that's cruel. As Niksik said it's a very fine line. I believe that as a parent you should teach the that we dont follow what these ppl do b/c we are muslim.

And you are absolutely right. We have no control over what they do in highschool, that's why it's so important to instill these values in your children at a young age. If done properly then they will understand that we as muslims don't take part in these activities.

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I agree to the soul of your post but my personal addition is that there is nothing wrong in allowing kids to join other's celebrations (as far as those are not in conflict with rules set by Islam).

Many people might have problem with this, but we think, that up-bringing of kids depends on 2 environments

1) public (school parties, etc )
2) home (leading by example)

While you can not close-shut the public life for kids you can control it and still have greater influence on them in private life (at home). You can always control the importance of anything (for kids) by personally celebrating or not celebrating it. My kids know that their Val day ends with the distribution of $2 cards and $2 chocolates in their class. They never see me and my wife celebrating it with red chocolates, candles, bunnies etc. So they know its a day that we (muslims) dont really celebrate but when it comes to eid, they not only take goodies to school but see it celebrated at home and in family extensively.

These are few difficulties that you face once you move to non-Islamic country i.e where majority of population is not Muslim although I have seen on TV and have been told by my parents that Val day is celebrated on larger scale in Pakistan now than in west and in some areas its more celebrated day then Eid.

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its all good- you are entitled to your opinion. i guess i'm approaching these things differently because my husband is not desi, so for him, valentine's day is a big deal and a cultural milestone during the year. i always get flowers and a card. and its not that oh we're celebrating because cupid says so- of course you can show your affection, and we do, any other day- but feb 14th is just a day set-aside to bring that into the spotlight. i don't see anything wrong with that, personally.
to me, parenting seems like a big enough challenge as it is without being concerned about my kids exchanging cards at school or wearing red and green at christmas. i would hope that we would do a much better job of raising them and teaching them so that they don't get sidetracked by these holidays and start to think they're non-muslim or something because they participate. and i guess i'm even more laidback than the average poster here because my in-laws are not muslim. so christmas is as big a deal in their household as eid is in my family's. and we do celebrate it with them- not in the spirit of christ's birth- but more as an excuse to dress up and have a big special dinner together, like we do on eid in my family. its cultural more than religious and i don't want to raise my children thinking their grandparents on dad's side are "evil" because they party on december 25th lol :p
if anything, i think its going to confuse the hell out of them and its not fair to the grandparents either to deprive them of the chance to share their culture with our kids. now having said that, of course certain things like pork and wine won't be allowed and that's where their muslim faith comes in.
so to me, its all about striking a balance.

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

^well said SGC! I really respect the fact that you want your kids to share their grandparents culture, that's awesome!

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

Some years they do and they don't. I just don't make a big deal out of it.

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So what would you do if your child brings home a list of names of his/her class mates with a note attached saying we are doing a card exchange on valentines. Your kid can participate although it's not mandatory. What will you tell your kid?

My point exaclty!

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I will explain to them with love how this holiday has nothing to do with what we believe in. I'll give them a treat which would be 100x better. You know better than me, kids love something today and forget it tomorrow, the same way it should happen with un-Islamic holidays. Give them some alternative entertainment, take them out, food, toys whatever. They're kids!

You know we Muslims today have become so soft. Little by little we're just giving up our way of life. It may not be apparent for some. Today we say "oh it's just cards" but tomorrow "oh it's just dating". There are real life examples of this right in our neighborhood and you know this! We need to be strong and put our full TRUST in ALLAH, and ignore all these satanic holidays (yeah it may not seem so, but we all know where these holidays originate from).

Allah says:** And the Jews will not be pleased with you, nor the Christians until you follow their religion. Say: Surely Allah's guidance, that is the (true) guidance. And if you follow their desires after the knowledge that has come to you, you shall have no guardian from Allah, nor any helper.** v120 Surah Baqara

Is this not reality TODAY? wake up smell the coffee =) This dunya, or your life is just for few years compared to akhira.. so like the secularists say, better to plan for the future! the REAL future!

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

woot woot! excellent post!

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LOL…cute!

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

what do non muslims kid do in Pakistan or other muslim countries for muslim cultural and religious events?

My take is, unless something is blatantly against the faith, let people share, interact, learn, now whether you not your believe Mr. patrick was a Saint is up to you.

The interesting thing is that this has become a bigger talking point in last 10-15 years, in my childhood, there was no issue with halloween, easter egg hunts or painting easter eggs, guy fawkes day etc. You had no religious siginificance attached to them, you did it and had fun and our parents did a good job explaining religion to us.

Now it seems like we just stop kids from participating in stuff, even though kids are going to islamic sunday schools and summer programs, what is it? this generations feeling of inadequacy as parents or the pressure propoganda from the overlords in KSA who have exported their own version of imams and ideology and now splitting hair on whether a kindergarten kid painting an easter egg is doing something haram or will grow up to become less of a muslim.

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

I think it’s because we are insecure that we haven’t given enough of a foundation to our children so we like to blame outside “influences” for how our children turn out. Dunno :hmmm:

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

thats what I think to some level
but I think this puritanical viewpoint has gained momentum in the last 2 decades it seems.

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Re: St. Patricks Day etc

my kid goes to islamic school,so alhudhulillah I dont have to deal with such issues,the only occasion they celebrate at school is independence day wher theywear the traditional colours .

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I agree with you X2.
This has only become apparent in the last decade or so......what's with it?
Our parents had much less to rely on to reinforce our religious education yet they managed to instill such strong faith. At least I like to believe that it is strong. And now when there is so much culture and religious around us so many of us are taking the "fundamental approach".

I have a similar question......if we are discouraged to participate, then does it hold true that we should not be pleased with other children of other faiths dressing up and sharing sweets for Eid?

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^ good point!