The title itself sounds so selfish doesnt it? I know.
When you have children…did you end up neglecting your personal/intimate life with your spouse?
Do you ever feel like even though you would never give up your children, you wouldnt mind some one-on-one time with your spouse?
I have a situation where a friend of mine feels like her entire life and her husband’s entire life revolves around her children. While she appreciates how great of a father he is, she cannot help but miss being a priority sometimes. They have a great marriage, the love is definitely there between them (Mashallah) but he loves his kids so much he sometimes completely ignores her without meaning to.
What would you do to remedy this? Talking it out only works for a little while and then things are back the way they were before. How can she approach this without feeling like she is forcing him to spend time with her?
Her children are 8, 6 and a newborn baby of 3 months Mashallah. They do go to bed early but her husband travels a lot and is gone 4 days a week. When he comes back, he misses his kids so much he doesnt want to be away from them.
I am with Hareem. Put kids to bed early as well as finding other time for each other. Playdates, babysitters, other relatives to take care of the kids, movie night, date night, a mini vacation together perhaps.
Her children are 8, 6 and a newborn baby of 3 months Mashallah. They do go to bed early but her husband travels a lot and is gone 4 days a week. When he comes back, he misses his kids so much he doesnt want to be away from them.
I can totally relate to his situation. I am also crazy about my kids and Niks is aware of that. Whenever I go out of town without them, I just go nuts. Niks knows that how much I hate weekend socializing with other families just because it takes my evening away from my kids.
Hubby and I take time out for just the 2 of us as well. For example, we're off on a family-work related trip combined into 1. First couple of days we have a blast with the bachas, the next couple of days, his work has some evening dinners/events planned for just the couples so we have a nanny take care of the kids.
Other than that, it's pretty much what Hareem said, that we also try to let our kids fall asleep before we do so we can spend some time before bed together. Can't say that we do that every day, but some days, and then on weekends, we usually get a movie and the kids fall asleep on the couch way before we do.
For people who travel out of town, I know how it feels when they're away so they want each and every moment with the kids. But as a spouse, that itself is a lot of emotional happiness for me to see that bonding.
Its true ^ Seeing your husband be a good father to your kids is a great thing and I hope to have the same Inshallah.
I guess I want to help my buddy out because she really loves her husband and wants to spend time with him. Aside from this, they are a great couple Mashallah. It seems he thinks by loving his kids, he is doing his part. I think in his mind, that IS equivalent to loving her. When sometimes it should be only about her or the two of them.
Ive told her to take initiative and do things to surprise him, show him how to make her happy, set the standard, etc. He doesnt get it...lol.
I don't think she should stress about it too much but take it as a stepping stone towards a stronger marriage. The alone time will come back eventually but she could ask him for a couple of days a month where they could go out for dinner or watch a movie together, or whatever they enjoy doing...but what happens most of the time is the guilt of leaving the little kids for your personal pleasures/entertainment so in the end neither one of you enjoy that time. If they both are on the same page regarding the alone time, then they could invest in a nanny a few hours a week/month, whatever possible, and be together without the kids. YOu are right about the his time with the kids = loving her, but it's easy to confuse that or understand the needs of a spouse are separate from the love for the kids. If they don't have any other issues, which it seems, then I guess talking to him openly should have a positive impact on him.
women are always unthankful…they can ‘never’ be satisfied whatever the husband does..
one time its ‘husband doesn’t care for the kids, not interested, doesn’t go to parent-teacher meeting’
next moment’ he loves the kids too much, doesnt’ give me time’
and still next moment ‘he loves the kids less, but is too chipkoo, i need my space’
I hear that complaint more from guys then women that they miss spending time with their spouse and more from when there is initial adjustment period of having the first baby.
My neighbor was telling me that it's been 8 years since she has dinner with her husband alone or gone out to see a movie with him. She can't trust anyone to take care of her kids and when she did once with the babysitter - she had a horrid experience. She is scarred for life.
