Husband and I both have high earning careers but since I work part time I make about 1/3 of what he makes, which is still a good amount. Anyway, his family is more money conscious than mine- they plan, save, are very efficient, whereas mine is more of the mindset “spend freely and allah will provide”. I know desis are typically frugal and my family is a little excessive which I actually reprimand them about - no piont in throwing hard earned money away. I usually do not have a problem with living frugally but I cannot get over less generosity. My husband alhamdulillah does give charity but initially even I had to argue that bc he thought his loans negated his assets. However, what bothers me is tipping poorly or reducing tips, or getting angry at me for overpaying for something (price diff <$5) I have been berated for wanting to defy him when I decided To give a little more tip. I wanted to tip our movers for moving furniture on hot Day but I knew that giving extra would result in an argument. I have told him to go and buy the things himself if he wants to get the deals instead of bossing me around, but he always pushes me to do the dealing. You know how desis fight for the bill at the end of group meal? I have to push him to do that as well and it gets embarrassing as we have let others treat us a lot. When the time comes to pull out the credit cards, he tells me to pull out mine… Does he really expect me to battle my male in-laws for the bill?? I mean if it’s among my girlfriends sure but with a bunch of men??? And I use my personal card, we don’t have a joint one!
It’s getting to the point where his frugality is embarrassing but sometimes I go with it to save myself from a fight (i.e. I feel like giving money but is it worth angering my husband even though in my mind it’s a good deed). Should I do what I think is right or do what my husband says. Whatever I spend is from my own earnings unless it’s cash (not often).
I would come to a compromise on things with him...just talk it out and come up with a general "rule of thumb" between both of you. That way, there are no surprises and you're avoiding arguments.
If he doesn't want to tip at all but you want to tip 15-20%, tip less. I know its embarrassing...but that's how you come to agreements.
If you want him to understand your perspective on this, understand his first.
Husband and I both have high earning careers but since I work part time I make about 1/3 of what he makes, which is still a good amount. However, what bothers me is tipping poorly or reducing tips, or getting angry at me for overpaying for something (price diff <$5) I have been berated for wanting to defy him when I decided To give a little more tip. When the time comes to pull out the credit cards, he tells me to pull out mine... Does he really expect me to battle my male in-laws for the bill?? I mean if it's among my girlfriends sure but with a bunch of men??? And I use my personal card, we don't have a joint one! Whatever I spend is from my own earnings unless it's cash (not often).
What exactly is the agreement you two have regarding finances? If you do not have any joint accounts and your salary is totally separate, what is the arrangement? Does he pay ALL the bills and other expenses? Do you contribute? Is your salary supposed to go 100% towards savings? Or is your salary 100% yours to use?
For the group means example, does it ONLY happen with your in-laws? Or does he do the same thing with YOUR family? What about going with with a group of friends?
Eek. Did you know this about him before getting married? People do tend to ease up over time…depends on how malleable he is. My spouse is far more money-wise than I am…but not to the point where it’s embarrassing or just plain stingy. I hope your husband begins to let go and open up his wallet a bit more. If he was a stingy tipper or not charitable I don’t think we would have even got married. It’s such a turn off…and it has nothing to do with how rich or poor you are.
P.S. I hide shopping bags from hubby…leave them in the car for a few days sometimes
