So what kind of a parent are you? Do you give your kids whatever they want? Or are you the other kind who makes their kids to be independant from an early age?
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Not a parent yet but I pray to Allah that may He make me a good father and guide me and the rest of my household, as well as my children, to Islam and fill our lives with the light of Islam. Ameen :)
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i am no parent. but, there is so much to be learnt before one may become a parent.
a lot of moral and social development must be created by responsible up bringing by parents.
the biggest example is Prohpet pbuh, and in the contemporary times, we can all learn from our own parents, what they did right and what made us turn out good. learning from good examples will need to make the children recognize that parents have done so much for them and that children should in return be good care takers of their parents, now when the parents are old.
some children may not have been fortunate and understood or brought up with doubts or fears.
some, with selfish nature or greed and uncaring attitude.
still others are so spoiled that they see nothing beyond own selves.
and that is where now a days, parents must be very careful in teaching their children, the difference between right and wrong, kindness and unkindness, true and untrue & so on and so forth.
love, contentment, warmth, bonding, trust and rules as well as boundaries can all be given and expected along side, when parents train their children to be self confident.
support of parents in making decisions guided by sound rationality is very essential for a grown up definitely other wise his/ her whole life's worth of decisions may be limited to mere doubts and dissatisfaction from even the best of best.
spoiled children eventually have it very hard, very very hard, there is one book that every Father should read. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeger.
For being a conservative and stereotyping conservative, one will be surprised to know, that a caucasian female doctor is noting from her pediatric and clinical practice cases, how in the social system, norms and culture of america, fathers need to be so present for their daughters to make them strong and self sufficient, wise, & safe from harm.
Muslim family structure must include a very healthy and constant connection with parents, to learn from them, the parent in laws especially, since they are from a different family.
Yes, maybe, only grand parents may spoil a 3 years old, but after that no spoiling. parents, must always be even handed and good listeners to their children and help them realize, that everything has to be earned, and not taken from granted from tangible comforts to someone's accorded trust.
only then, the new generation can be counted on for morally stable, and caring ethics for betterment of the community over all, and for keeping the legacy of kind and considerate younger generation getting ready to fulfill good qualities of care and sensitivity on personal and social levels.
Dushwari
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So what kind of a parent are you? Do you give your kids whatever they want? Or are you the other kind who makes their kids to be independant from an early age?
would like to go wid the second one that want to make my children independent....but question rises wht do u mean by INDEPENDENCE?
yes they would hav their own choices in some cases but not in all (like western culture).
i would like to bring up my children as my parents did to me.
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Parenting is a really tough job. Before I had mine, I had all kinds of ideas about what kind of parent I'd be - and I have to say that things change once you have them. You find that your ideas sometimes dont work well and need to be adjusted. Its amazing how quickly they can learn. If you dont give them enough attention, they misbehave because of course they DO get attention then. Negative attention but its still attention. If you give them everything they want, they get spoiled. Its a constant challenge to strike that delicate balance where they get things they want but not TOO much.
About "independence" I'm not quite sure what you mean. The job of a parent is to teach independence to their kids....starting with how to communicate, feed themselves, get dressed, clean up after themselves. Moving on, teaching them good morals and values so that they can make good decisions on their own. So in that sense, I am totally for teaching independence.
Maybe you meant more of granting certain freedoms? In that sense, my boys will have to EARN freedoms - once they demonstrate that are mature and responsible enough to handle it. If they ask for an unreasonable freedom, permission denied. I think its also important to provide a certain level of explanation - I always hated being told "because I SAID so" when I was young. My 5 year old wants to walk to school by himself so when I told him no, I also explained why. He accepted my explanation and didnt whine or keep asking again and again.
East or west, I think this is pretty much the thinking of most parents.
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there's a saying ..."Spare the rod , Spoil the child ......."
NO , i'm not advocating hitting ur kids .... but i do strongly believe children should me made aware of the limits....
.......there is nothing more annoying than a child who thinks he can get his way throw throughing tantrums......I see a lot of parents nowadays blithely ignore their kids wrongdoings and let it slide with comments like "bacha hai..."
it is kids raised like that that turn out to be hellions as teenagers and even worse specimens as adults because they were never really taught what is right & wrong....and it is these very parents who later cry why their children don't respect them .......
I believe children should be taught from their early years about whats right & wrong and especially how to behave in public....
..it is what is taught at this age that is ingrained forever......
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sheyn, that is SO true!!! I once heard a saying - "Yelling at a child to make them do something is like trying to drive a car by blowing its horn" lol!! Thats very true too!
I dont like hitting, I use "naughty corner" timeouts and removal of priveleges for the most part. But each of my 3 has had a butt-smack or two.
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Since my husband is good at spoiling kids I have to be
the bad guy in order to keep things in balance.
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I only have one child and i guess she is kinda spoilt but we only have one and hubz says she deserves the best of everything-best private education etc. Im quite strict but shes a total daddys girl.
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We have the most well behaved, well mannered and lively kids in the whole neighborhood, mashallah. I guess if the parents are doing the right things :whistling, the kids learn the same automatically. As Pakistani parents, we don't believe in total independence for the kids. I totally encourage independent thinking on most issues but me and my wife make sure that they don't develop too independent thinking to stray from religious and our cultural values. We do not tolerate any independence where importance of education is becoming compromised.
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i concur with you WitchDr.
also, to build and maintain trust with kids, it is essential to be authoritative but not authoritarian.
which is what you are doing.
kids need validation, and confidence that they can share with parents, everything.
there is a fine line between being evenhanded and powerless in front of growing teen agers especially.
Pakistani parents settled abroad ( in their 30s - 40s (, whose children are in tens and early teens, certainly have a lot to manage and be careful about.
because their children are twice removed from the religious, family and cultural values. i would also say, that it will be great if people encouraged the independent thinking in their children, from the point of view of taking personal responsibility and remembering the ethics and differentiate between right and wrong out of their own accord, before doing what is expected of them according to whatever values (religious, familial or cultural), reluctantly and only to please their elders.
that will enable children to have an ownership of their actions and they will be sensitive to the consequences of their individual intentions and subsequent actions.
best,
Dushwari
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I will not feed them candies and frozen/canned food. It will be all organic. 
other than that, I am not sure. Jab banainge parent tab dekhainge. 
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ur kids might not like u..
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Dimagh, thats very cute! And it shows great intentions....but like I said, you MAY find yourself adapting and changing once you actually have them. If the only way to get your little one to eat his veggies is to promise a candy, you may just find yourself doing just that. And if you happen to have more than one little, you may find yourself at times resorting to a frozen dish here and there. Or disposable diapers rather than freshly laundered clothies! Adaptability while sticking as close as possible to ideals - thats my take on it.