Sorry honey I've been out of the loop for a bit - here's my take on these.
First and formost; about the whole leaving adoptive parents for biological.
Not all biological children stay with thier parents all thier lives; why is an adoptive child leaving such a bigger deal?
As for wanting to find out who you're bioligical parents were; lets put the shoe on the other foot. If you were adopted wouldnt you want to know why and who? And does that make your love/attachment appreciation for the adoptive parents. I dont think so - it just take mutual understanding on behalf of both parties.
If you adopt you must follow the rules set out by Islam. So you cannot give them your name; they must retain there own. You must reveal to them that you are not their biological parent; they must be told that they were adopted. You can give them you're last name; there is just a suffix that you have to add onto it. Kind of like bint-e; except the literal meaning of the suffix means 'adopted by' in arabic.
If you adopt a female child she must do pardah from the father and if the child is male then as the mother you must do pardah from him. Unless you are able to nurse the child; then it's okay.
Valid only if we are doing pardah frome everyone else and this would be the one source of sin in our life.
- Consider the difficulties of comparison and preferential treatment between your biological child and the adopted one.
So if you have more then on biological child you treat them differently? A person whose gone through the entire process of adoption will probably be inclined to have a stronger character and I don't think they'd falter so easily.
- Consider that when it comes time to seek a suitable spouse for that adopted child, cultural bias or preconceived notions may hinder them from a "good rishta" since their lineage will be unknown.
No Nonsense Policy; if the rishta needs to know lineage to judge you're child then they probably arent worth it.
Why do you want to adopt if you can have your own and you have no fertility issues? And if there are fertility issues why do you not seek treatment for them first before resorting to adoption? Its just not that easy as keep seeking-
What if the adopted child has other issues (e.g. physical or mental) that are not apparent at birth? When these come to light how will you handle them? Same can be said for biological children
What if the child's parents come looking for him/her once they are able to support them? Legalities dont allow that - closed adoptions are always an option
What if the child decides that he/she has a burning desire to seek out his/her biological parents? support them - like our parents supported all our rediculous issues
I'm going to leave the post at this stage and come back with my answers once I have read some of your feedback.
Do you agree/disagree with the above points of view/concerns and are there others that you would add?
Now this is a debate that has value. Being a single guy, adoption has never been a subject of discussion. I want my own kids. Its pretty much a guy thing. I want the family name, the genes etc carried on. Its something else to have a child that is your own flesh and blood. However considering one of my friend will have to adopt to have any chance of having a child I find it an intriguing concept.
Its kinda like a symbiotic relationship. Both the parent and the adopted kid benefit from it. So its adoption as an act is not a negative action. However it is by no means a selfless act which is Muniya's main point. One has to realise and accept that when adopting a child you are also doing it for yourself. You are not a saint. You aren't a hero. You are doing it for selfish reasons. Which again is not a bad thing. A couple who can not have off-spring adopting a child is a very generous and noble act as both realise they are doing it for themselves and also for the child. It is a symbiotic relationship.
As for the religious debate on adoption, no way qualified to give an opinion as with most Pakistanis our knowledge of religion itself is limited and based on hersay. Unless someone backs up these comments with actual hadis and sources, I will be very wary of entering such a debate.
However to add to Muzna's comments, a lot of the female comments are based on the assumption you are adopting an infant. What about children that are above the age of 8?
CM not to tuurn you off or anything lekin when you say you want "my" kids - you're adoptive child is your kid. And if you can't make then distinction then adoption probably isnt for you.
Agree with you on the last point; its much harder for older children.
I think its that much easier to bond with an infant; when I was adopting my 6 month old son, there was another couple who adopted a 5 yrs old. OMG that child definately gave his new family a run for the money; he'd hit them in ppublic and I could see that there was much work to be done there. Honestly that scared me.