Recently when I shared my idea of adopting in a social gathering there were many people that voiced their concerns.......some of the messages are:
- If you adopt you must follow the rules set out by Islam. So you cannot give them your name; they must retain there own. You must reveal to them that you are not their biological parent; they must be told that they were adopted.
**I know this won't be a popular opinion but how many of us follow Islam to the letter? i get that everyone should strive to follow Islam to the best of their abilities....but say if you don't pray 5 times a day, or don't fast even if you can, or don't wear hijab, or you ogle women, whatever...can you really give hte argument that Islam doesnt allow it?
With that said, if we ever adopt...they will have their father's name but they will know where htey come from. **
- If you adopt a female child she must do pardah from the father and if the child is male then as the mother you must do pardah from him. Unless you are able to nurse the child; then it's okay.
**Again I know this won't be a popular thing to say, but you gotta hae common sense. Who falls in love with their parent or their child? its sick and if that happens...that's more cz the parent is sick in their mind..not cz the child didn't do pardah!
Btw--most desi girls that i Know of at least, do have some sharam and hayaa in front of their fathers, they will not wear shorts or even short sleeves, and these are biological daughters. If even biological daughters have this pardah then most likely adopted ones will too, if the parents raise them that way.
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- Consider the difficulties of comparison and preferential treatment between your biological child and the adopted one.
*Are you asking about treatment within the family or by extended family members?
I am 100% sure that nobody in my in laws or my immediate family and some extended family, will treat my adopted child badly or worse than if it had been our biological child. And if they do--we cut our ties with them. simple as that. *
- Consider that when it comes time to seek a suitable spouse for that adopted child, cultural bias or preconceived notions may hinder them from a "good rishta" since their lineage will be unknown.
*Marriage will come when, 15-20 years down the line? why worry so much now? I firmly believe that its all kismet. If its meant to happen it can happen. *
Why do you want to adopt if you can have your own and you have no fertility issues? And if there are fertility issues why do you not seek treatment for them first before resorting to adoption?
What if the adopted child has other issues (e.g. physical or mental) that are not apparent at birth? When these come to light how will you handle them?
That's the only reservation I see with adopting. It can be tough to deal with but then again, what if the biological child God forbid, develops physical or mental issues? Wouldn't we handle it the same way as if it were a ibological child?
What if the child's parents come looking for him/her once they are able to support them?
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Aren't there laws that suport the adoptive parents?**What if the child decides that he/she has a burning desire to seek out his/her biological parents?
*I dont know.
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I guess you can see i really don't agree with many points. some of them are valid, i.e. health issues, but other than that........