Sperm Count

Hangout Humor (Rated G)
1

A 75 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day, the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this… First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeez’n it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?” The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn’tget the damn jar open!

female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female he told her to enter PENIS. Without blinking or saying a word she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

[This message has been edited by mansoor (edited November 27, 2000).]

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Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John’s wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.” Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, “Hell no! Fact is I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.” “I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and > she split right up the middle.”
The old woman fainted.

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.”
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, “Doc, I feel great.
What should I do?” The doctor says, “Stop wiping with cement bags.”

How to Truly Impress A Client.

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late. Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.” “Yes?” “I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?” “Sure.” I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. “Hi, Ray,” he said. I replied, “**** off, Gates, I’m in a meeting.”

[This message has been edited by mansoor (edited November 27, 2000).]

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http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hehe.gif

good ones!

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