I know there have been a lot of these threads where men complain about desi women being not cool and vice verse. so before i go into any details, let me tell you something about myself.
I did my high schooling from pakistan and then went to the united states and got a degree from there. in my college degree time, I first went to a junior college in NY and then i transferred to a university in texas. I picked up a lot of things from the united states. maybe i already had them and the united states environment just polished it. those traits included being straightforward with women, being confident, smiling, being open and friendly and always having this positive attitude towards things.
Its been five years since i returned to Pakistan. now i have a good job, something that i had always wanted and for something i left the life in the united states. however there are several things that make me angry.
one of them is double standards. ironically, the people who exercise those double standards are the first ones to say that they dont like them.
I am going to give you an example. I liked this girl very much. since i can not give much details about myself in a public forum, lets just say we are in a university environment and we both live in hostels. and i see her on campus regularly.
anyway ever since i had met her, i had tried asking her out several times. but she always refused saying that she did not go out like that. so i thought to respect her limits.
but wait.. the twist was here. one day when i was coming out of a restaurant quite late at night, i saw her coming in with a guy. she did not see me, though. when i saw her the next day i told her that she looked beautiful in that restaurant the previous night. later on she was trying to do damage control by saying that she was with a friend. and i should have said hi if i had seen her. and i said that i did not want to get into her privacy.
anyway from many other things it was clear that guy was her boyfriend. the body language tells you a lot of things.someone else had seen her with the same guy before, and incidentally the same guy was with me at the time when we saw her at that restaurant. and he told me that he was talking about the same guy.
given that she knows what kind of a man i am, had she told me she had a boyfriend, i would have had never pursued her in the first place.
she is not the only woman of that kind. most of the women, especially in the big cities, go out on dates and yet are too secretive about it. whatever they say, i think as nation we lack the moral courage to come out about our relationships. that is not only true in pakistan, but also for desi women who live in the united states. i have seen several cases in the united states where a couple would continue calling each other “brother and sister” when the reality is something different.
so my question is: why is this nation full of hypocrisy? i hate living here but i dont have any choice. i have a high profile job and i can not leave it and find a better one than that.
Good question but I would also like to knw y people do this. Maybe they like all the attention they get? It could be that she wasnot interested in you?
you arent the only one that has experienced that stuff. i was in a college in pakistan and i openly spoke about my bf and everyone knew i had a bf. there were girls in my class that would speak about me behind my back and i always thought they were conservative and traditional and wouldnt even dare speaking to a guy unless it was about classwork.
ofcourse later on i find out that a lot of those girls that used to talk about me, actually had bfs. most of them had love marriages. one was even a hijabi...
Yeah, women love attention. More the better. If they have a man and yet others are pursuing them, then why tell them they're taken and lose that attention for no reason - so they just enjoy attention from as many people as possible.
Very strong women in very strong relationships will make it clearer to others that they aren't interested, period.
Its not usually about seeking attention. Alot of girls try to hide their relationships from others and put it under the guise of a "brother-sister" rel'p because they fear for what others might say/think about them. The whole izzat thing comes into play here from what i've seen most of the time. In our culture like it or not people just dont accept that, even in high schools guys go around bothering girls but once a girl gets a bf they label her as all sorts of nasty things even if shes just sticking to one guy.
Sorry to break it to you bud, but the girls dont really mean they "dont go out like that". What they mean is that they're not interested in you. Just be happy they sugar coating their rejections.
Your sweeping generalization makes me think there might be something about you that girls dont like.
Your sweeping generalization makes me think there might be something about you that girls dont like.
i might have some traits that they dont like. but I have always encountered this problem with desi women. i have never had a problem with women of other nationalities.
^ I think its because desi culture is highly judgemental.
I hope I dont sound harsh when I say this. Jaanaan, I think she said that because she doesnt want anyone to know she has a BF. Its her privacy and she can protect it any way she likes. She doesnt have to tell you about her boyfriend to make you happy...she has to look out for herself. You're practically a stranger to her, why would she tell you something so personal and allow you to judge her? She doesnt know you and therefore doesnt owe you anything...not even explanations.
^ I think its because desi culture is highly judgemental.
I hope I dont sound harsh when I say this. Jaanaan, I think she said that because she doesnt want anyone to know she has a BF. Its her privacy and she can protect it any way she likes. She doesnt have to tell you about her boyfriend to make you happy...she has to look out for herself. You're practically a stranger to her, why would she tell you something so personal and allow you to judge her? She doesnt know you and therefore doesnt owe you anything...not even explanations.
Yeah, women love attention. More the better. If they have a man and yet others are pursuing them, then why tell them they're taken and lose that attention for no reason - so they just enjoy attention from as many people as possible.
Very strong women in very strong relationships will make it clearer to others that they aren't interested, period.
Its not usually about seeking attention. Alot of girls try to hide their relationships from others and put it under the guise of a "brother-sister" rel'p because they fear for what others might say/think about them. The whole izzat thing comes into play here from what i've seen most of the time. In our culture like it or not people just dont accept that, even in high schools guys go around bothering girls but once a girl gets a bf they label her as all sorts of nasty things even if shes just sticking to one guy.
Dude, are you amir_pindi or just inspired by him? This seems more like a personal ad than a genuine concern.
Really heartening to see you pasting the title of "hypocrisy" on a whole nation because some girl rejected you. Precious!
Doing something wrong and being secretive about it could be indicative of fear/respect for social and religious bounds. A lot better than openly dating and being proud of it, if that is what you are aiming at.
Try hitting on some other girl, if she is interested, things will fall into place and you will be one happy high-profile highly-eligible stud.
whoa! I thought before we had just settled desi women were too direct!!! Weren’t they the ones that told you need to lose weight in frnt of your face? These generalizations aren’t even making sense anymore!! I guess desi women were just made all wrong and should be sent back to the factory…sigh…but it’s okay, as a desi female, I am proud to be made imperfect…
Anyways, I don’t see anything wrong in what the girl did…I mean seriously what did you want her to say when she rejected you? “I can’t go out with an ugly face like you” and then tell her life story?
