A beautiful poem by one of the most popular guppan of GS. She gave me the permission to post it on her behalf as she doesn’t want to post it by her own nick. So please respect her privacy and if you know her nick do not disclose it.
SOUL
**~By Fatima Bukhari~
…they blew out my burning flame
…leaving me in darkness
…and told me to live in the realm of nonexistence…..
…and as far as I’m concerned
…they too do not exist…!!!
…bored
… they set fire to my living soul
…leaving me to burn in my own
…personal hell…!!!
…I felt the embers of the inferno
…peeling my flesh
…and slowly consume every particle of my being
…with pleading eyes
…I begged for my salvation
…only to be greeted by expressionless eyes
…unfeeling, uncaring, unwavering
…to them I never was
…they continue to set fire to my soul
…lighting match upon match upon match
…to them I never was
…and as far as I’m concerned
…they, too, do not exist…!!!
…it wasn’t enough to leave me with nothing
…they took even that away from me
…it wasn’t enough to leave me in despair
…in tears they left me to drown…
…only tears I could not shed…!!!
…my insides drowned in tears of pain
…but from my eyes
…they refused to flow
…dead
…expressionless, unfeeling
…dry…!!!
…deceiving…!!!
…completely unaware of the pain
…of the suffering
…of my soul…!!!
…bored
…they played with a puppet
…me!!!
…unresisting
…I played in their hands
…silently watching with dead eyes
…as I lived someone else’s life
…a life
…not my own
…A stranger
…in my own world
…a heartbeat
…unfelt
…a void
…and nothing more
…A prisoner confined
…in chains of hopeless despair…!!!
…just a hole where once a soul used to be…!!!
…nor in heaven,
…nor in hell
…just a black hole
…a void
…a dead soul
…one that simply does not exist…!!!
…not even a miniscule amount of life
…the living dead
…in a world full of life
…a lost soul
…a stone heart
…consumed by a dark, desolate
…void
…nor of an angel,
…nor of the devil,
…nor of the human kind,
…not even a being,
…just so…!!!
…who am I?
…I do not know…!!!
…face-to-face
…they look right through me
…as though I am invisible
…to them,
…I do not exist
…and I
…I hope and pray for them
…to recognize
…a soul that once frolicked
… with joy
…one that within fountains
… swam
…and that through sprinklers
… ran
…one that refused to let childhood
…go
…a soul that with each laughter
…grew
…I wait for them
…but they
…they refuse to recognize my existence
…and I
…I refuse to recognize theirs…!!!
…still
…I wait
…whirlwinds of silent
…desperate screams
…consuming me from within
….a living soul
…destroyed
…and burnt
…in an emotional hell
…into ashes of nothingness
…A void
…drained
…suffocated
…drowned
…in unshed tears of agony
…dead eyes
…dead heart
…dead soul
…a void filled with
…a void
….a dark, black hole
…..a dead, desolate soul
…an un-beating heart
…a stone
…and nothing more…!!!
…brutally, they ripped apart my soul from my pleading body
… extracting it
…plucking it
…from its home
…leaving me to carry the burden
…of my empty, yet heavy body
…a void
….nothingness personified
…the warmth of a soul
…missing
…icy cold air surrounding
…a burdened body
…too heavy to carry
…on shoulders weak
…as I breathe my last icy breaths…
…Azrael* approaches
…and finding no soul to extract
…from an already dead, soul-less body
…he passes me by
…without a second glance
…the wind knocked out of me
…as I realize
…still reeling with shock
…that even to him
…I am invisible…!!!
…even to him
… I do not exist…!!!
…a deserted city
…of crushed hope
…lost dreams
…unrealized goals
…resides within me
…only tumbleweeds of despair
…being rolled by
…winds of silent, agonized screams
…exist within me!!!
…a soul-less shell
…a burden
…nothing more
…nothing less
…a living, dead body
…consumed by a void
…a dark, desolate void
…left with the ruins of what was
…once a frolicking
…fun-loving
…soul
…a soul
…once full of life
…and brimming with love
…“I”…
…not me anymore
…but an identity lost
…a void
…anything but something
…nothing but nothing
…not even a body
…just an empty
…black hole
…a void
…with ashes
… left by a soul—cremated!!!
…from the ashes, what is left of my once existing soul
…for resurrection
…I await!!!
…coaxing the remains of my soul
…to rise up from the dead
…from the ashes
…like a phoenix
…in all its splendor!!!
…in all its glory!!!
…the living dead
…I want to live again
…amongst the living
…I want to frolic again
…to live again
…I wait…!!!
…to live my life on my own terms
…I wait…!!!
…for emotions
…I wait…!!!
…to feel the blush
…of rose petals upon my face
…I wait…!!!
…to feel white dahlias
…upon my burning cheeks
…I wait!!!
…to raise my voice
…and make it heard
…I wait…!!!
…dead eyes turn to
…an unfeeling
…uncaring
…unwavering sky
…trying to mouth a silent prayer
…no heart
…no soul
…only a void and nothing more…
….no prayer comes to me
…and I
…I wait to live once again
…to once again
…call life my own
…I wait…!!!
…to once again
…be me
…I wait…!!!
…nothing left
…but a wait
…to embrace myself
…tight against my chest
…to once again
…dance in the rain
…to once again
…swim in fountains
…to once again
…run through sprinklers
…to once again
…be me
…uninhibited!!!
…just a long wait
…nothing but an agonizing wait
…for myself
…to come back to me
…to breathe again
…to rise from the dead
…and live again
…I just wait to be
…me again…!!!
…I wait to shout out
…to those that are still in doubt
…that I feel
…that I cry when I’m hurt
….that I bleed when I’m cut
…that I AM
…and I do exist…!!!
- Azrael= angel of death
