TEACHER: How old were you on your last
birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next
birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find
North America
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who
discovered America?
CLASS: George
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing
we have today that we didn’t have ten
years ago.
WILLY: Me
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I’m Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Didn’t you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn’t I promise to punish
you if you didn’t?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my
promise, I don’t expect you to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so
dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the
ground then you are.
HAROLD:Teacher, would you punish me for
something I
didn’t do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, because I didn’t do my
homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, “School
Ahead, Go Slow.”
TEACHER: I hope I didn’t see you looking
at Don’s paper.
JOHN: I hope you didn’t either.
GARY: I don’t think I deserve a zero on
this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it’s the lowest
mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark
on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the
day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to
me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me
to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there’s one
thing
I can say
about your son.
FATHER: What’s that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he
couldn’t be
cheating.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot
snake.
SAMMY: You can’t fool me,
Teacher…snakes don’t have
feet.
HYGIENE
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases
caused by
biting insects?
JOSE: Don’t bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence
starting with “I”.
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right… “I am the ninth
letter of the >alphabet.”
TEACHER:Max, use “defeat,” “defense,”
and “detail” in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and
defeat went
over defense before detail.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the
money I gave
you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10
people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.
TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you
asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don’t know your
arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don’t know my
father.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one
hand and eight
oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
BOY: Isn’t the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I’m the principal’s daughter.
BOY: And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness!