It was a state-of-the-art modem. Voice/data, FAX, caller ID, V.90. I
plugged it into a PCI slot.
As the computer booted, I breathlessly awaited the desktop’s appearance. I
looked over at the modem that I had removed, a pathetic 56K ISA data/FAX. I
felt sorry for the poor shmoes who had to connect with such antiquated junk.
The computer announced that it had found a PNP apparatus. It identified it
as an “unknown PCI device.” It automatically installed the software from
the Windows 98 disk in the CD-ROM.
After the boot was complete, I went to Control Panel. I selected “Modems”
and looked for my new beauty. Only it wasn’t there. Oh well, I’d just go to
“Add/Remove Hardware.”
No, I didn’t want Windows to look for the hardware. I didn’t care if it was
recommended. I clicked on the “Have disk” button and browsed to the folder
where my downloaded driver for the new modem resided.
The install seemed to go okay. When prompted to restart the system, I did so.
As the desktop appeared, Windows once again announced that it had found an
“unknown PCI device.” This seemed ominous. As the bootup finished, I went
back to Control Panel. Opening “Modems,” I discovered that I didn’t have
one, as far as Windows was concerned.
I went to “System,” and found that the unknown PCI device was not working
properly. I deleted it and reinstalled the modem driver. Windows once again
prompted me to reboot.
As the desktop again appeared, you can guess what Windows discovered. I
helplessly watched as an “unknown PCI device” was revealed and installed by
my ever-vigilant and obviously-smarter-than-me OS. As I went to Control
panel, I knew ahead of time what was going to happen. Sure enough, the new
modem was nowhere to be found, but I took comfort in the fact that I DID
have a non-functional unknown PCI device.
I am very fortunate in that when times get stressful, an inner calm takes
over. Many people would become enraged at their computers at this point,
but not me.
I calmly shut the system down, coolly carried the monitor, mouse, keyboard,
and mini-tower out to the back yard, serenely strode out to the garage,
placidly picked up a can of gasoline, peacefully doused the pile of
hardware, and quietly tossed a lit match on it.
The warm flames filled me with a state of emotional well-being.