1- Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
2-To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
3- A religious man, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor said,
"I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a
word with him."
"Hey my friend. What's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
4- What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
5-The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
6- **Three engineering students** were gathered together discussing the
design of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.
Who would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area???"
7- **An architect, an artist and an engineer** were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go
to the lab and get some work done!!!"