I think i should also mention somthing similar has happened before, not exactly the same but we decided to distance for a while, provoked by him about 18 months ago, then he came running back.
If he comes running back ( im not expecting it) what should i do?
i wish i never got into this stupid situation, i see simple pakistani girls who dont make friends with boys and i wish i could be like them. :(
Alvena,
I've highlighted in your quote above.....the part where you said that THIS has happened BEFORE. Alvena, that is like a red flag, hon. Marriage requires the ability to communicate maturely. Not only marriage.........but any and every relationship in life. It's difficult to have a relationship with someone who has a habit of suddenly ending the relationship without explanation and then disappears. This is not mature behavior and it's very painful for one partner to be in a mental state of uncertainty about the other partner's feelings and decisions. This is the SECOND time that this guy has done this.....and frankly speaking, it's inconsiderate. I urge you to put away the feelings of "love" for a while.........and reflect over this habit of his because if it's affecting your current relationship.....it can have a worse impact on a potential marriage.
Here is my suggestion:
I think you need to talk to him ONE MORE TIME........and then give him a break and occupy yourself with positive activities. Your biggest concern is that what if he decides to "come back" when you and your family have agreed to a rishta? This is a valid concern and you need to make him aware of this. So, I would basically tell him:
"You're already aware that my parents are searching rishtas for me. You've told me that you don't have feelings for me........so based on that.......I can only assume that our relationship will not be heading in the direction we once hoped it would. I just want you to know that in the event you change your mind, it would make things difficult especially if a rishta is seriously in the works. I know you're not obligated to have romantic feelings for me and I'm not forcing you. But I think it's unhealthy to leave relationships.....even friendships hanging without at least an explanation. So, I'm going to give us a break........and I hope that you'll be able to talk to me about this soon.....because I need to decide what I need to do with my life as this affects me and my family. Please give me a time frame of when you'll be able to discuss this situation."
By telling him this, you're letting him know that you ARE giving him a break..........but you're also requesting a time frame ( a couple of weeks, for example)......when he'll be ready to talk about this situation. You're also letting him know that he needs to decide soon what he wants to do because you can't keep going back and forth for him........especially if tomorrow a good rishta comes along. It would make it hard for you. So, by telling him this, you're urging him to reflect over what direction he wants in life. After telling him this..........TAKE A BREAK. Don't call him him, text him, or email him. Give him space. Hang out with family and friends. This break will also help YOU sort out your feelings for him. You might even realize that he's better of as a friend and not a life partner.
Frankly speaking, Alvena.............be careful. This is the SECOND time this guy has done this. Think about this.