Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
thanks skull dust!
Thankyou so much everyone for your time and support, i really need it and i feel greatful that even though i dont know any of you i can turn to you.
I will bring you upto date with the events of the past few days, and how im feeling now.
So i talked about what happened in the day with him in my prevous posts, that evening we went home and we were invited to a friends graduation dinner, i got ready and was waiting for some other friends, as i was going down in the lift co-incidentally he came in with me...
he stroked my cheek and said i looked beautiful, as much as i shouldnt have been and i feel stupid now-i was delighted, full of hope and happiness...i know im stupid i realise that now.
We went to eat at this place, i was sitting on the opposite side of him, all night he commented on the girls and waitresses saying how nice they looked and how wanted to 'eat one of them for dessert'. I was disgusted, hurt and very very angry. At the end of the night i walked out the restaurant, he came to be and asked ' are u angry' i said ' you are so disrespectful to me, your behaviour was so rude. we should spend time apart' and i walked off crying.
We got back to a friends apartment and played some games, somehow me and this guy ended up alone in the kitchen, he then was extremely rude to me saying how i was annoying and stress him out and he is indifferent to us now...he was saying this in a horrible way, i was talking to him crying saying how much he hurt me and how we could have sorted things out much earlier and things could have been different, he just made an annoyed face as if he couldnt be bothered to listen to me and walked off leaving me standing there.
For 2 hours i locked myself in the bathroom, one of my friends came to console me and drove me home.(uni home)
In the morning i went to my home to my parents, who live 2 hours away, and told them everything ( missing out the stroking hair and cheek bit) and i thought they would slap me, shout at me and disown me but they listended to me, my dad was amazing mashallah he said he is my friend and i should talk to him like that, i told them everything how i loved him and felt heart broken, and they understood and listened and made me understand that its his loss not mine, he is not perfection, and i shouldnt see him as something amazing just because he loved me and cares about me and just lots of different things that made me see sense, very very similar to what you guys have said!
I have gained a new strenght by reading everyones recent posts and speaking to my parents, so thankyou all and thankyou god for my amazing parents.
I saw him today. One of my friends was driving us to a placement in a different city. Me him, and 2 friends in the car, i was polite but thats it. We had to go out to eat, he asked me to pay for him, which really annoyed me, but i know he has money issues so i couldnt say no, but i made it clear its only because he is a fellow human being.
He then started eating from my plate :S i just gave him a funny look and he stopped. He started bringing up stuff we used to do together and i just changed the subject. He kept looking at me and talking to me alot, i didnt want to! its so frustrating.
At the end of the evening, he asked if he could talk to me, we went to the side, and he asked if we could give it another chance, i just walked off.
Feelings wont die over night, and i still care immensly about him but im also feeling some sort of hate.
I dont want to waste my time or energy on hating him, at the moment i feel bitter resentment, but hopefully with time i will come to neautral point.
I hate the fact that every day i wake up feeling nervous about what life is going to throw at me..it really annoys me :(