I recently arranged a dinner party and invited several friends with families (expected around 20 people to show up) from a particular social circle of mine. I made this plan at the encouragement of some in the circle when I met them 2 weeks before inviting them. Most people didnt wanted to decide till last moment so gave no commitment, some declined right away while others agreed. Since I have eaten at some of these peoples homes before and wanted to avoid some future embarrassing situation when someone would complain that I haven't invited them back, hence wanted as many people to attend as possible. It`s impossible for me to arrange several small dinners throughout the year, so I wanted max attendance at this one and announced it couple of weeks in advance. I consulted regarding the date with these people and then chose the date after getting the impression that the undecided people had no objection.
Then I started planning and prepared to host them. Around 6 hours before everyone was to show up and I was quite tired doing the preparations, a friend from the group, who had declined right away the first time I asked due to some other commitment, texted me that he heard that many invitees for the dinner aren`t in the mood to attend and I should be prepared. This news came as a shock !
I gathered myself and tried to call a few people and none of them would pickup the phone. Later a few texted me that they wont be able to attend, but most didnt even bothered. I was in disbelief. Some people cancelled the plan just because others werent coming. Eventually just 5 people showed up and although we had a good time, but the rudeness and selfishness of those who backed out on last day felt like a slap in my face. I know I wont be hanging out with this group much.
BUT...
The question in my mind is: Am I out of touch and when did people became so rude? I don`t want to be embarrassed by someone who invites me, then complains of not being invited back or does some sort of thing as described above so should I just decline invitations preemptively although it is one of 6 rights of a Muslim over another?
people getting more anti-social day by day…and they might be on good terms with you, but may be didn’t want to interact with your other company?
My friends didn’t show up on my marriage, because one or two of them told others that they aren’t going…at the end only 1 of the group of 5/6 showed up…
Woah to both Nomica’s and your experience OP. I can confirm one thing though, people ARE getting ruder. My experience is more with Amanat mein kheiyanat than people not showing up but you know what I have noticed, at the rate of I am cutting off such people, soon there is going to be no one left. Lol Pretty sad.
I think Nomi is somehow right. I don’t call this behavior justified. Yesterday, I had to attend a walima of my senior Manager who’s 3 years younger than me. I got to know that one of my colleague and one other guy from another department were not going. I was like who the hell I am going to spend time with? but it was my senior manager and it would be rude so I attended. Didnt really enjoy my time but job was done.
This sounds like my family. Whenever we try to host a dawat for my relatives everyone comes at like the last minute and leave early. We don’t even play host anymore and I could care less about my relatives because I don’t get along with them anyways.
Brown people suck man. I used to give them the benefit of the doubt even though my dad and uncles would warn me not to hang out with desis as they flake a lot and can’t be trusted but as I’ve gotten older and experienced the same I’m gradually removing myself from the community. I suggest the same to you. Branch out and make friends from different backgrounds.
I’m sorry you had to go through this at the last minute, DG. Yes, people can sometimes be so wrapped up in their own heads that they’re clueless about how rude they may come across to others. I keep a distance from the desi circle that I once upon a time shared an affinity with. Less people, less drama…life is simpler that way, I find. Or maybe I’m just way too introverted.
I don?t like to invite people over, I don?t go to other people?s invites. I politely decline them. I don?t really have any friends, just some work colleagues I would occasionally hang out with.
I never get to get such drama, neither do I need it.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and showing support. Im quite a social person and love to hangout in groups and plan things. But I didnt had such an experience before. Although those who showed up eventually have a special bond with me now.
It seems people act way busier than they actually are. Almost as if there is a competition going on to portray ones self as busier than thou. So if one person learns that someone else is not going to a party because they are busy with work, the first person feels insecure due to the possibility of appearing too available. I dont know really what goes on in peoples minds. I know some people who dont read their WhatsApp messages for weeks apparently for the same reason, but if verified they would be found charging their phones 4 times a day to keep up with its usage !
