My older brother was making over $100K a year but for the past 2 years is a secret alcoholic.
He has promised many times to stop drinking but doesn’t/can’t.
He is married with two small daugthers.
He claims that he has been laid off but I know that he has been fired for being drunk on the job after being warned before.
Everybody believes what he is saying about being laid off but he left his email open this morning and I saw that he was writing his resignation letter saying that he could not work for personal reasons. I believe that his company gave the option of resigning so that he does not have a being fired record.
(He was totally drunk yesterday when he drove to work)
So should I let my parents and his wife know that he got fired for drinking on the job or let everybody believe what he is saying?
If I do tell everyone, then maybe they can pressure him to stop drinking?
(My brother is in denial about his alcoholism, drinks secretly and gets angry when someone mentions that he has been drinking)
Definately let your family know ... but ensure you only inform those people in the family first , who have a direct affect on your brother , example your parents , his wife ...
If all the people in the family come to know, he may feel insulted ...
the point of telling the family is .. when one is so low in life ,one needs family or someone close to help em come out of that state ... often such people refuse to let their loved ones come close to them .... but thats what the family is all about .... you cant let a drowning person drown... you jump and save them , even if you have to apply some force to do that ...
Good luck .. I hope he recovers .. you must focus on why he started drinking in the first place .. go to the core reason and sort out his problems ... otherwise he will never feel the motivation to listen to any of you no matter how much love you give him ...
This is precisely why people should stay away from alcohol. It ruins not just their lives, but their loved ones. He should go into rehab immediately, recover and try to get back to where he was. Its sad that while people are losing jobs due to the global economic crisis, he lost it based on personal and totally avoidable reasons.
p.s. the day he drove to work and got asked to resign, did he drive to work by any chance? Think of all the lives (in addition to his) that hes putting at risk by DUI.
Yes; he used to drive to work drunk and pass out in the car until he became sober and then come home late pretending to be working late and being very tired. (my sis-in-law and parents all believed this or wanted to believe it)
How should I break this to the immeadite family, without letting them know that I accessed his private emails???
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Im sorry to hear about your brother's problem. I would say be very careful about who you tell. The first person is obviously his wife. She needs to know right away so she can help him. Parents come after that because they might get emotional and whatnot.
You need to take him to see a counselor immediately. He doesnt have to know otherwise he may not go...but he needs professional help. Someone to hold his hand and walk him through this horrible disease. It wont be easy but its got to be done and only you, his wife and your parents can help him. The man needs some serious pushing in the right direction and will probably resist all efforts to help him but someone has to save him.
Yes; he used to drive to work drunk and pass out in the car until he became sober and then come home late pretending to be working late and being very tired. (my sis-in-law and parents all believed this or wanted to believe it)
How should I break this to the immeadite family, without letting them know that I accessed his private emails???
I don't think his privacy is an issue here. He needs intervention from you and your family immediately so that he can get better and don't put himself or anyone else in harm's way.
This is not going to be easy for you, your family or him. He will deny and resist everything that you and your family will try to do for him initially but he's not in the right state of mind. I also believe he needs professional help with rehab and a psycologist to see why he's drinking int he first place.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Well, you may not have to tell them that you ran across his private emails at all. You know he has a drinking problem and that is more then enough. Tell them about him passing out in the car and possible DUI accidents. That alone is scary enough.
Telling them you accessed his private email is a last resort in the event that no one is taking the problem seriously enough.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Your brother has to be confronted and has to be forced to seek professional help. Addicts play all kinds of games to satisfy their craving and urges.They invent all kinds of stories, when they are sober the are the sweetest people you come around.
I have first hand experience below is my experience of dealing with an alocoholic friend.
One dear friend of mine called me once from another city and told me that he is in a fix and is being kicked out of his apartment because he could not pay the rent. He told me that his business partner committed fraud and he suffered huge loss in business. So I asked him to come on down and live with me till he is on his own again. So he moved with me. He is a smart chap and has same educational background as mine. So I trained him on an ERP package for a couple of months and then he found his first consultant job with salary in 6 figures. But he could not hold this job and got fired for having a fight with his supervisor. In one year period he got fired from 4 jobs for one reason or the other. But since there is high demand for the skills he acquired he was able to find another job easily.
This guy would pray namaz and would be very nice with everybody etc.
One Saturday morning I got a call from him at 4 O'clock in the morning telling me that please come and get me from Police Station of this area. I asked what happened he said he will tell me later. So when I went there he was raking of alcohol. He said he will tell me the story later after he is well rested. So I brought him to my home . In the afternoon he was trying to tell me stories. But I had my suspicions that he is alcoholic earlier but I never questioned or brought it in to discussions. The reason being that I never saw him drunk to the point where he would be irrational. I told him that I do not believe him at all , he broke my trust. He was in denial too telling me that he is not an addict. But I told him that he needs professional help and he can afford to do so. But he did not listen to me and moved to another city. Last time I heard from him, he was working at a gas station making minimum wages. When I look back I can imagine that his divorce from his wife was result of his alcoholism. His wife had told the people that he had become abusive later on. His was a love marriage which lasted 11 years and he had two sons . His wife had the custody of the kids. His brothers and sisters at one point or the other kicked him out of their house and according to him it was always their fault. All this kicking from brothers and sisters homes was due to his alcoholism.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
I'm so sorry for the troubles that your brother is facing. May he find peace and strength to overcome this addiction. Try a family intervention, confront him with the problem, let him know that his "secret" is no secret to anyone. That you all love and support him and want him to get better. Prior to confronting him, try to look into rehab facilities or AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) orgs in his area that can help him thru. They may even have some great suggestions as to how best to help him. There is no need for you to divulge that you've seen his emails as everyone concerned is likely well aware that there is an issue.
Bottom line though is that he needs to accept that theres a problem here, you cannot force an addict to give up the addiction. It needs to come from within themselves.
Prayers to him and to all your family.
May you be successful with a family intervention -
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Family intervention is an important part of recovering from alcohol. So do tell your parents. His wife should know. His wife probably already know (or is suspicious)- it's hard to hide alcholism, especially with people you are living with. It really does not matter how you found out, or if he even knows how you found out. In the grand scheme of things, that is just a small detail. He may be - and will be - angry at you for telling your parents and his wife- but when he recovers he will inshallah be grateful!
I would also recommend Aloholic Anonymous! This is such a GOOD organization. Reseach has shown it is one of the best!
Before it gets any worse, please, please take ACTION and HELP your brother! Tell your parents, tell his wife....they will eventually know it anyways. It is better to seek help before, Allah Forbid, the situation gets worse- before a fatal accident happens, before a wife gets abused, and so on! He won't like you when you do this NOW, but inshallah when he is rid of his illness he will thank you like you saved his life!
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Your brother may not like the idea of his family being informed of his drinking problem and it being the reason for him losing his job........but I feel it needs to be done.
The reason I say this is because your brother might assume that he has successfully fooled people into thinking that he was simply "laid off".....and that might encourage him to use the SAME EXACT excuse again next time. It's only allowing him to get away with lying, which is also wrong.
Also, his family needs to become fully aware of his drinking problem. God forbid, he gets into a drunk driving accident in the future.....can you imagine the SHOCK his family will experience....if they had no prior idea about his addiction. And what if being in a drunken state leads him to hurt someone else? There are too many possibilities/awful scenarios that can result from his addiction....it would be foolish to let this continue without informing the rest of the family.
Also, do you know why you're brother is drinking? I know this woman who lost her son to alcohol addiction. She's been to the support groups and has quite a bit of knowledge on the subject. I asked her once why people drink? And she said it's because deep down they are not happy. I think that makes sense. People who drink to become more "social" do it because they are are not happy/confident enough to embrace their personalities and find other means of socialization. People who drink to "fit in" are not secure with themselves as individuals. People who drink because they want to forget problems are obviously not happy in their fully conscious lives.
^I'm not saying that unhappiness is the DEFINITE one and only reason for drinking. It could even be as simple as your brother liking the taste of alcohol. Although others will argue that alcohol is an acquired taste and is not a beverage most people find delicious at first taste.
^Find out WHY he's drinking.....because his reason will be the root of the problem. But please tell your family. He has a wife and two children that depend on him. You owe it to them. Best wishes.
I think you should just be honest. Tell your family that he had left his email open and you accidentally caught a glimpse of some alarming sentences. And in a state of panic and concern for your brother you couldn't help but read something that was SITTING OUT in the open to begin with. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's not like you purposely hacked into his email account to access private information about him. It's really your brother's fault for being so careless. His emails being exposed is like a blessing in disguise....and opportunity for the family to become more aware. Just tell them the truth. Your brother might be mad because he's in denial about his addiction and doesn't want to let it go. But the rational thinking members of your family will appreciate your honesty about how you found out about his getting fired.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
Tell parents and other family members who have influence over him, definitely YES. Telling his WIFE, a big NO, because it's between them and if things start appearing pear shaped between them, he will start blaming you for all the mess. Him knowing that his parents and siblings KNOW about the real reason and not sharing it with his wife is enough to gain his confidence. Otherwise he will start blaming every1, instead of dealing with his addiction.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
I think telling your family members will only create more problems.
The best way to tackle this is write him a short and simple email.
Tell him that you are sorry for the "lay off", and that you are praying for him that he may find something better soon.
Then BRIBE HIM - lol - Tell him that although "layoff" was a very good and intelligent excuse - you know better of what really happened.
Then tell him that if he does not work towards his weakness - you will be forced to tell everyone of what really happened.
Tell him that you care about him, and let him know that you are just suggesting because you care!
If he is an intelligent guy - he will melt. If he not intelligent - then you just might have to tell the whole world.
Re: So my brother got fired for drinking on the job
i'll say talk to him first n let him know u somehow know he lost his job coz of his addiction.Don't mention chking his email it might make him angryinstead use any other excuse such as a rumor from his work.then suggest to him that b4 it gets any worse he should consult professional help n u r all there to help him in any way u can.If he doesn't take u seriously or brush u off next person to talk is a close male figure ur dad or an uncle.Initially don't involve the ladies esp his wife coz ladies easily get emotional n it might turn into huge arguements b/w him n his wife affecting his family life n kids.Also right now hes doing it secretly once his wife knows may b he starts doing it openly infront of her or kids So the wife should b the last one to know atleast from u or any other family member.yes if hes willing to work on his prob then he himself should inform her for her support.