in this whole rishta process! where’s the end to this?
We all take it for granted that if someone says they r of a certain age, u gotta add 2 years to it atleast to get their real age. But it doesnt end there anymore or maybe it has been like this from before, i dont know. But how can people lie about their engagements and even broken nikkahs? How sad is that. I mean its unfortunate it happened to you but why would you start a new relationship hiding such a big thing.
All this really scares me and i think maybe it is a better idea to just find a guy/girl for yourself and maybe this way there wont be that many lies?! as there are in an arranged rishta. Correct me if i am wrong here.
And apparently even after people get their kids engaged, they are still on lookout for a better rishta and if they get lucky they dont shy away from breaking the engagement for that very reason. Is that lame or what?! :halo:
So far the majority of rishtas ive come across have been quite honest with me, I mean i have never hidden my age I have always given my exact real age and so have they as far as I am aware, I mean I have only seen this hiding age thing in pakistan sometimes ive never seen it in the uk. But maybe it happens here too and I am not aware of it.
In terms of a broken engagement/nikkah, there was a rishta I had from a guy who has been in the UK for 5 years or so and on our first meeting he said I have been engaged before but it broke, so I guess I have had different experiences.
But i have seen what you are describing happen too!
Yar i doubt that it doesnt happen abroad cuz actually this topic came about after i heard that an aunty from abroad called mom up to look for a rishta for her daughter who had her nikkah done but it broke off. And apparently they dont want to disclose that! i thought that was very wrong.
Btw, i m happy that you have come across honest people. Lucky you, MashaaAllah.
...All this really scares me and i think maybe it is a better idea to just find a guy/girl for yourself and maybe this way there wont be that many lies?! as there are in an arranged rishta. Correct me if i am wrong here....
well, u'll be surprised that how many con-artists are roaming the street these days. people can be fooled. it all depends how smart and convincing the other person is. what actually happens is that u meet a guy...u can't ask for verifications in the beginning stages...you develope feelings for that person and get involved so much that you are scared of the thought of losing him/her and as a result you do not ask anything that might jeopardize your relationship...when finally time come for verification, it's too late to let it go...deception is an art...some are good, some aren't that good :)
well, u'll be surprised that how many con-artists are roaming the street these days. people can be fooled. it all depends how smart and convincing the other person is. what actually happens is that u meet a guy...u can't ask for verifications in the beginning stages...you develope feelings for that person and get involved so much that you are scared of the thought of losing him/her and as a result you do not ask anything that might jeopardize your relationship...when finally time come for verification, it's too late to let it go...deception is an art...some are good, some aren't that good :)
i know what you are saying but you dont have to fall stupid in love?! if u know what i mean.
as for being smart, well how is one suppose to figure out if this girl ever had her nikkah before or not? she's abroad and if they r looking for her rishtas in pak, wl they go abroad to figure it out.
i know what you are saying but you dont have to fall stupid in love?! if u know what i mean.
as for being smart, well how is one suppose to figure out if this girl ever had her nikkah before or not? she's abroad and if they r looking for her rishtas in pak, wl they go abroad to figure it out.
do NOT commit to someone until u are sure of what you need to know...both emotionally as well as verbally...that's the key! :)
ZK that exactly has been the case with me. Guys/ their families do lie about their age and salary very commonly these days. I don't know why guys hide their age. I mean we girls are more frank in telling the exact age these days. I am even thinking of telling the guy (before engagement) about my past failed rishtas (all were arranged and I have not been engaged before though) just in case he gets to know from somewhere else. So I really believe its best to start the new relationships on the basis of truth.
In love marriages, the thing is that you are more tolerant of accepting the negative aspects as you tend to see the guy with a different perspective. Mohabbat andhi hoti hai lekin jab shaadi k baad chaar chaar aankhain milti hain tau lag pata jata hai :p
ANd you know what, unfortunately most families dont even check up on the families before inviting them over! they say only if they wl come n say yes then we wl chk but i guess most people get too excited hearing the yes and let go of the checking part .
Failed rishtas include: interest of uncles and aunties for their sons when the sons were interested somewhere else and uncles and aunties trying their best to force their sons; forced rishtas in khandan; other arranged rishtas which were going alright till they ended coz of any reason etc.
Yup, investigation part on the girls’ side is done once they get a yes from the guy’s side. But its better tp do initial investigation by googling the guy’s name and searching him on the linkedin and facebook and if the wall is open, we can get to know a lot about him
^ Hmm well i dnt see any reason for sharing info about those rishtas unless there was any commitement involved there. But chalo its your personal preference.
I think investigation should be done before inviting someone over. Why make your daughter/sister go thru it if in the end you know the other person is not capable of her? And actually it goes both ways. I believe guys family should do the same.
My parents strongly believe in investigating before meeting, before a guy comes and meets me, my dad asks if he can go to their house and check everything out.
Well i agree with KKF. Liars are everywhere you just have to be very very careful. But why the heck anybody would hide their salary or even age. I never heard men lieing about age at least. But you never know what is the motive behind lieing about age or salary. I think they lie because they are afraid of rejection. Very sad and deceiving though. I am personally very open person and don't mind opening my history and bio-data to perspective along with job, salary with documentation!...
Zk you make sense. Chances are people tend to be more honest if they advance towards each other without this binding impression of talking to their to be. An impression made already makes one very careful and defensive about their future life and partner. But it doesnt really work that well too, in all the cases. If someone is dishonest, or simply doesnt choose to share his past life and events with you, you cant have it come out of him either way. The best policy however is to start respecting the freedom of the person in front of you to choose for themselves what and when do they decide to share.
Well then he should wait till he is more stable financially then. Khamkhwa apni ezzat ke saath kheltay hain..
**bilkul saHeeH kahaa...bhai, aise logoN kii izzat hii kahaaN hotii hai...even unkii apnii nazar meN...vo kamtarii kaa shikaar hote haiN.
dhoke kii shaadii ke ba'd jab saare raaz/bhed faash hote haiN to yehii kahnaa paRtaa hai k:
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