I was at a party recently where I was standing at the bar just watching the crowd enjoying my drink…totally normal Friday night…but it felt like that one particular moment was borrowed from a life or path that I had decided not to take in life… It was as if I was experiencing perhaps how my life would have been had I made different choices.. I think the best I can describe it is it was a moment of longing, a pure and simple lust for another reality with another guy.
Everyone knows that poem about two paths in the snow and I took the one less travelled…but in my case, I didnt take that path, I took the one with foot prints… Standing there at that party, I felt like I was experiencing the path I could have taken and maybe even should have taken. Am I making any sense??
Should I have taken that path? Yes. Did I take that path? No. Do I regret it? No. Am I happy? Yes. Then why the longing?? Why the feeling of comfort in imagining that alternative path… the weirdest part is..I have no guilt for feeling like this or even thinking of that other guy… I know I know in the typical ‘desi’ scenario I should be heaping the guilt on myself and just going out of my way to be a good wife to my husband…to make up for my thoughts…
But they are just that, thoughts…what I am wondering is…am I crazy for having no guilt, and allowing myself to experience this?
When you sign those papers you choose one path unfortunately...that comes with its ups and downs..goods and bads. Grass is always green on the other side..There is no guarantee that the second path would have given you every thing you have longed for. While making decisions, people always weight their pros and cons..Since you are happy now...obviously you made the right choice when you had to.
As for the guilt..there should be none...it's only human to long for things you don't have...and it's only mature to disregard such distractions.
*Sounds as if you need a change. Not
from your spouse but from the routines attached to the life you're
living with your spouse. Sometimes all a person needs is
some personal space. At times even two can be a crowd.
Take a step back and respect your own personal space as well
as that of your other half's. Also it seems something is running
your mind but you can't quite figure out what it is. Explore and see
what it is so that you may understand yourself better before it all
comes tumbling down. *