Re: So I got to thinking…
Marriage is about making compromises, but if the understanding develops and stays, then such compromises vanish and are taken as acts of love,respect and care for each other.
In Pakistani society, certain acts are expected from the daughter in law like cooking for everyone etc. but then again, Pakistani households cannot even progress without servants, so a DIL does have servant/s to assist her. Massaging in-laws etc is a thoughtful thing, it may not be expected but she can offer it. However, in villages I have seen Saas’s telling bahu to massage their feet,back etc.But in villages many many ways of living are different.
A wife can tell her husband about Islamic values without inviting trouble, its the way she conveys him is what counts. If the understanding is there, he will understand and both can look for a solution if she is getting uncomfortable about doing something.
If the wedding is a dhakka-start and there is no understanding, thats another story.
Recently, my wife’s mother came to live with us and one day my wife mentioned to me that her mother got tired today etc. i just said ok to my wife but went to my saas and offered to massage her legs/feet saying that i do it for my mom when she is tired and my saas almost sprang up from the sofa saying that how could she ask me to do it. Seeing that she has become uncomfortable, i didnt resist and send my mother’s maid to her.
I have also seen that bahu’s are given a tough time when there is some agenda in the mind of the saas against her, but anyways its the understanding between husband and wife that makes the marriage progress.