I think mine is. I had a a very turbulent childhood and still have trouble connecting with others. I wanted to hear from others who had a similiar experience
what are the worst things your narcisstic mother has done to you?
Mine made sure all my siblings hate each other. If she ever saw us getting close she would make up something false to make us fight and stop talking to each.
She took away my money when I needed it despite being very well to do herself. She never allowed me to have a credit or atm card. My salary would come in a joint account account with her from which she would give ‘spending money’ grudgingly
Throughout my childhood I had low confidence because she would tell me how fat and stupid I was.
When I got dumped for the first time after a very long relationship she gloated, saying my ex realized how bad I was and so luckily got out and escaped from being with me.
There are actually far too many things for me to recall
Where was your father in all of this?
mine was absent. When I was younger and would rebel against my mother’s unfairness he would say ‘you know how your mother is. just be quiet and do what she is saying. do not spoil the atmosphere in the house.’
other times he would join her.
Lately now that I am grown up he has admitted he always realized my mother had severe mental issues, He tried fixing her but could not do it. So he decided the only way was to comply in order to prevent his family from breaking. My father is a very meek sort of guy.
Were you a golden child?
I alternated between being a golden child. Us siblings were always fighting to be loved my mother. So we would always betray each others secrets to gain favor with my mother. My second sister was always ignored. On her wedding day my mom kept saying how beautiful I looked and how she was dissapointed the bride i.e. my sister did not look so lovely. However I was not always the golden child, she kept changing which child was the most favored at any one time.
When did you realize your mother was a narcissist?
I never realized this when I was a child. My mother kept saying all families are like ours. She prevented me from having friends by pointing out imaginary bad things my friends had done to me. She would say I am a good mother because I send you to school, I do not burn you when you misbehave. so and so burnt their children when they misbehave. she would frequnely light matches to scare me though. She would also tell me since I was very young never to tell anything about my family to anyone and to only trust her with my secrets
what impact does it have on you now?
I get severely depressed, I see the world from a skewed perspective, I have trouble relating to others.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
haha. not
I made this thread because looking at recent posts Narcisstic mothers may not be so uncommon. There are atleast two similiar posts on the front page. So I thought it could help people in similiar situations connect and heal. In our culture a lot of emphasis is placed on mothers. However some people are not fit to have children. How should one cope in such a situation whilst fullfilling their Islamic responsibility?
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
1.5k is 1500! she was paying you 8.5k more. What currency is that? Since you’ve mentioned Defence, I’d assume pkr!
I didnt had a mother like who was narcistic, but they are couple of them out there, mostly shaped by the cirucumstances they were born in, education they received.
Its quite common in Pak to see a lady well dressed, tip top makeup, heel sheel, maskara on eyes chatkhara on lips and next to them you see their kids who looked like they are their maid’s kids. Infact sometimes, those fatties even stand out of the whole lot, leaving behind their husbands too. #JahilAurtein](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=JahilAurtein)
There women have a big role in screwing up our country!
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
Saggi99- if you look at my previous posts, you will see the impact my mothers behaviour has had on me.
In real life I do come across confident, I am a happy person, I have countless blessings which I’m so grateful for but the damage a mother can do to their child is heartbreaking.
The worst things my mother did
when my cousin tried to rape me at 9 years old i confided in my mother. She turned a blind eye and although I managed to get out of the situation many times,my mother made me stay at his house on several occasions after.
I broke my shoulder blade when I was 8 and she never took me to the hospital. She told relatives I was lying to get out of housework. An aunt took me days later when they saw how much pain I was in.
physically beat me when sleeping ( on many occasions) for not cleaning/ ironing/ cooking properly during the day.
The school nurse convinced me to tell my mother about my eating disorder, I did. Her response. She smirked and said she already new. I still suffer with some elements of it today
What I would say is the narcassist parent will NEVER admit they are in the wrong. They have a skewed perception about their behaviour. They justify it saying they r doing it for the child’s own good.
My mother is disliked by all siblings although we r still very amicable and polite with her. She calls me every day and I have to see her once a week due to living in close proximity.
You asked where my father was… He was too busy expanding his business portfolio. My parents hd a volatile relationships. They have only stayed together to save face. My father raised his sons - my mother raised her daughters. So my father had limited input with my mothers upbringing of me.
Ironically, my mother always says that god will reward her for being such a good patient person. She honestly believes she has done no wrong to anyone ever. If I’ve dared raise my issues with her she turns it back on me saying I’m the one with problem and I’m like my father.
Saggi99- u mentioned ur mother keeping ur money. Yep, I’m familiar with that when I got my first job she said the money I earnt belonged to her as I was her daughter. She is extremely tight although she is blessed with being very wealthy. When I get Eid gifts she will still keep them. That reminds me , my whole childhood she rarely let me keep any toys as I had cousins younger than me who she would give them too. Not one or 2 years, my entire childhood!!
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
Sorry I meant PKR 150,000. However much k that is. It is not about the money though as I am happy to share with my family. It about trying to keep someone dependent on you.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
Babybird yes mine kept my Eidi too. Any Eidi we got we had to be handed over to her. I thought all parents took your eidi till I got older. When I was in fifth or sixth grade, I saw other kids buying things for themselves with their Eidi. Since by that time I understood I had been gifted quite a bit by numerous aunts, uncles I asked for it back and remember crying but never got it. Was punished by dad too for upsetting mom. Worse thing my mom is VERY well off by Pakistani standards.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
[RIGHT]
Why is all the emphasis on how much I am earning now or was earning while living at home? This is a post about narcisstic mothers. I think I shall be removing some of the details so people stay focused.[/RIGHT]
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
I don’t understand how a mother can treat her children like that. Its just… Mind boggling. Crazy. That’s not right at all. May Allah have mercy and pour His love and compassion on all children who have parents like this.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
My father is like the father of all narcissists!
-Doesnt let us mingle with relatives (not even his own) to keep us isolated.
-Never praises us. In facts always puts us down. So if you get a 9 out 10 on a test, he will ask why didnt you get full marks.
-Always praises the kids of his rishtedars, friends, our neighbors, every kutta bili like they are his own.
-He has multiple sources of income but is so stingy and acts like he has no money. (probably planning on taking them to the grave with him).
-He likes to keep a toxic environment at home.
-Our happiness is the cause of his unhappiness.
Needless to say, I hate him and he is the worst father ever and he has always been like this.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
sag,b-bird. I gave like as acknowledgement, not because I liked what happened.
The fact that you 2 can articulate such a personal experience with such clarity, tells that you have put things in right place. Sadness from those event is going to be with you for ever. But you wont be making decisions out of that place, where you were as a child.
You may even be better more compassionate person as result of how childhood happened.
Make your own babies and raise them well. To undo stuff. Kind of.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
I am very sorry to hear this.
My mother is just the opposite, she even leaves what’s rightfully hers. Never asks even for my help when she should, coz she doesn’t want to burden me.
Re: So how many of you think you may have a Narcisstic mother?
Although life moves on, I have a great partner and wonderful inlaws, part of me craves the love and approval of my mother. It’s a natural physiological need after all she carried me for 9 months.
Ive stopped trying so hard over the years, slowly people have distancedthemselves from her and I realise why. Being a narcassist means she s blind to her evil ways.
