Long Story:
About three years ago I went to Pakistan from Canada for a wedding. There I met my dad’s friends family who were also from Canada. The friends had a son a year older than me. As time passed I started to hang out with them more and more often. When we both came home, I kept in contact with the kids who live in a different city. The son and I became good friends. We continually emailed, and occasionally talked on the phone. Its now been almost three years since we met.
In his family, kids get engaged at a younger age and then marry later on. He was single so he got a rishta from his cousin and he emailed me saying that he would do whatever i said (accept or reject) and that if needed he would wait for me. I know that we are good friends but he took the whole relationship to another level. I am only 15 and not looking for marriage anytime soon! I told him that was a decision he would have to make himself. He rejected the rishta causing tension in is family. He is constantly sending me emails that are very deep and I feel awkward. He constantly talks about the future and how its going to be (it makes me worried because to me the future is an unsure thing). Later i stopped talking to him and his friend (who is also good friends with me) because I found out that they were competing to get my affection (they had an elaborate game set up with rules and the prize). I felt very mad and told them I didnt want to talk to them. Eventually i forgave him but not his friend. NOW he still talks about the future and says all this very sweet stuff but the problem is he is soooo dedicated while I feel that I can not commit myself to him. I am personally against dating so its either marriage or nothing. Again at the age of 15 marriage is not on my list but I dont know what to do. The only solution I could see was to tell him that he should just leave me alone. He is still emailing me and also my friend so she can pass on messages. I really like him but just dont want to commit to anything other than friendship at this age.
oh dont you think you shuld have told him you donot see him as a romantic interest and it is upto him to make up his mind.and why do you talk to him even looking at it from a secular perspective if you find out a friend is interested in you and you do not return that interest, best thing to do is to distance yourself.
Ok so i thought I might make i clear:
-that he is only 16 so its not like he sholud be getting married anytime soon....
-he is not harassing me---he is a nice guy adn has never done anything mean to me but he just takes our friendship to a very different level
-i can not change my number because that is way too complicated
- the things i m most worried about is that IF for some reason i do decide to tell him that he should wait for me or that we should get married.. what happens if it doesnt work out that way?...
-distancing myself in the past with him hasnt really worked he then decides to email me and apologize and the problem is he IS a nice guy and i dont want to hurt him.... but he doesnt seem to understand that I hav no idea about the future even though i have told him that
If I were you I might have intentionally done few stupid things to make myself look unattractive to him.
For example.
If he called, I would speak in a manly voice, share the cheapest of the jokes, sending weird e-mails, and doing other things that convinces him that I have become a psycho....etc. In that case I haven't hurt him and at the same time it is his own choice to run away from me. (save himself from me)
On a serious note, just concentrate on studies and don't take any step that gives an impression that you are interested in him. You have to be very careful. In short, for the benefit of your future you have to learn to say "NO!!!" because if he doesn't understand your straight forward request, then he is going to become a headache for you, which is not good for your studies.
I honestly don't understand how you want us to help you out. You're asking us to help you out by coming up with a genious sentence that you can say to him - that'll magically solve the problems.
If he doesn't understand that you "have no idea about your future" then what can anyone do about it? Well, what about you? You understand what you want right? You don't want to promise him anything because you're young and unsure. You also want to keep in touch with him without having him talk about marriage (which isn't likely). So it's not that hard to think about what you should do next.
15, 16.. whats the legal age for marriage in Canada?? just wondering!!
honestly, both of you are too young for this crap..It's the time to decide what college to get in and for what degree to go for instead of marriage and all that.. you have a life ahead of you to deal with such things.. tell him politely that you want to concentrate on school for now and we can talk about "future together" once we have graduate from college.. until then keep the friendship decent and ultimately if you guys are together after 5-6 years, understand each other well, and would like to share the rest of your life with each other.. go ahead and get married!!!
^^^ "Applicants for a marriage license under 18 years of age but over the age of 16 need to have parental or court consent. If an applicant is under 16, a marriage licensed will be issued only with the court's consent."
15, 16.. whats the legal age for marriage in Canada?? just wondering!!
honestly, both of you are too young for this crap..It's the time to decide what college to get in and for what degree to go for instead of marriage and all that.. you have a life ahead of you to deal with such things.. tell him politely that you want to concentrate on school for now and we can talk about "future together" once we have graduate from college.. until then keep the friendship decent and ultimately if you guys are together after 5-6 years, understand each other well, and would like to share the rest of your life with each other.. go ahead and get married!!!
I agree with you completely..the legal marriage age is 18 here in canada.... the thing is i would rather have an arranged marriage adn i dont want him to get upset or whatever... hes always talking about marriage when i just wanna pass grade 11!!! i have told him many times that we should just be friends and it works for while but then he goes down the same road towards the future... but i guess i should tell him that like i would consider it later in life.... hmm thanks for your suggestion
tell him u aint gonna consider marriage or anything of the sort for at least the next 10 years (that should fix things i think) and if he doesnt stop with the relationship talk u'll stop talknig to him altogether
Long Story:
I found out that they were competing to get my affection (they had an elaborate game set up with rules and the prize).
I feel that I can not commit myself to him. I am personally against dating so its either marriage or nothing. Again at the age of 15 marriage is not on my list but I dont know what to do. **The only solution I could see was to tell him that he should just leave me alone. **
He is still emailing me and also my friend so she can pass on messages. I really like him but just dont want to commit to anything other than friendship at this age.
How do I tell him? What should I do?
u already have the solution dear! NEVER COMMIT.. tell ur freind to refrain from passing his msgz to u othrwise u vl breakup with her.. from ur post u seem to be a very sensible and mature girl and u know what to do.. just do it!
baata jee thanks 1000 times to Allah that u r in canada … otherwise one from Abba jaan or ammi jee or sis or bro or friend would have fixed the whole affair … and yes its media that is influcening young minds like ur’s and hormones going nuts.
I think you are pretty mature for 15! If you don't belive in dating there is no reason to take it further. The only thing that happens at that age is dating, yes some people get engaged and married to people they met at that age but usually not. Generally you should probably concentrate on going to school and doing those things. Let him know that you don't belvie in dating and marriage is out of the question at this age so you'll talk to him about the future when the future comes at this you'll be just friends.
If he can't respect the 'just friends' status then you need to cut ties.
NOW he still talks about the future and says all this very sweet stuff but the problem is he is soooo dedicated while I feel that I can not commit myself to him.
How do I tell him? What should I do?
Gosh, how dedicated a 16-year-old could be???? Tell him, at this age the only thing you could be dedicated to is Barbie dolls or maybe webkins.
Kids are trying to grow in leaps these days. Please tell him NOT to grow up and NOT to act like a man, atleast not at sixteen please.
Or ask him if he can provide you with a 500k+ house, and find a decent job at some Forbes top 100 company, you sure will marry him the next morning. This farmaish of yours will definitely make him scream and run away holding his Pull Ups.
mahiya do you think you are a bit confused about your own feelings about him? i mean if you cant even bear the idea of him getting hurt by your putting a distance between each otehr than you are caring a tad bit too much. my suggestion would be that you are on right track, you are too young ,there is much in life that you havent seen so tell him rather directly that you are uncomfortable with the way he is taking things and he needs some time so that he actually understands it. If after a while he gets back to you and you are stil unsure just cool off a bit.
you’re 15, ignore em, and enjoy being a kid while you’re still one…
from Abba jaan or ammi jee or sis or bro or friend would have fixed the whole affair … and yes its media that is influcening young minds like ur’s and hormones going nuts.