Hey everyone hope everyone is doing well. im so confused don’t even know where to start from well as i mentioned in my posts earlier what issues i was having with my husband and mainly it had something to do with him being busy with travel and work also i was going through depression which i took care off by getting professional help and im still taking medication and regular sessions, things seemed much better and my husband i felt realized that i need time which made our relation much much better Mashallah, but recently like from the past 3 weeks it seems as if everything is back to square one and i feel as if im tired of coping up with it as for e.g 3 weeks ago he was in Dubai so i was calling him for 3 days but no response at all then i stopped calling thinking let him get free or whatever and get back himself …well he called me on the 4th day and said what sort of a wife are u!!!u dont even know what im doing how i am and bla bla bla so i veryyy calmly said huni i thought u were busy i had been calling u but u never answered my calls so i thought ok when he gets free he will get back to me. so he said hmmm so what else i said i came to the Karachi as my cousin had a baby and guess what he said well you didn’t even bother telling me i explained but very sternly he said atleast inform me..i mean when i call he is busy what am i supposed to do :(.
then he came home and it seems as if i don’t exist i mean all the time its either a meeting a work related dinner or over the phone discussing work. i thought its better i stay quite so did that but inside i felt so alone and the whole depression is coming back. last week he just came home and said lets go out for dinner just you and me lets spend time together i dressed up we went out and things were fine he said you know today it you look as beautiful as you looked the day we got married i felt OK let me forget about whats been going on and was all happy suddenly he gets a call and for 2 hrs non stop he was sitting in front of me talking about work over the phone i felt as if i came to the restaurant alone i had dinner and till we got home he was discussing work on the phone..as soon as he got done he said oh btw its Saturday tomorrow lets go to the farm house and spend the weekend there its been months since we went there to relax i was like ok shall i do the arrangements well he said yes we are leaving tomorrow afternoon for sure and suddenly all he did was woke up in the morning and said guess what the deal i was working on has finally gotten through im soo happy and bla bla bla i said oh wow Mashallah thats amazing i said ok but are we leaving after lunch or what he was like hmmm wait i have a meeting with a few men who made it possible as we need to start ASAP i said OK let me know then and since morning i was waiting for him and no calls no texts no nothing till evening i called he didn’t answer i text ed he just said BRB and then he just texts me luv im in Karachi as it was urgent…i mean what the hell ..
i totally know work is important and all but i am a human being and seriously i have been crying till now i feel so rejected as if i don’t have any importance i feel insulted i mean this house my life feels so incomplete i compromise i am getting treated just coz i thought i love him and i want this marriage to work but seems like he is just not interested and im just like the decoration pieces in this house..you all are like family to me as-well here on GS as i always write about my issues here seriously i feel like just putting an end to this life i cant leave him as i love him and i cant go on like this also talking about things to him is just like making a fool out ov myself as he says rather then being upset you should thank Allah that he gave you such a loving husband help me please
I seriously dont know wat to say to this! i guess he's just too occupied in work and hopefuly there is no other motive for this behavior.
u live alone?
i dnt want to say anything that mite make u think things which mite be very way off so i think married and experienced people better give their inputs.
I've read this twice and I don't know what to say to you. From your post, it doesn't seem that you're having any arguments. He is just seriously neglecting you. But at the same time, it does seem like he has the intention of spending time with you or showing you that he cares... the questions is, why doesn't he follow through.
Now, I don't know how you can raise these issues without making him angry (I don't know his character) and potentially making him move even further away from you. If you think you can talk about how lonely and let down you have felt, and that he will listen calmly, then do it. You don't have to do it in an accusatory way. Explain that you understand how important his work is and that he's doing it for the family but that you feel like you don't get quality time because it always comes in the way. Perhaps try to convince him that you guys should agree on one night a week that he has to spend with you, no excuses and no phone. I'm sure your baby misses its father too, so mention that as well.
Alternatively, you can start taking the initiative. Cook something nice everyday for dinner and dress up. Message him that you have made a special dinner for him and you'd really like it if he'd come home. It's risky because he might not, but then you have to be strong. Do it again the next day and the next until he comes home and sees the effort you are putting in.
I think you have to take some steps first to sorting this out rather than guessing that he is not interested in you or the marriage any more.
I seriously feel you need a break. Have your husband out of your focus now and take interest in other things. Do some short courses about home decorating etc and get busy. Dot be mad at your husband. Maybe one you are busy too, your husband will get a hint at how no attention from your spouse means.
He is succeeding in his career, so you need to find something for yourself where you are ALSO succeeding. Don't wait around for him so much, since you can do a lot of meaningful things to improve your own life. He always has something to do, therefore, you need to also occupy yourself with work, hobbies to fill your time instead of just waiting for him.
Let him enjoy his work ( you don't want to be the nagging wife) and you find something useful to do with your life. Within days you'll see how fast you feel better, because you are doing something on your own, rather than depending on your husband all the time. And soon when he realizes you're not always there when he's free, he'll want you even more and he will MAKE time just for you; right now he doesn't have to make time, you're always there and free.
As much as I'm a romantic at heart and love to spend time with my SO, I think both partners should have something solid in their OWN lives so they're not always nagging each other for attention.
He's not purposely ignoring you, he's working, so that he can make money and put food on the table for you!
I'm not saying you're on the wrong either, obviously you get lonely at home, but I do think you're too dependent on him. If I was you I'd get a job or do some voluntary work or get some friends so that you don't constantly need attention from him. I do however think he was in the wrong for getting angry at you for going to Karachi, I don't know the whole story here but it sounds like you don't have great communication, maybe work on that and hopefully you'll be a lot happier :)
Okay I know this happens a lot in relations when hubbys get all busy busy but seriously, first of all dont let urself fall in this depressions. Secondly, ur whole world should STOP revolving around him. Do activities of ur own, get a job or something. One of the major reason for depression is having too much time in ur hands.
It does show in ur post that he doesnt want to neglect you but somehow he gets piled up with work n stuff. dont u have friends or relatives that you can visit or hang out with? Who you can talk to or who can advice u in a better manner because they wod know u and husband well enuff then us here?
Stop jumping to conclusions of leaving him etc etc, hopefully this phase will pass on soon. If you think you can talk to him about this? then do that.
Let us know what u are planning to do okay. We are looking forward to ur reply!
mehroze , I am millions of women will love to switch places with you. Be thankfull to Allah for giving you such a loving , caring and hard working husband. Once his career and business is all set up in next few years you will enjoy it much more.
well as i mentioned in my posts earlier what issues i was having with my husband and mainly it had something to do with him being busy with travel and work also i was going through depression which i took care off by getting professional help and im still taking medication and regular sessions, things seemed much better and my husband i felt realized that i need time which made our relation much much better Mashallah, but recently like from the past 3 weeks it seems as if everything is back to square one and i feel as if im tired of coping up with it as for e.g 3 weeks ago he was in Dubai so i was calling him for 3 days but no response at all then i stopped calling thinking let him get free or whatever and get back himself …well he called me on the 4th day and said what sort of a wife are u!!!u dont even know what im doing how i am and bla bla bla so i veryyy calmly said huni i thought u were busy i had been calling u but u never answered my calls so i thought ok when he gets free he will get back to me. so he said hmmm so what else i said i came to the Karachi as my cousin had a baby and guess what he said well you didn’t even bother telling me i explained but very sternly he said atleast inform me..i mean when i call he is busy what am i supposed to do :(.