Hey there Exodus. Chiro visits stopped more than 2 months ago. I took the physical therapy route. It took time but last week my therapist gave me the Go to start working out again. Can’t wait to get back on track now. Thank you though.
As far as your response is concerned thank you for taking my post literally. As mentioned before I do know someone who had to do a “Halala” for the “sake” of her children. Its refreshing to hear that all Desi men are not as judgemental.
Personally, no I wouldn't think well of a woman who marries another man so she can reconcile with the first husband. It doesn't matter that the second husband knows that it will be a short-term marriage or the woman was coerced. Once divorced, the woman does have choices and to fall back on "But my family forced me into it" lament - guess what, Allah didn't force her to do it and she does have a choice.
To me, the wife and both of her husbands are not deserving of respect when they try to "trick" God. Allah knows their neeyat, so why do any of them think it's okay to "pull one over" so that they are not technically sinning. The sin remains.
Sweetmoi in Islam there is no such thing as "Halala" it is indeed a Desi concept invented by our corrupt scholars & yes I am going to say some of them are corrupt to help divorced people get back together. But it does happen, hence my post. In the light of my thread I have already described the difference between a proper Halala vs a non proper Halala in my above post. Either way I want to know what people think of Desi women that do it. If you come across a regular woman who is otherwise a practicing Muslim (maybe not knowledgeable but otherwise a Namaz/Roza/Zakat observant) but circumstances in her life led her to do a "Halala" will you look at her differently?
Disturbing is a very small word. I know someone who did a planned "Halala" hence this thread. My judgement of that person hasn't changed much but wanted to hear from people here.
I think I just got confused with the word "proper" in your first post :)
^Suppose the the couple isn't aware of the fact that "Halalas" are not "Jaez" in Islam. Most Desi people don't have much knowledge on this subject & don't know much better especially back home.
Also a divorced woman in our culture unfortunately almost always does not have much choice especially if she carries the baggage of children with her. Its a bitter truth Sehrish but I know a lot of woman who despite being emotionally abused by their husbands stick with them because they know that society or at times if there are no parents alive, their brothers or sister in laws wouldn't welcome them or their children with open arms.
In that case if a woman does this ( I am tired of using the word Halala so many times) & again according to her or her ex husband's knowledge it is allowed in Islam, will you still not respect her? I personally would never be able to respect the ex husband because why did he even divorce her in the first place but women that go through it, do they lose their respect?
^Suppose the the couple isn't aware of the fact that "Halalas" are not "Jaez" in Islam. Most Desi people don't have much knowledge on this subject & don't know much better especially back home.
Also a divorced woman in our culture unfortunately almost always does not have much choice especially if she carries the baggage of children with her. Its a bitter truth Sehrish but I know a lot of woman who despite being emotionally abused by their husbands stick with them because they know that society or at times if there are no parents alive, their brothers or sister in laws wouldn't welcome them or their children with open arms.
In that case if a woman does this ( I am tired of using the word Halala so many times) & again according to her or her ex husband's knowledge it is allowed in Islam, will you still not respect her? I personally would never be able to respect the ex husband because why did he even divorce her in the first place but women that go through it, do they lose their respect?
We all act accrding to our own moral compass - and while it isn't my place to judge her, I do choose who has my respect according to what I value. The same way others look at me and are critical of me, the actions of others and my perception of those actions forms the basis of my opinion of them. I don't know what this woman has been through and why she acted as she did and decided what she did, ultimately that's between her and Allah.
My opinion is that her actions are not respect-worthy. I do have a strong opinion about her actions.
As to her as a person, I would be cautious around her and until I knew her better, I'd reserve my opinion. But the unfortunate thing is, often we avoid people based on what we do know and don't give ourselves the opportunity to change our opinion or first impression about them.
Let's say you know a woman is living out of wedlock with a guy. In your mind the action is a knowing sin and while the person might be a good person, because ofthe one action you know about them - an action you disagree with according to your values, you will probably avoid that person.
& what if you come across a girl/woman whom you eventually become friends with & then one day she shares something like this with you.
You know her as an otherwise good person but now you find out that she has done what she has done. Will that change your views of her? or will you still be friends?
It's tough to speculate on a hypothetical. But what I will say is: the woman shouldn't share her deeds and misdeeds with anyone else - it's between her and Allah (swt). She only needs to answer to Him, so why burden a friend with unnecessary information?
:) you are right about the first bit. In her mind she hasn't committed a sin since again she wasn't aware of the proper Islamic perspective. Not sure about burdening since most of the times friends are with whom you share things.
Where are the wise people of GS? The oldies. I need your views on this.
Pir jee the city you live in does unfortunately have "Muftis" providing "Halala Services" & that too with the "consent" of their wives. Even mocking it won't make your post amusing as you think it sounds. Its a sad disgusting creation of the so called South Asian Pirs & Muftis.
well in that case those muftis are as much idiots as their followers who dont bother to think on their own and to look for information from multiple sources..
it is indeed a disgusting idiotic interpretation by supposed scholars, just like rulings on muttah and misyar which fundamentally goes against the very essence of the faith as i see it. There are no limits to the idiocy of 'scholars' ...one of the saudi ones recently suggested that the issues of workplace namehrams can be solved by the woman breastfeeding her coworkers.
so where does this lead us? back to personal responsibility...no pir, mufti, shaikh, imam, maulvi, mullah is god's subcontractor and has a distributorship of islam.
as far as the post being amusing, it is actually just as amusing as I think it is :)
& what if you come across a girl/woman whom you eventually become friends with & then one day she shares something like this with you.
You know her as an otherwise good person but now you find out that she has done what she has done. Will that change your views of her? or will you still be friends?
:) you are right about the first bit. In her mind she hasn't committed a sin since again she wasn't aware of the proper Islamic perspective
her sins...committed knowingly or unknowingly are her business and only she has to answer to god, what I would expect of someone is that once they realize that they did something wrong because of lack of knowledge, that in future they would try to do some fact finding before major decisions..if they dont and they continue to use the reason of lack of knowledge to continue to make incorrect choices or claim that 'circumstances' led them to make incorrect choices then the issue with friendship would be one less based on religion but based on being too close to someone who has bad judgement and can not take personal responsibility. not a very good combo.
& what if you come across a girl/woman whom you eventually become friends with & then one day she shares something like this with you.
You know her as an otherwise good person but now you find out that she has done what she has done. Will that change your views of her? or will you still be friends?
So how is that any different from you distancing yourself from the couple that watches porn in secret.....aren't they otherwise good people doing something that goes against your beliefs (just like halala isn't Islamic and/or living with someone out of wedlock)?
Let's say you know a woman is living out of wedlock with a guy. In your mind the action is a knowing sin and while the person might be a good person, because ofthe one action you know about them - an action you disagree with according to your values, you will probably avoid that person.
Don't know how I missed this yesterday. One does not have to be a religious person to know that a woman or even a man living out of wedlock with someone is considered a sin in almost all religions where as a woman doing a "Halala" is something that at least Muslims descending from South Asia don't have proper knowledge about.
Its a complex issue among most Desi people, just like how we have the Zabihah Halal vs Halal debate or some other issues where people take different interpretation of the same religion based on the scholars they follow or the way they think. For some eating that Mcd's Big Mac is as Haram as drinking alcohol or living with someone out of wedlock.
I completely agree with you about the fact that if in your views you do not look eye to eye on certain things with some people or their moral values don't match with your's you keep your distance with them. That's the sane thing to do.
But what I still haven't understood & thank you for even discussing this (its always a learning experience to know other people's perspective)
What will anyone's initial reaction be once they find out that the woman they are talking to has/had done a "Halala" in the past?
So how is that any different from you distancing yourself from the couple that watches porn in secret.....aren't they otherwise good people doing something that goes against your beliefs (just like halala isn't Islamic and/or living with someone out of wedlock)?
I am sorry but if a recently married couple needs to watch porn to get aroused & THEN get in the act, they are most probably suffering from some serious psychological issues. I would rather not get into the details of why its sounds scary to me.
Me distancing my self from woman was not the fact that she was watching porn with her husband (hell who am I to judge, for all I know I might be committing bigger sins) It was the fact that she was talking to a then single girl & mind you that was our fourth meeting. Call me naive but back then I did not need to know that things like cucumber or hair brushes have more than one use (mods can edit my post if they want to) Neither did I need to know how good doing "it" feels. I might not be the most samajhdaar of people in my late teens or early twenty's but someone coercing me into trying things with my fiance. I'll rather keep my distance.
You haven't met the couple in question so how can you assume that they are an otherwise "Parhezi" couple.
If you have read through all my replies you would know what I meant by a "Halala" in my thread & the fact that most women in our culture still don't know that there is no such thing as "Halala" in Islam. Living out of wedlock is a completely different topic.
As X2 said knowing & doing something willingly vs not knowing & realizing you have committed a sin are things that are between that person & Allah.
I am sorry but if a recently married couple needs to watch porn to get aroused & THEN get in the act, they are most probably suffering from some serious psychological issues. I would rather not get into the details of why its sounds scary to me.
Me distancing my self from woman was not the fact that she was watching porn with her husband (hell who am I to judge, for all I know I might be committing bigger sins) It was the fact that she was talking to a then single girl & mind you that was our fourth meeting. Call me naive but back then I did not need to know that things like cucumber or hair brushes have more than one use (mods can edit my post if they want to)** Neither did I need to know how good doing "it" feels**. I might not be the most samajhdaar of people in my late teens or early twenty's but someone coercing me into trying things with my fiance. I'll rather keep my distance.
You haven't met the couple in question so how can you assume that they are an otherwise "Parhezi" couple.
If you have read through all my replies you would know what I meant by a "Halala" in my thread & the fact that most women in our culture still don't know that there is no such thing as "Halala" in Islam. Living out of wedlock is a completely different topic.
As X2 said knowing & doing something willingly vs not knowing & realizing you have committed a sin are things that are between that person & Allah.
What would your reaction be?
U have met some interesting ppl.
On the side note, u didnt even know that cucumber can be used for (1) salad and (2) makeup ? thats more than one use rite there.
I am sorry but if a recently married couple needs to watch porn to get aroused & THEN get in the act, they are most probably suffering from some serious psychological issues. I would rather not get into the details of why its sounds scary to me.
Me distancing my self from woman was not the fact that she was watching porn with her husband (hell who am I to judge, for all I know I might be committing bigger sins) It was the fact that she was talking to a then single girl & mind you that was our fourth meeting. Call me naive but back then I did not need to know that things like cucumber or hair brushes have more than one use (mods can edit my post if they want to) Neither did I need to know how good doing "it" feels. I might not be the most samajhdaar of people in my late teens or early twenty's but someone coercing me into trying things with my fiance. I'll rather keep my distance.
You haven't met the couple in question so how can you assume that they are an otherwise "Parhezi" couple.
If you have read through all my replies you would know what I meant by a "Halala" in my thread & the fact that most women in our culture still don't know that there is no such thing as "Halala" in Islam. Living out of wedlock is a completely different topic.
As X2 said knowing & doing something willingly vs not knowing & realizing you have committed a sin are things that are between that person & Allah.
What would your reaction be?
Oh dear that is.....very strange and i don't blame you in that case.