So my mamu and mumani in UK are pretty smart people. When their son was getting married, as a gift, they made a down payment for a house on the next street so he and his wife could start their lives out in their own home. Many people criticized them that they should expect their bahu to live with them and all that but my aunt said that she prefers that they live separately so there are never any issues between them, that they both have their space because my aunt set up her home the way she likes it and her bahu would also like to do her own thing as every girl dreams of that.
Many years have passed and they are the happiest family. The bahu is over like all day helping MIL around the home, they go shopping together, share their lives but have the independence of "running " their own homes.
But yeah, they could afford that and were able to carry it out. Sometimes, living together works out as well and sometimes living far apart doesn’t work out either. Every situation is different.
However, I think if I had a son, I would do the same as my aunt did.
That sounds like a wonderful idea. and sounds alot like my MIL....thats exactly what her POV is too...we have sucha good relationship mA. My brother-in-law is getting married soon too..and my mother has no problem with him moving out as soon as he gets married...she actually wants him to move out.
That would be an ideal situation. They lucked out. However it isn't always so peachy. I know 1st hand, where despite the Bahu being in a seperate home, and no interference from the MIL at all, or at least very little......she still has major attitude, disrespect...etc....issues. Just completely wants the son to cut any ties to his mother, BUT she let's her own mother meddle so much in her affairs, and her own mother will be moving in with them soon. She also allows her parents to say/do a lot of stuff to her hubby....etc....
I think people need to find balance, and just some common sense.
I strongly agree that a married couple should live on their own after marriage. Living closely with a family that you haven't grown up living with is very likely to create tensions.
I agree with you. It’s a best thing. Bajaay iskay kay saath rah kar na ittefaqi ho aur muhabbat khatm ho jaay door rah kar mohabbat baqi rahay.
I love this idea. As my father use to tell us a story of someone who did this to all his son and said to all that you are all invited to our house on a chutti day each week to have lunch and dinner with us. They all use to love each other a lot. At that time I liked that idea a lot. At least we have to have a son to do that.
Laikin jo loag achchay hotay hain wo saath rah kar bhi achchay hotay hain aur jo achchay naheen hotay wo door rah kar bhi achchay naheen hotay. Un kay liaay kuch bhi kar lia jaay farq naheen parta.
Jo achchay loag hon gay wo hi bahoo kay liaay ghar saja kar dain gay warna ziada tar to hotay huway bhi detay naheen balkay bahoo say hi lootnay ko har waqt tayyar rahtay hain.
I would say jin jin ka beta hai unko yayhi karna chahyay.
That would be an ideal situation. They lucked out. However it isn't always so peachy. I know 1st hand, where despite the Bahu being in a seperate home, and no interference from the MIL at all, or at least very little......she still has major attitude, disrespect...etc....issues. Just completely wants the son to cut any ties to his mother, BUT she let's her own mother meddle so much in her affairs, and her own mother will be moving in with them soon. She also allows her parents to say/do a lot of stuff to her hubby....etc....
I think people need to find balance, and just some common sense.
LOL I can understand that. Don't mind it but sounds like girl belong from bhookay nungay gharna.
A girl belong from bhookay nungay gharana doo this. She has to fill up her families empty stomach and mouth.
I saw a girl who is using his husband and husbands brother money to get educatiion for his brothers buying houses for her parents giving money to do everything.
To not to offend any girl on gs who might belong to bhookay nungay family I SAY THAT.
MOST OR SOME GIRLS FROM BHOOKAY NUNGAY FAMILY DO THIS.
aint no body stopping you from helping with a downpayment for your daughter's home either :p
Zabardast idea X2 that's what I have in my mind. Kay agar Allah itna day kay main beta ya beti jo ho ussay shadi pay tohfa ghar saja kar doon. Insha Allah.
Aap yay batao aap nain mera yay idea kub aur kaisay churaya. Mazaq.
Ideally it's the best solution but I think the credit doesn't go to independent house - it goes to the people that make relationships work.
Ghar mein jaga ho na ho - dilo mein jaga zaroor honi chahiyay.
Zabardast NJgal.
Waqai dil main jagah na ho to kuch naheen kia jaa sakta.
Meri chachi ka aik hi beta hai aur kai baitiaan. uski shadi kisi achchi larki say ki hai masha Allah pyari hai aur daikhnain main naik lugti hai. Main nain bus adhay ghuntay kay liaay hi daikha hai.
Chachi ki aik hi baho thi to ussay achchay say rakhna tha. Jaisa kay main nain apni phoophi say suna. I don't know Allah bahtar janta hai kitna such aur kitna jhoot hai per jaisi meri chachi hain us say lugta hai kay baat 100% such ho gi. Jaisa kay meri chachi sari zindagi meri walida kay peechay pari raheen.
Chachi nain apna ghar kiraaay pay laga dia aur aik beti kay ghar main upper reh rahi hain aur sub baitiaan daily aa jati hain aur sub mil kar meray cousin ki wife say larti hain wo phir ro ro kar meri phoophi ko phone karti hai kay yay sub mujh say lar raheen hain. Inko mana karain.
I can imagine the whole situation as I know all my cousin and chachi. As she use to fight with my mom out of nothing being jealous of our everything.
My cousin live in another country his wife live with his parents.
I think that is a great idea if one can afford to do so. They will have a lot more respect for each other this way. Especially since it was the guys parents who in essence made the son move out rather then the son leaving his parents on his own. What a lucky DIL mashAllah.
You know the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder”.
niki what cool mamu mumani u have. :k:
inshAllah if I can afford to do so…I would do the same for my kids.
All parents should live separately, even if it means living in an annexe next to the home or the house down the road.
Privacy is paramount and that is the thing that gets compromised the most when there is an extended family. I also want to run my home my way and whether its a mother in law or a daughter in law, the other party will also want the home to be run their way and that can be a big conflict.
At the end of the day, it is an individual thing. In my own mothers case, her health is not good and my sister in law is the one holding my brother back from getting his own place so that they can take care of her. I have a nice sister in law and I think ultimately the choice should remain with the daughter in law. And if she chooses to live separately, that choice shouldnt be frowned up by society.
