The first six months with a girl are always a breeze…completely stress fee…once you hit that magical six month mark then everything changes…
Suddenly all the issues that she has with you come out…i dont like you chatting to her…i dont like you doing this etc etc…things that were never mentioned initially because the girls didnt want to seem to be putting pressure on their man…
All im saying if you are with a man…then be direct about what you accept and what you dont accept from a relationship from the beginning…dont bring it up 6 months down the line…its not fair to be happy with something one day and then be totally against it the next…
Also screwing at us for things done during those 6 months when you said nothing is hardly fair either…you never mention anything because you dont want to offend us…whats the point?..dont front and pretend…if you dont like something say so…if you dont say something then dont screw at me about it afterwards…and please dont give me that nonsense about i should have known…you ask me to communicate so please give me the same respect and reciprocate…
All im asking you ladies is why cant you be clear from the beginning?..why front the whole time…it dont benefit you or your partner…cos you are holding back on things you have an issue with further upsetting yourself and your partner is settling into a certain way of doing things unaware of the fact that certain aspects might bother you…so all im asking is please gals if you got something to say then say it…and say it when you want to…not 6 months down the line…
I don't think that girls will put up wiht your crap for 6 months just to amke you miserable but rather maybe they get comfortable enough with you that they don't have to pretend and maintain a level of politeness (not the same thing as respect in this example)? Blah.. I dont know nothing.
Actually girls are like that....but i do agree its out of politeness and cuz they don't want to be pushy. Another thing is that if a guy is mature enough to be in a relationship he should know right from wrong and be more sensitive to certain issues.....esp with the obvious stuff...hanging out with the opposite gender, phone calls, etc.
Pyaari83...thank you for at least making an effort to understand where i am coming from rather than the standard attack is seem to get...
Obviously over time trust and comfort grows between the two of you...but its not like you didnt know each other before you got together...naturally you were comfortable with them and trusted them...thats why you got with them...you dont become exclusive immediately...it takes time...
So surely once together you should feel free to express yourself and your likes and dislikes...obviously there are obvious things not to do but then there are not so obvious things that you get in trouble for...and the thing is you dont get in trouble for them when you do them...you get in trouble when she finally feels its ok to vent her anger at all the wrong things you have been doing over the last 6 months...you see how that can be annoying for a guy?...being judged for something i didnt even know was distressing you...
Contrary to what Sadiyah says...men tend to be a bit more clear about what they deem acceptable from the outset...im not saying all...but hey men tend not to hold back if the gal is doing something they arent comfortable with...and you tend to be aware of our boundaries during the whole courting process anyway so you tend to know the deal...gals just feel they need to hold back cos they dont want to piss you off...
All im saying its more annoying not saying anything than saying something...
couple these situations with the secret language of women - and you are confronted with the greatest mysteries of the universe.
Even being patient and logical to the farthest extent doesnt alter them an iota - thats when chocolates, flowers and resturants are inserted into the problem.
NBN: Girls purposely don't try to be that way....thats just the way some girls are....and we don't do it to hurt u more. Girls intentions are clean, but when we do blurt all the crap that a guy does 6 months later it may seem harsh but its just that a girl can only take so much. If u r having this problem then go talk to her. Tell her that u would like it a lot more if she just tell u everything she felt....and u need to give her the security that ur not going to leave her if she offends u.....or u won't feel bad abt it. Just tell her u might get mad for a day or something, but its better for both of u in the long run.
NN- that was poetic. seriously, ur absolutely rite and a gal who pulls this..has 2 issues. 1. she lacks confidence (in herself and the relationship). 2. immaturity
when she’s confident enuf she’ll discuss everything from day one. if she’s not…she’ll buy time and then pull things out of her nagging bag…say 6mo later. a mature gal will know that if she wants things to “work out” then communication has to be the key…hence being upfront…from day numero uno:blush:
Currupt Angel...read the post again then maybe you will understand what its about...
PCG...Why do you get annoyed so easily...chill...
Pyaari83...sorry i typed something wrong which iv corrected now...i didnt mean to say that girls did it deliberately...its more i understand that they dont want to offend you but that is always unproductive for both parties...now its like getting to know someone new which is annoying cos its almost the first six months are a lie if you get what i mean...
And Frontier Charm...thanks...and what you say is very true...a mature gal will communicate when she is unhappy...and a confident gal wont be scared to say to her partner that she thinks they are wrong if that is what they think...thank you for your words of wisdom...
At the end of a day if a girl communicates and says she is distressed at something and then he acts bad...then clearly hes not the right guy for you...we cant be compatible with everyone so be yourself...if you lose your man its for the best...if your relationship is built on effective communication from the start then it will go far...
u gotta also note that a lot of desi girls might not be confident.....and just cuz we are not confident does not mean we do not know how to carry on a relationship.....no one is perfect.....the only way to take care of any problem is to talk to the other person abt what problems you have with them.
Pyaari83...i understand your point...its just frustrating thats all...especially when you yourself are confident and express yourself freely...but obviously one needs to have understanding and be supportive of the fact that not everyone will be like that...
Obviously when you have met girls who are up front from the outset that becomes a benchmark for you...and its quite hard not to get annoyed...but i agree with you completely...it doesnt make these girls bad and neither does it render them incapable of a relationship...however if they continue not to communicate then i think that they are incapable of a relationship...
And PCG...sometimes you make good points and sometimes you make bad points...can you please explain what is meant by the above because lack of confidence and a desire not to be pushy for me is a worthwhile justification for not communicating for 6 months...can you please explain what you mean by waiting and watching cos i see no benefit to what you have raised and i think its one of the weaker points you have made...
You could have said all that in one sentence - max 2. You must have problems with essays with limited word numbers.
Its confidence, because any woman who is sure of herself and protective of herself, is not going to start getting excessively indulgent with the man she is with. So her likes/dislikes will come out slowly and steadily when SHE thinks you are ready to here them... i.e. you've stuck it out for 6 months without running away, so its likely you wont run away when she tells you she snores in her sleep and has a mole on her arse.
Intelligent, because they're gambling their game well. Its not about being pushy. Its about telling you flat out where she stands and what she can tolerate and what she can't tolerate. You can only do that with people who
respect you
care for you.
It takes time to build that. It doesn't happen in the first week you meet someone, no matter how deluded you are into thinking that it did. Because if she throws that out to you in the second week, you'll bail out. She knows that. Its harder for you to bail once an emotional connection has been made.
Now what girls don't realize is that guys can fake an emotional connection for a very long time, up until they get tired of you and want to go screw some other girl.
Firstly your point does not refer to a confident woman...its what iv been said i understand...a girl doesnt want to stress you cos shes scared of losing you...and ive stayed six months so im not running away...a confident woman isnt afraid of voicing her likes and dislikes and correcting her man cos her assumption is that hey we are together and i have certain rights over you and you over me so i will say something if i feel it violates this bond...your scenario suggests a girl who is scared of losing her man if she says what she feels...
Secondly...im not talking about getting with someone you dont know...
People dont become boyfriend/girlfriend after one meeting...Naturally you take that step when you feel that you have achieved a certain level of comfort and trust with that person...do you think people get together within days...its not like that...these things take time...you get to know the gal and work out whether she is someone you want to get with...so if you get with her...thats based on the assumption thjat you both like each other and want things to work out...and by this time you have achieved respect...and a certain degree of care...thats why you get together...a certain emotional attachment has been made...you're not single anymore...you're not seeing other girls...you're doing this for a reason arent you?...
I agree with you that you get more and more comfortable after time...my issue isnt with a girl telling me she snores...my issue is with a girl criticising certain things i do...for instance a female friend who she has never had a problem with...who she acts friendly with suddenly becoming an issue 6 months down the line...do you see my drift?...or having issues with me going out etc...
Now men on the other hand are quite happy to throw their weight around when they arent happy...why because we dont want to be unhappy...communication is the key and although girls talk about it a whole lot they tend to do less of it...
I understand your point but u think you misunderstood mine...im not delusional and my expectations are grounded...
Surely if you become exclusive you have decided that this person is someone you want to develop things with and you have decided that he is someone worth being with and not losing?...
But generally do you see where i am coming from?
seriously, ur absolutely rite and a gal who pulls this..has 2 issues. 1. she lacks confidence (in herself and the relationship). 2. immaturity