Situational/Personal/Seeking Advice Threads in Life1

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I’m still fairly new to GS, but something has been on my mind and I would like to discuss it and hopefully get some feedback. I’m not sure if this is a complaint but it is something that needs to be discussed IMO.

Yesterday, there was a thread made in Life and Relationships by someone writing about their cousin who got divorced and has serious issues. The poster asked if the cousin’s actions were normal and she wanted some advice. She called the cousin a psychopath based on whatever her personal experiences were which she did not elaborate on. She did not mention the cousin’s name or location. She can be in the North Pole or Timbaktu for all we know. Some of the replies brought up a point which has been on my mind- that the post was considered “defamation” of the cousin. Please, look at the thread to see for yourselves. I also recently made a thread about my roommate saying that she’s a cookie monster, a liar, steals, etc.- is this not defamation??! In that case, what about the threads about former rishtas becoming drug addicts, or bf/fiance/husband possibly looking at porn, relatives doing black magic… the list goes on and on. My point is that can’t the majority of the threads on Life1 be considered defamation?

I thought one of the benefits of GS is that everything is pretty much anonymous if you want it to be. If situational/personal/seeking advice threads are considered defamation, then I suggest the director and mods clarify that they should no longer be allowed. Don’t use this forum to discuss ANY problems. Go ahead and delete such threads. If such threads are not defamation and are allowed, then the posters should not insult the thread creators to the point where they feel like leaving this wonderful forum and I think the moderators need to delete posts that label the thread as defamation. Members need to think about all the threads that they have been reading that have been defaming unknown people all along. I hope I get some feedback on this. Thanks.

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I used to think there may be limits on what u can discuss on GS but then I saw women opening up threads about how to consummate their marriage and the first time I saw it, I was like "Nobody really wants to discuss these kinda issues here" and people just ate me for it, saying "she can ask whatever she wants"

So why couldn't we let that poor girl ask what she wanted?

I opened up a thread a while ago about a girl in my group in a college project who was just too much to put up with. Nobody mentioned defamation. Everyone answered my questions as normal.

so yeah soundarya I know what u mean...

And its not really a complaint, its just a thought provoking point.

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Definition of defamation:

(Source: Gatley on Libel and Slander):
"Defamation is committed when the defendant publishes to a third person words or matter containing an untrue imputation against the reputation of the claimant.

“Broadly speaking, if the publication is made in a permanent form or is broadcast or is part of a theatrical performance, it islibel; if it is in some transient form, it is slander.”
So unless, the identity of the subject of the post is identifiable and the comments against them are shown to be false - defamation would be difficult to prove.

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Most of the people on here don't reveal the identities of the individuals that they're venting about. It's anonymous. We don't know the poster. We don't know the people being talked about either.

Everyone is entitled to their views. I personally think that as long as things are kept anonymous....it's not really defamation. It would be hard for one to even "sue" for defamation when there's no guarantee who the post is about since names haven't been mentioned and many of the stories posted are BROAD enough to apply to a wide audience.

In the past, there have been a few posters who have criticized others of "backbiting" just because they created a thread about a conflict with someone. So many people on here, including Mods, will occasionally create threads seeking our opinion on something that their spouse, in-laws, coworker, neighbor, and relatives did. Should they all be put down for creating such threads where identities are anonymous?

And for those individuals who think that creating such a thread is "backbiting" or malicious.....what about the ones who are reading the threads? Let's for a second suppose that it is indeed considered backbiting. Wouldn't the one who is reading/listening ALSO be considered guilty....just as the one who is doing the talking? For example, you can blame the entertainment columnist for writing gossip about celebrities.........BUT..........aren't you the one reading it??????? You ALWAYS had the option not to read it, but you chose to read anyways.

The reader may come across thread titles such as "Monster-in-Law" or "Hellish Hubby" or "Narcissistic Friend"..............and these titles may capture your interest the way the title of a book might. You ALWAYS have the option of not reading the thread......after all, you don't even know the person who the thread is about and it's technically none of your business. BUT, once you allow yourself to read the thread.....in a way....it's not right to scold the thread creator for creating an anonymous thread. If you're so sensitive about people writing their complaints/frustrations/negative comments about others.......then don't bother reading it either.

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Re: Situational/Personal/Seeking Advice Threads in Life1

I'd like to bring to your attention why our mods are particulary vigilant in threads where a specific relationship has been mentioned and discussed to a point where if the person in question were to casually stumble upon that thread, they would find out it was about them.

Very often, I would say at least once a week if not more, a member starts a thread such as the one mentioned above, all in good faith and spirit hoping to get some valuable advice or at least some discussion. Sooner or later, they contact us to delete their thread which has reached 5-6 pages because either they did not like some of the criticisms or that one of their family members read the thread and the consequences weren't too bright.

So then we delete that thread. So what happens? Two other threads open up, some very private information is shared and soon we receive another bunch of requests asking for those threads to be deleted.

This happens more than you can even imagine. However, I don't think it is fair for the mods who are working here on a voluntary basis, some serving more than one or two forums, to entertain the whims and fancies of members who first start the fires themselves and then ask for the threads to be deleted. It is also not fair to members who spend their valuable time typing up post after post of advice only to find that one day that entire thread has disappeared.

So yes, please do post your personal questions, I do too. But post responsibly and be ready to handle and tolerate opinions of the vast diversity of people that are part of the membership. Also please understand that mods try to keep things running. It's not easy in forums such as Life1 where people are high in emotions and are out to get each other.

However, feel free to point out our shortcomings and allow us to respond. We try our best but by no means are perfect.

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Re: Situational/Personal/Seeking Advice Threads in Life1

Thank you all for your feedback. I hope there is more feedback as well from the other moderators and guppans. I just wanted to make a point to all of the guppans that pretty much everything can be considered defamation or as Magic 8 Ball mentioned, backbiting. Please, just stick to answering the questions and expressing your views in an appropriate manner, instead of derailing the topic and becoming lawyers all of a sudden calling something defamation. This then riles other users into agreeing with you, affecting the poster who has a genuine concern and wants advice. I understand that mods are busy but such posts should be deleted/edited since they are off topic. As Sehrysh pointed out, the posters have no clue as to the identity of the subject and have no idea if what is posted is false. Only the poster and the subject can verify that. This negative attitude- defamation/backbiting- discourages people from making threads to seek advice from the guppans who they see as intellects or wise. If someone says that their husband/wife is cheating on them or beating them- are we going to go off topic and say, “this is DEFAMATION” or “backbiting?” Please, be mature in your posts and answer the question/concern instead of derailing the thread or attacking the thread creator.

I completely agree that posters have a responsibility too. Posters should avoid quoting the relative/friend/enemy/whoever they are writing about. Have a really random username. Avoid mentioning names and locations. I am happy to know that you still encourage personal posts/questions, I just wish guppans were more welcome to this.

and

Thanks Magic 8 Ball and BarbieCue. That’s how it should be but in that specific thread I mentioned, people were not answering the general questions at the end of that post, instead more or less were harshly putting down the OP- I just didn’t get that behavior. You can have a harsh/negative answer to a question, but don’t attack the thread creator. Then it was derailed to defamation, then I decided to bring it up as an issue.

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Re: Situational/Personal/Seeking Advice Threads in Life1

:eek: Oh boy these posts are too long, can someone post and executive summary for me. Thanks in advance.
Sincerely yours
masala.