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Yes, exactly morality is a gender issue now . 
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So let's put it another way for you, queen: according to your logic, we can lie before marriage but then if we voluntarily come clear after marriage, it's not a trust issue? It should be rather appreciated?
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So let's put it another way for you, queen: according to your logic, we can lie before marriage but then if we voluntarily come clear after marriage, it's not a trust issue? It should be rather appreciated?
See, Its always better to clear issues before marriage BUT if it has happened, if it has been taken place, if you get to know something after marriage that you should have known before marriage, then it totally depends on the nature of the lie!!
The problem, that OP mentioned, is not a really huge issue to fight over. I say, he must wait and watch if she keeps coming to him and reveals a truth every other day........THEN it would be a problem!! For just ONE issue! dont make a big deal!! A marriage includes trust but it includes forgive and forget too, it includes understanding to, it includes compromises too!!
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A lie is a lie no matter how big or small or how it's discovered.
OP did mention the girl didn't want to lose the potential rishta therefore she purposely kept quiet about it and if OP wanted a wife with bachelor's he has a right to be upset.
As for leaving her because of this or something else, that's not for me to decide.
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Some people place a huge importance on having a degree when looking for a potential rishta. If that was the case here, then OP clearly has a right to be upset.
I think the person who has been lied to should be the bigger person and see beyond all of that. A person can hardly be determined by the qualification they possess. And anyways, we are taught to overlook such matters because piety should come well above everything else anyway.
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Some people place a huge importance on having a degree when looking for a potential rishta. If that was the case here, then OP clearly has a right to be upset.
I think the person who has been lied to should be the bigger person and see beyond all of that. A person can hardly be determined by the qualification they possess. And anyways, we are taught to overlook such matters because piety should come well above everything else anyway.
Iwas just about to comment it too!!
I agree to your entire post.
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This is not life & death issue. There are other issues in life to be worried about & life is not at all easy for some people out there. We all are human beings & weak ones, nobody is perfect. We are prone to mistakes. She lied out of majboori & she had her reasons.
There is this quote of Hazrat Umar RA that " qehat zada ilaaqay mein chor k haath nahi kaate jaate"
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From your post, I think its a Pakistani BA degree. Even if you are abroad, the Pakistani Embassy helps you give exams through the University of Punjab. Its not that big of a deal.
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All i am saying is..lieing in relationship is bad. However, if she came out clean admitting she lied that she didn't have a degree..what else are you going to do leave her?. I would say same..if the tables were turn the other way. Yes this would create some sort of trust issue between both of them.
I'll tell what i would do..first thing i would do is make sure no one finds out that she lied about degree. Period. Because a person looses self respect if he or she lies. If she realizes..she made a mistake..find out what you can do to make it better. After all.. we are suppose to be garment of each other aren't we..ya?
Yes OP..you do have right to be upset about it..and to add more as you said..she lied because didn't want to study...right?. Even then..what can you do? leave her?. If you are displease with one of thing of her....i am sure there are other qualities...in her ya might be pleased with. To make relationship work is very hard..and much harder is to maintain that relationship. I rest my case here. I wish you all the best OP.
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I think he should be more understanding of the situation, parents probably had a reason for lying. She can still obtain a degree now, it's not the end of the world. Should not be all judgemental and label her as "liar"or whatever, she probably had reasons for not being completely honest in the first place.Yes, what she did was wrong , however she realizes her mistake and lying once does not mean she'll lie about everything, that's not how it works and furthermore people change. If he really values the relationship,then he should not make a big deal out of this.
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What this man said. Trust is paramount in any relationship. Doesn’t change with ones gender and more importantly if you start off your entire marriage with a lie its built on shaky and fault ground and the foundation is not strong. It will raise doubts within both parties, is she lying to me? Why doesn’t he believe me when I am being honest? etc.
You should start off every relationship be it marriage, friendship or just dating on a fundamental basis of trust.
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If your in a situation that you got married to a girl who actually dint have a bachelors degree but before marriage her parents told you that she had one. The girl after marriage told you that she got failed in some subjects ( at the end of her bachelors ) & she dint continued to pass them coz of certain problems & situations she was in, which are reasonable to some extent for her at least. What do you think the guy should do in this particular sitaution ?
Support her if she wants to complete her education.
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The only reason people are defending this woman who lied about her education is because the other option is divorce. Is this issue big enough to leave someone? My answer is NO.
Has she broken your trust? Yes, of course. Absolutely. She has lied about something and needs to repair that trust but bear in mind she did tell you. Its not an excuse but it does show that she's trying to remedy the problem.
Your being hurt is understandable but you just got married - if you care for her and can see her as your wife for the rest of your life - try to forgive her.
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^:k:
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Of course lying is not a good thing and the husband obviously trusted his wife and the family when they said she had a degree but if she comes clean after marriage and has a reason for leaving her studies midway and the reason seems acceptable then I think the husband should be more understanding and help his wife complete her studies if she wants to. I mean its not like she didn't go uni at all or anything she can always complete her degree if she wants. So in my opinion I think the husband should understand her and support her as this isn't really a big issue to divorce her over she still told him the truth when she could've kept quiet about it.
I understand she broke the husbands trust and you should begin a relationship on the basis of trust but she made a mistake surely you can forgive her and give her another chance to regain your trust.
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The only reason people are defending this woman who lied about her education is *because the other option is divorce. * Is this issue big enough to leave someone? My answer is NO.
Has she broken your trust? Yes, of course. Absolutely. She has lied about something and needs to repair that trust but bear in mind she did tell you. Its not an excuse but it does show that she's trying to remedy the problem.
Your being hurt is understandable but you just got married - if you care for her and can see her as your wife for the rest of your life - try to forgive her.
At the risk of turning this into a 9-page thread, I'm curious where are you getting that from? OP and everyone else including has not said a word about divorce. S/He asked specifically what should s/he do in this situation. We are sharing our outrage and/or lack thereof on being misled in this situation - with an endnote that this isn't necessarily divorce-worthy but that it is still quite significant and shouldn't be swept under the rug.
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At the risk of turning this into a 9-page thread, I'm curious where are you getting that from? OP and everyone else including has not said a word about divorce. S/He asked specifically what should s/he do in this situation. We are sharing our outrage and/or lack thereof on being misled in this situation - with an endnote that this isn't necessarily divorce-worthy but that it is still quite significant and shouldn't be swept under the rug.
I am getting that from this thread. The problem is the deceit isn't it? And I do recognize it being a big issue by the way - lying is not something to be taken lightly. However, the solution can be only ONE of two things: either stay in this marriage and work through this or don't stay. If the OP decides to stay, he is doing so with the understanding that he will HAVE to forgive her at some point in order to sustain the marriage. If he does not forgive, the marriage will not survive. Besides, what will he do? Punish her? Give her a time out? You have to make a decision at some point don't you as to what is important? So these are your two choices.
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Maybe she wants to finish her education, therefore decided its best to tell the OP and then enroll in college.
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What the guy should do in this situation? Guy with million spelling mistakes worried about his girl's degree, aaaaawwww. You're kidding, right?
He should say, "honey, it's okay, I can't spell or write properly either."
And what is scarier is that this thread going on for **three **pages and no one pointing that out.
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Get over it....so she is not a ba pass....so what. Read other posts and ibrat hasil karo.