Sitting too close with cousins

[mzprincess88]

Re: Sitting too close with cousins

@Laiha

Last week a friend asked me something that had been bugging her. She has a lot of male and female cousins, all of whom are close in age. She is Afghan, married to a Pakistani guy. So even though her family is otherwise more liberal than her husband’s, when it comes to mingling with the opposite gender, her family frowns upon it whereas her husband’s family considers it normal.

Recently at a family event, she saw her husband sitting “too close” (by her definition*) to a female cousin of his. Her husband thinks of his cousin as his younger sister, and doesn’t see anything wrong with her putting an arm around him and taking a photo. However, back in the day, said cousin had a thing for him and when he refused her rishta, she took sleeping pills and stayed in the hospital for a month.

Long story short, my friend was pretty upset but her husband thinks she is overreacting and should have complete trust in him.

I thought it’s an interesting question because every family has a different dynamic and what’s considered normal in one might be a big no-no in another. I would like to get your views on how it is in your family and if you would be upset with your significant other freely mixing with family members of the opposite sex?

*(Too close = where their arms/legs could be touching)

Your friend is not over reacting. Her husband needs to take into account her feelings. One of my cousin’s had a thing for me years back (we are both married now) and we used to be super close. However, since we each got married we have kept a good distance, keeping it only to salaams to avoid hurting our respective spouse’s feelings. Likewise, my husband said no to a rishta from his chachu’s daughter and he stays away from her because he knows I am not comfortable with it. Besides, once married there is no reason to be so free with a member of the opposite gender (even if it is a cousin) because anything can happen. Your friend should sit down with her husband and explain exactly why she finds this bothersome and, if he has any respect for her feelings, he will hopefully adopt a more conservative approach towards said cousin.