I’ve two sisters,one of them is 18 yrs old and the other is 16.The thing is that, I’ve made them cautioned about it that, they shouldn’t unnecessarily chat with any strangers especially guys on the internet or in real life, because i feel my sisters are quite innocent types, and they don’t really understand people, so I don’t want this that they should fall into any trap, and later have any regrets.I’ve made them aware of everything by explaining things to them,and they had assured me that they don’t/wouldn’t go for anything like that.So I trusted them,and let them openly use the internet, or go out anywhere they like.But, recently, a couple of days before, by chance I saw some photos in the computer.These were photos of a guy, and there were written things like i love you,etc along with my 18 yrs old sister’s name.I was quite shocked seeing those.I didn’t react on it,instead I calmly asked both of my sisters regarding those photos, and they started telling me that they don’t even know about these photos.Now that’s fishy.So, after this, I’ve stopped them using the internet, but they come and plead before me to let them use it.What should I do?
Re: Sisters
^ I dont have a decent way to put it but you sound like a major pain in the arse. Respect people's privacy. Being 'innocent types' is one thing, being an independent individual and knowing your limits is another. One can tell others what is right and what is wrong, stalking them is rather insecure and disturbing on your part.
Re: Sisters
But they're my younger sisters, and Im their elder sister, so I do have this right,i believe.It's my duty to teach them what's right and what's wrong, and make them see it,isn't it?
Re: Sisters
Your duty is exactly to teach them what is right and what is wrong. Their duty is to follow the right path and avoid the wrong one. Implementing your teachings by force makes you a crazy taliban mulla. Stick to the teaching part and let the poor girls some breathing space. As long as they aren't into some really crazy stuff, let them be. If they are into really crazy stuff, convince them to change their behavior. You can never force someone into following what you believe is right.
Re: Sisters
While you have every right to protect your siblings, stopping them from using the internet will not be a permanent or long term solution. Where there is a will, there is a way. They still will find a way to use the internet.
You need to sit down and talk to them properly regarding this, highlight your concerns and fears. They probably feel as though you have broken their trust, which is also something you should contemplate.
Over protecting someone, anyone, can have negative consequences too.
Im with you on this one..I know how you feel..
its easy 2 say to respect their privacy and all that bull, but these r ur sisters...and i dont know how you feel..but with my younger sister I feel as if I should be there 2 support her and tell her whats wrong and right..God forbid she makes a mistake..then my parents are the ones who r going 2 be upset..so im totally with u..
but unfortunately its very hard 2 keep a tab on these youngsters these days and to what limit can u??
u just have 2 trust them and hope they keep themselves within limits....maybe give them 1 last warning and after this just say if u c anything again, whether its theirs or not..they cant use the computer..full stop...
This Internet is a very good thing if your using it for the right things but very very bad if your using it for bad things..
Im completely with you! People can only understand when they have been in this situation...
You could also install MSN chat recorders....i dont know where u can get them from..but only issue is...do you really want 2 go that far? I wouldnt want 2...because I dont think I would want to know what my younger brother or sister is talking about!! and also you do feel as if your going a bit 2 far....
Re: Sisters
Although i don't entirely agree with what jaanwar is saying to you, he is right.
Understandebly being protective of those who are younger than you is right, but wrapping them in cotton wool can be hazardous to their health. Give em some space and let them live, her who is 18 is now an adult and her days of being told what to do and what not to do is touching on dangerous ground.
Im with you on this one..I know how you feel..
its easy 2 say to respect their privacy and all that bull, but these r ur sisters...and i dont know how you feel..but with my younger sister I feel as if I should be there 2 support her and tell her whats wrong and right..God forbid she makes a mistake..then my parents are the ones who r going 2 be upset..so im totally with u..
but unfortunately its very hard 2 keep a tab on these youngsters these days and to what limit can u??
u just have 2 trust them and hope they keep themselves within limits....maybe give them 1 last warning and after this just say if u c anything again, whether its theirs or not..they cant use the computer..full stop...
This Internet is a very good thing if your using it for the right things but very very bad if your using it for bad things..
Im completely with you! People can only understand when they have been in this situation...
You could also install MSN chat recorders....i dont know where u can get them from..but only issue is...do you really want 2 go that far? I wouldnt want 2...because I dont think I would want to know what my younger brother or sister is talking about!! and also you do feel as if your going a bit 2 far....
That is way too excessive. Yes protecting her sisters is good and should be encouraged, but surely this is not needed. Sometimes, regardless of what someone tells us (even if they are telling the truth), we fail to acknowledge it because we think we know what is right and wrong. We learn with time, as we grow older and maturer. As much as we are unwilling to accept this, we cannot always protect our siblings. Are you going to stalk them when they are out? Question their every move?
A bond between two sisters is so amazing. You should not undermine them by implementing such excessive techniques. We were/are all young once. Let them be but keep an eye out for them. Don't suffocate them. If you do, they won't thank you for it.
Yup agree with you dildirani on that, msn chat recorders would be way too excessive lol
Re: Sisters
Great advice up there TauB, I'm glad you didn't recommend surveillance cameras and motion sensors.
So according to you guys, what Im doing isn't correct? Ok, I agree that I should give them space, but what's really bothering which really makes me wonder is that, why did they tell me that they didn't even know about these photos, since beside we three, no one else uses this computer, so what was the need for them to lie to me?This makes me think that perhaps there may be many other things too which they would be hiding from me, and keeping as secret.
Yup agree with you dildirani on that, msn chat recorders would be way too excessive lol
Definitely :)
Great advice up there TauB, I'm glad you didn't recommend surveillance cameras and motion sensors.
LOVVL...chillax Jaanwar ji....I didnt recommend it!!
Cameras r a good idea 2 lol..
ok im joking
So according to you guys, what Im doing isn't correct? Ok, I agree that I should give them space, but what's really bothering which really makes me wonder is that, why did they tell me that they didn't even know about these photos, since beside we three, no one else uses this computer, so what was the need for them to lie to me?This makes me think that perhaps there may be many other things too which they would be hiding from me, and keeping as secret.
Rose, out of fear maybe? when you keep threatening them that you will stop their internet access , they wont be telling you the truth..
I suggest when a situation like this happens , sit them down and reiterate the importance of due care , try to talk to them on friendly terms rather then acting the all powerful ...
and then at least you can be assured that they wont lie to you if you question them in the future ... you always want to touch the painted wall when you see "dont touch " written very clearly !
just be patient with them , keep explaining to them the security matters again and again occasionally but unless its something very wild dont stop them ...
Re: Sisters
Rose...you can only do so much. After that, just like you grew up...they will too. I know how you feel though...they're girls and innocent.
So, the best thing is to talk to them sternly and let them know you will be watching them and they need to behave because this isnt the time to be goofing off and getting involved with guys. Then, just keep a close eye on them. Dont install chat recorders, stalk them, peek over their shoulders, grill them every second, etc. But, be aware of how they spend their time and what they do.
I do think a certain amount of control is necessary especially with teens so do what you have to do to protect them. However, if you go too far...then you run the risk of them finding a way to deceive you. And they will if pushed hard enough...its not in their nature...its in their age.
You would rather be the person they come to for help then the one they fear...right?
Re: Sisters
Rose your job as a good sister is to protect them, guide them and keep them from harms way by teaching them right from wrong...good from bad. You can do and say but so much...in the end however, you will not be able to keep them from making mistakes and from exploring things on their own. It's part of life....you live and learn.
today you will take the net away from them...2moro they will figure out another way to get in touch with people via net.
Re: Sisters
ppl need to make mistakes to learn. so let them be. the more u try to stop them the more they will try to rebell against it.
jst talk to them and try to tell them wats right and wats worng and tell them that they r responsible for their actions and its conciquences. i think making them the boss of themselves is the best way to make them feel responsible.
I've two sisters,one of them is 18 yrs old and the other is 16.The thing is that, I've made them cautioned about it that, they shouldn't unnecessarily chat with any strangers especially guys on the internet or in real life, because i feel my sisters are quite innocent types, and they don't really understand people, so I don't want this that they should fall into any trap, and later have any regrets.I've made them aware of everything by explaining things to them,and they had assured me that they don't/wouldn't go for anything like that.So I trusted them,and let them openly use the internet, or go out anywhere they like.But, recently, a couple of days before, by chance I saw some photos in the computer.These were photos of a guy, and there were written things like i love you,etc along with my 18 yrs old sister's name.I was quite shocked seeing those.I didn't react on it,instead I calmly asked both of my sisters regarding those photos, and they started telling me that they don't even know about these photos.Now that's fishy.So, after this, I've stopped them using the internet, but they come and plead before me to let them use it.What should I do?
You're doing the right thing sister. Don't stop. Do you have brother or a male cousin that can talk openly about guys? I hold guys particularly pervs trolling the internet to be lowest life forms who manipulate girls and try to take advantage of them. It is your responsibility to teach them about this. They will get hurt and be devastated when things go bad.
I am not saying that guys are bad ut when you're 16-8 guys/girls don't know any better. Keep it up!
Re: Sisters
Rose - I understand you want to protect them, but being overly protective and controlling can actually backfire and be counterproductive.
From what I have noticed...the most rebellious girls are always the ones whose parents/older siblings are extremely strict.
If you give them space, you will gain their trust and there's more of a chance they will take your advice...
Re: Sisters
sometimes learning from mistakes is the best solution to a problem.. take the example of a little child.. we try and protect them from getting hurt/ frm not putting their fingers into sockets but they do it.. and then they learn their lessons when they hurt themselves..
sometimes putting a guard up can make others soo defensive that they forget that ur just out there to protect them.. build a relationship where u can openly talk abt guys.. let them tell u if theres someone theyre talking to and about what.. if theyre denying anything with regards to those pictures then tell them that u believe them but you are just out there to protect them from some idiot out there..
being elder u do want to set an example but by doing so your making them feel all closed-in. girls that age need confidence and putting ur trust in them will build that to an extent where they might even say no to wrongdoing themselves.. however staying on the lookout doesnt make u bad..