This is totally desi phenomina, interesting aswel.
It is inscribed in the mind of male child that his sister has a right on whatever he owns. And he has to happily oblige her all his life.
Although same is the case with father, but we wont consider it because it is same for both male and female.
Now I have seen numerous examples in my circle. some year ago my friend told me that he brought sound system for his sister, spending almost his two months salary. On asking why he spent so much he simply said * yaar choti behen ne kaha tha, inkar tu nahi karsakta na*
One of my colleague was selling his car, his married sister asked him to sell car to her and she will pay him Rs 25k lesser then the market value. Upon inquiring he said that she has the right, she can take it for whatever price she like. I have to oblige
I bet he would have never sold his car on these condition to his brother.
This is Not some thing Islamic or religious in nature, but cultural and that too South Asian.
i think its beautiful. I am thinking of getting a sex change. Not only will i tie pretty clips and rubber bands in my long silky hair. I would also wear lavish dresses and i will flirt with all the girls and guys ;). I will be so slutty and i will make my brothers get me what ever i want. I will be the queen (and king) of beauty, wealth and charm. kisses his own hand
I think what your friends are doing is a little over-board, esp the stereo system for two months of salary! It's a cultural thing for most part. I remember when we were moving from Pakistan my phupho bought our furniture from us, literally by force, paying us much less than what we could have gotten from an outsider. But then again my parents are so damn generous that they would have made major concessions even if it was one of their brothers! I think the sisters should have more sense not to abuse the brothers. My bro-in-law sends tons of stuff starting from baby diapers to you name it! Honey, bottled nuts, snacks, jams, creams, lotions, shampoos, the list goes on! And it's not like his sisters are needy or anything. They are all well off.
The sisters shouldn't get greedy and try to grab as much as they can from their brothers. I think that has a lot to do with creating resentment between the guys wife and his family too.
It's not a right its a privilege which shouldn't be abused.
True Rukhsaar! With younger brothers its the opposite. Their wish-list is ever increasing.
FG I don't think the intention behind it is specifically to piss off the D.I.L. Desis' assume that bhaiyon ki kamai pe bhenon ka haq hota hei. or which ever sibling is making more the others have a right to his wealth! Alhamdolillah my father was the first amongst his brothers to get a good job getting paid in dollars and all, so my daadi would make sure he split as much as he could with his other brothers. He had a plot he owned which my daadi insisted he gives up to his elder brother when dad bought a plot in Islamabad. Then Dad had enough money to get a second plot and my daadi interferred and pressurised my dad to lend my chachaa the money so he could get one for himself too. Dad gave in everytime. I think the parents have this desire to see all their children equally established and bring them to the same level so no one is left behind. The extra emphasis on giving more to sisters is so they have a lots of izzat and naam in their sasural. Dumb cultural concepts.
Everything in our culture has to be gross, outragious, bias and if nothing else then dumb
Desi culture bashing is a past time, well charished among expatriates.
I can not dis-respect my parents no matter what. For you it might be out dated or ohh.. parents can be wrong and ohh.. you are educated you dont need to follow orders from parent etc. I dont have a problem with that. I will do whatever I wish for my family but I wont regret.
Spending on family does not make you poor, infact it make more weathy. Well it may be ill-logical but my experiance tells me that * Deney wala haath, mangney waley haath se hameesha opar rehta hai*
Code red itna uchalnay se pehlay sahi se parh letay. The dumb cultural concepts remark was for The extra emphasis on giving more to sisters is so they have a lots of izzat and naam in their sasural.
People in Pakistan who have common sense and courage to speak up despise such jaahilaana aspects of our culture too, not just the expatriats.
I think it has to do with the old siblings spoiling the younger.
I know I did forever before I was married now Salman Spoils him owrse then I ever did..
but he loves us to pieces and is always there with his half but advice..so it makes up for it.
i am usually not the type to ask my brothers or parents for things too much... mashallah i have four brothers...im the only girl...and whenever they even sensed i needed anything, they gave me much much more than i ever needed or expected...
Sisters usually dont abuse their rights, but they have these privelleges can use it whenever they like. They feel hounor in using these rights.
My one puphu(who has always been far more rich then us) has this desire to take something from her brothers house show her husband that she came from her brother’s house, no matter how much in-expensive these things are. So its not anything like abuse of right but its the pleasure of using the right.
Whats wrong in it ?
Unless the in laws are not morons, I see no problem in it.
And having bad susraalis is separate issue with tons of problems.
If give gifts to my sister then, she gets lots of izzat tu phir our kia chaheye. But when the susraalis are mean then you have to be extra Cautious. There can be many problems. Filthy family politics
It is important (compulsary) if you go to newly wed sister’s house to bring something along, fruits, cakes, etc.
There are many things wrong in our culture, but that does not undermine the importance of good things. We love to talk about bad cultural practices, but when something positive is mentioned it is too looked down upon, as it is compusary to assosiate negative connotations with it
If most of the girls and boys dont do it before marraige, If Adultry is not common, Divorce ratio is lesser, Parents are respected and not left alone in old age, close-nit-families usually help eachother in difficult times.
We are family oriented people, we are like that no matter what. If there are problems we can work for sollutions.
It's not only South Asian cultures, iv'e seen people from other cultures treat their sisters/brothers that way too.. Dont you love it, being treated like a princess .. :)
There is a differece between being given presents and asking for presents to show your in-laws. Asking a brother for a stereo system that cost him two months of salary is irresponsible on the girls part. In-laws should respect their bahoo’s irrespective of whether she gets goods from her parents/brothers or not. If someone has to put themself through trouble or bear a loss to get me a gift I don’t think I would accept such a gift to begin with. Gifts don’t have to be huge or extremely pricey.
When you are going to someone’s house it is common courtesy to take something with you for the family. Whether it’s your brother or your sister or friends. Its just heart warming.
And as for having lower ratios when it comes to adultery, divorce, respect and stuff it isn’t solely because of culture. If people abstain from adultery it is because religion forbids us not because of any cultural practices. You would have impressed me a little if you had attributed the goodness to religion too.
do brothers really have to be this dumb? If you can't afford something your sister is demanding then simply explain it to her, but no its about integrity with you guys.
personally, my brother is super generous with not only me but everyone so usually it comes to a point when I’ve to tell him to get real.
There is a differece between being given presents and asking for presents to show your in-laws. Asking a brother for a stereo system that cost him two months of salary is irresponsible on the girls part. In-laws should respect their bahoo's irrespective of whether she gets goods from her parents/brothers or not. If someone has to put themself through trouble or bear a loss to get me a gift I don't think I would accept such a gift to begin with. Gifts don't have to be huge or extremely pricey.
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These things which you are considering expensive, are infact far cheaper when compared to jewelery and cloths for wedding. In pakistan normally people dont have huge salaries, so it take years to prepare them. Usually father and earning brothers have to arrange these for sisters. And they dont mind a bit. Because they have this resposibility no matter what.
Sisters dont ask for something most of the time And when they demand something and its not beyond the reach for brothers. Then they must provide it. It is a obligation, imposed by society and family. I see no such implication in religion.
You may see it as unjust or burdening. But it is hardly such a case, I saw no brother actually complaining about his responsibilities. Problems in case of bad in-laws are worse, that is a separate issue.
I agree gifts dont need to be expensive, but you cant just ignore them. In-laws no matter how much good and co-opperative, expect that their bahoo's maika to be active and prompt in gift section. Some time they have material values(like comming from hujj, birthdays, sickness, etc) and some times they are not costly ( sending edible on on shab-barat, muharram, milaad etc).
Gifts are important and they matter a lot at special occations and also at not so special occations
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Sharafat_Ka_Namouna: *
**do brothers really have to be this dumb? If you can't afford something your sister is demanding then simply explain it to her, but no its about integrity with you guys.*
personally, my brother is super generous with not only me but everyone so usually it comes to a point when I’ve to tell him to get real.
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If he cant afford it, then why sister is demanding in first place ?
Usually it is also the psychology of desi men, that as their sisters are not earning so they are required to provide if they desire something. Sisters are usually not dumb. They dont ask for something which will be a burden on brothers. :)
Great powers come with ultimate resposibilites ( spiderman I guess) :D
*Sisters are usually not dumb. They dont ask for something which will be a burden on brothers. *
I think that stereo system request you used in your initial post proves your statement wrong!
CR if you read carefully you should have realised I am speaking against requested gifts and ones that are too expensive. If someone gives it out of love without pressure and without it causing them an inconveniece that is more than welcome. What man would give his sister something and then complain about it? You soeak of sending food and stuff over at milaad, muharram and stuff well that is a normal procedure. It is sent to neighbours and other relatives too. You said yourself all in-laws EXPECT their bahoos family to be active when it comes to giving stuff. That is a cultural vice. The bahoos family shouldn;t have to give stuff cos they are expected to but out of the love of their heart. You think it's easy for a mazdoor type person to spend money buying fruits for their married sister which aren't exactly very cheap either? But they have to cos they are expected to whether they can easily aford it or not.
Anyhow most of what I said was particularly in reference to the 2 examples you quoted.
How come I was never informed of this? It's always been the other way around in my case. :-/ My baby brother comes in and hogs my TV, takes my external hard drive (and everything else I have), and uses my car all the time.
The only thing I take without asking are his clothes.
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*Originally posted by Femme Fatale: *
*Sisters are usually not dumb. They dont ask for something which will be a burden on brothers. *
I think that stereo system request you used in your initial post proves your statement wrong!
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A little bit explanation is due on my side.
First, You have to understand psychology of a middle class pakistani
male.
The example of my friend you considered harsh, was actually matter of
pleasure for him. Being able enough that some loved one actually
asked for something. You know when a guy starts earning it is quite a
feeling of being something and he want to share this feeling. Also for
a bachelor from stable family, he has most of his salary at his
disposal.
For so many years no one asked anything from him beacause they
considered him incapable. Now if someone asked, then it is his delight,
not a burden on inconvenience by any chance.
For those who never seen or heard this phenomina... It actually happens only in Pakistan or at most in subcontinent. Its not something religious so it is not neccesary that you come across these things.
